1. Preparing Everyone Assuming the best Building on strengths Permanent Family Connections Sue Badeau & Bob Lewis

2. Bob@RGLewis.com & SBadeau@aol.com2 Workshop Preview Shared parenting Who needs to be prepared? Issues: yours, mine and ours Engaging others in the process Group Exercise Wrap-up

3. Bob@RGLewis.com & SBadeau@aol.com3 All Parenting is Shared How have you or your parents shared parenting? What does shared parenting mean; can you think of another way to say it? Thinking beyond today and beyond yourself… Tell us about a time when the adult relationships in a youths life came together to assure permanence.

4. 4 Who needs to be prepared? The list grows on The prospective parents The child A youths constellation of contacts, –Professional –Personal

5. Bob@RGLewis.com & SBadeau@aol.com5 Even doing our best, weve all got Issues. Professionals –T–Teachers –T–Therapists –S–Social workers –C–Case managers Parents Relatives, Siblings Present and former caregivers

6. Bob@RGLewis.com & SBadeau@aol.com6 Professionals Issues No one started out to hurt a kid Fear of doing so again Competition & career No one accepts something new the first time AKUD Share, Educate, Demonstrate Moving to a place of incompetence Fear of more losses

7. Bob@RGLewis.com & SBadeau@aol.com7 Parents/Relatives Issues Loss Shame Guilt Hurt Self Esteem Desire to do the right thing Beliefs Fear vs. Hope Limited understanding of parenting

8. Bob@RGLewis.com & SBadeau@aol.com8 Caregivers Issues Good enough parents If I cant do it nobody can. Competition with the new/old parent Safety, protection and risk Not in my job description – not the way I was trained Fear of losing services and benefits and the trapdoor

9. Bob@RGLewis.com & SBadeau@aol.com9 Maya & PJ Reaching out

10. Bob@RGLewis.com & SBadeau@aol.com10 Feedback What worked well? What was the most difficult thing for both of you? What were you pleased that the other said or did? What would you have liked that wasnt said or done? Where would you go from here?

11. Bob@RGLewis.com & SBadeau@aol.com11 Engaging Others Building a shared family network Extended family –Paternal and Maternal Caring Adults Friends Siblings All Professionals Lines of affection

12. Bob@RGLewis.com & SBadeau@aol.com12 Role redefinition and relationships Professionals to family Siblings to cousins Parents to aunts and uncles Friends to family Fluid roles; enduring relationships

13. Bob@RGLewis.com & SBadeau@aol.com13 Contribute not Control As part of the whole network of family Friends become the family you chose for yourself How do you help if they dont think they can contribute without controlling?

14. Bob@RGLewis.com & SBadeau@aol.com14 Network Engagement Process Invitation Youth centered Personalized Inclusive Holistic Adaptable Accountable Ongoing/ready to reconvene

15. Bob@RGLewis.com & SBadeau@aol.com15 Running a Meeting Break into groups Assign roles Take a case from Persistence or your own Identify others to be involved Run meeting and report out

16. Bob@RGLewis.com & SBadeau@aol.com16 Persist Set up a system for contact Assume the best Engage them in the process Empower the youth Focus x competence x passion = adherence Persist

17. Bob@RGLewis.com & SBadeau@aol.com17