1. How to support and accompany adopted people in the searching of origins/ reunion with biological family
Antonio Ferrandis
PhD. in Social Education
Head of the Adoption Team, Madrid (Spain)

2. Some lessons we have learned since 2000
The change of vision about secrecy and origins

3. CHANGES IN society
Adoption has lost the secrecy and shameful character that it had in the past
The question about origins is no longer considered a sign of adoption failure
Recognition of the "Right to know“
From “No Talk About It” to “Unhealthy Curiosity”

4. ABOUT ADOPTEES
The question does not indicate dissatisfaction but search for identity
They need to overcome a conflict of loyalties
Diverse triggers for the search: couple, child, health, death ...
Need for a "biological mirror"
Sometimes they doubt about explanations and want to check out

5. Some difficulties Absence of legal and technical procedures
There are still adoptive families confused or silent
Families had difficulties for expression and adequate symbolization
Conflictive protection of the biological family privacy
Is there a right to know “everything”?

6. 7 steps in the search of origins and Eventual reunion
Some practical ideas to do your best

7. 1. PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE of the program
Potentially interested people must know about the existence of this service
To prevent that they try searches on their own (internet ...) or other private mediators (detectives, lawyers ...) that can be more harmful than beneficial
A certain presence in the media and Associations of Adoptees is useful

8. 2. The receipt of the asking
Only the adopted person can start the process
Deny other people's requests with sensitivity but firmness
In the case of minors, apart from requiring adult support, it is advisable to postpone the search
Do not make easy promises. From the beginning you must state that it is possible
to find no information
to find insufficient information
to find painful information

9. 3. During the search
Do not hurry. Hold several meetings to explore their questions and expectations. Sometimes they just want to know “why”, not “who”.
Help them to understand the historical and social context in which the adoption took place
Convince them to seek the support of parents or significant others. Recommend a support group if there is discomfort or suffering

10. 4. Sharing the data
Be aware of the emotional intensity that can be produced
Filter previously the data:
to avoid untested information
to avoid exposing the privacy of other people
In addition to verbal information, also deliver written documents that they can keep

11. 5. the ask for a reunion
It's not the most frequent. Do not suggest it or speed it up if they really do not want it
Make sure you know data to prepare them psychologically
Try to lower expectations: possibility of rejection, some risks, inappropriate expectations that the biological family could have (reincorporation… financial help…) and discuss possible answers
Make aware of risks / benefits of using social networks and other technologies

12. 6. Preparing the reunion
A mediator must contact confidentially with the biological family, prepare them and clear up their fears. Never seem to judge or reproach. Help them to remember and tell the truth as it was, without distorting the story. Falsehoods can be harmful.
Help the adoptee to understand that the story may be reworked, or hidden, and that it may be painful
Pre-exchange photos, letters, so that there is prior knowledge
If questionable practices are discovered, try to explain the context

13. 7. IF THERE IS REUNION
Be present at the beginning to establish the framing, make the mutual presentations and give explanations
Offer a neutral and professional environment for the first meeting instead of a natural space
Do not make plans in the first encounter
Have a meeting for listening about the experience and emotion, and offer psychological support if necessary

14. how to manage the past…
I remember things halfway. Some memories are good, others are bad. Help me remember things that I am forgetting so that I can recompose the puzzle of my life.
So I will know that my past is safe in your hands