1. One Pager Recommendations

2. One Pagers Mrs. Lund’s proofreading marks
One Pager: Take 5 minutes to reread your essay along with the comments, both on the essay and on the rubric.
Read the descriptors on the rubric for the level you reached.

3. One Pager Feedback
Rubric Focus was Criterion C: Appreciation of the Author’s Choices.
Nearly all of you kept the author in mind. Good job!
How you can improve on Criterion C
Do more with your support. Go deep. I need to see probing analysis of your evidence exploring HOW the author is working. Without this you will not reach a 5 or 6 on this criterion.

4. Poet vs. Speaker The poet is not the same as the speaker
The author is not the same as the narrator
You need to show that you are aware of and understand the difference between the two
NOTE: In the case of the Heaney poem, since, at the beginning he states the poem is a memorial to his mother, the poet IS the same as the speaker. But this is the exception, not the rule.

5. Thesis A weak or unfocused thesis will produce a weak essay Strong:
In….,William Shakespeare presents the speaker’s mistress in a way that seems to disparage her, but actually compliments her, evoking the sentiment that true love is not captured by exaggerated comparison.
Not there yet:
In…., Dove creates two distinct voices that work together to ultimately emphasize the need for girls to be careful of men.

6. Strong: In “Clearances” Seamus Heaney creates an unrhymed octave followed by a rhymed sestet in order to create a different sound, allowing the reader to differentiate between his memories and understand his feelings about his mother’s death. Not there yet: Seamus Heaney uses rhyme to represent the relationship between mother and son, conveying the theme of valuing small moments.

7. Lead-ins All quotations need lead-ins.
Quotations without lead-ins are not integrated (that’s a 1 on Criterion D) and are called naked quotations. You should not have these in your paper in 12th grade.
The job of lead-ins is to:
smoothly integrate quotations and
provide clear context for the quotations

8. Weak Lead-in
Shakespeare writes, “Coral is far more red than her lips’ red” (2).
Avoid X writes as a lead-in. It shows no awareness of a speaker (or narrator) and gives us no context for the quotation.
CONTRAST THE ABOVE EXAMPLE WITH…..
When describing his mistress’s lips, the speaker compares them to coral, which is not very red, saying, “Coral is far more red than her lips’ red” (2).

9. Strong Lead-ins
The speaker begins to border on obnoxiousness as he states, “And in some perfume is there more delight/Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks” (7-8).
Dove implies, with this command, that if the naïve audience does not follow instruction, “this is how one foot sinks into the ground,” and “he” (referring to any predator) will “claim his due” (13-14).

10. Support
USE your support. Don’t support drop (put in support, then move on) or simply paraphrase your support instead of referring back to and analyzing it.
You’ve chosen these quotations for a reason. Explore them/interpret them/analyze them fully.
In your analysis, quote the text rather than paraphrasing it. Refer back to the text.
Don’t use more of the quotation than you need.
Using long sections of text is rarely necessary. However, the meaning of what you quote must be clear. Often you can integrate part of a quotation into a sentence.

11. Analysis Avoid drive-by analysis.
Elaborate, dig deeper, in your analysis.
Again…USE your support by fully analyzing/interpreting it to prove your point

12. Conciseness
This was our language & style focus. Most of you worked hard to be concise. How to do better:
Avoid passive voice
Read aloud. Listen to your essay. If it sounds awkward or wordy, revise until it sounds right.
Use Word’s Grammar & Style function to identify wordiness, passive voice, etc. in your writing and revise

13. If you have trouble identifying passive voice, wordiness, or other style issues in your writing…
Use Word’s Grammar and Style function
Word 2013:
Review:
New Word:
File: Options: Proofing: Writing Style: Grammar and Style: Options
Older Word: Grammar and Style: Options
In both cases, check boxes for problems you are having (passive voice, wordiness, etc.)

14. Moving Forward
Criterion C: You are not just demonstrating that you can identify the author’s choices, but showing appreciation of the author’s choices…fully analyzing them and their effects

15. Language & Style Focuses
Continue to work on conciseness
Identify and remove most passive voice
Use the wordiness checklist
When working within a word limit verboseness takes away from words you could be using for probing analysis

16. Resources
Purdue OWL

17. Reflection and Goal Setting
What’s one thing I did well in this essay?
What was one weakness in this essay?
Look back at your initial writing goals for the year (Sept. 9). How are you progressing towards them?
Using feedback and the rubric, set two specific, attainable goals you’d like to work towards in your next piece of writing. These may be the same goals or new goals. For example:
1. I want to go deeper in my analysis of my evidence.
2. I want to remove passive voice from my writing and remember to write in active voice.