1. IRRETRIEVABLY BROKEN

2. Letting Go is one of the hardest things to do when You really don’t want to. But at some time in your life you finally realize that the relationship or relationships are irretrievably broken

3. These relationships for me were with family members and although I tried to do what most would do: deal with it, because you only get one family. I no longer believe in that ideology

4. You see, a person does not get a pass for hurting you just because their other title is mother, brother, father, or sister. Those types of relationships can be irretrievably broken when individuals can not admit, own, and correct their hurtful ways.

5. I have opened the door to attempt to heal these broken relationships through letters and emails and would be irretrievably broken when my letters were the subject of laughter or denial. I have never gotten a response and I have felt irretrievably broken. All my life I have made decisions from a soul that was irretrievably broken. Bad decisions, bad relationships, bad choices, all made because validation is a powerful concept. I realize that because an image of me had been created that was not me I lived a life trying to be validated by what and who I had in my life.

6. I realize when you have been dealt a dysfunctional life you just merely exist, inhaling and exhaling, but not living. When a person has the power to convince people you are drama, mean, and crazy, you have to know when to say enough. It took me a long time to realize where I stood and what I meant to the mother, father and brothers given to me. And I found that I didn’t stand anywhere unless I was writing thesis papers to help someone get their degree, or research papers to help someone in school, or doing hair then my quality scale went up a notch. But as soon as the degree was achieved or the hair was done and the research paper written I went back to being the mean, crazy, drama child that was created for me.

7. So I prayed about it and I had to let go. I had to let go so that I could start living

8. I made a decision to no longer perpetuate a dysfunctional life. I will not live a life where you have to react to the actions of others because they do not know how nor want to love and respect you. I will not pretend that it’s okay for a mother to have a relationship with their granddaughter and not with their own daughter. I will not pretend it’s okay for a child to have lived with their father and still not know him, I will not pretend it’s okay for brothers and sisters to never talk. I will not allow lies to be told about me and continue to deal with the person as if they have not hurt me with their lies. I will not pretend I do not see the favoritism. I will not pretend I was not devastated by a dysfunctional life … because I was.

9. DON’T BE MAD I FOUND A BRAND NEW KIND OF FREE