1. S AFE HARBOR MARRIAGES WEEK 3 - Harbor Alarms

2. 4 Part Series WEEK 1 - Seaworthy Relationships WEEK 2 - Safe Harbor WEEK 3 - Harbor Alarms WEEK 4 - Dockworkers

3. 1 origin 2 outcomes Fools Wise Simple fear of the Lord

4. Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one the foolish one tears hers down.

5. Proverbs 8:1 Does not wisdom call out? Does not understanding raise her voice ?

6. Proverbs 9:1-6 Wisdom has built her house ; she has set up its seven pillars. She has prepared her meat and mixed her wine; she has also set her table.

7. Proverbs 9:1-6 She has sent out her servants, and she calls from the highest point of the city, Let all who are simple come to my house!

8. Proverbs 9:1-6 To those who have no sense she says, Come, eat my food and drink the wine I have mixed. Leave your simple ways and you will live; walk in the way of insight.

9. Proverbs 9:13-18 Folly is an unruly woman; she is simple and knows nothing. She sits at the door of her house, on a seat at the highest point of the city, calling out to those who pass by, who go straight on their way,

10. Proverbs 9:13-18 Let all who are simple come to my house! To those who have no sense she says, Stolen water is sweet; food eaten in secret is delicious!

11. Proverbs 9:13-18 But little do they know that the dead are there, that her guests are deep in the realm of the dead.

12. Handling Conflict Determines Safety Disconnection (Trigger or crossed nerve) Reaction (Alarm) Repair or Resistance (Respond or Defend) Relief or Repetition (Balm or Offend)

13. Triggers & Raw Nerves WHY? –My stuff vs. Your stuff HOW reactive? – Hair, holstered, locked

14. Trigger Alarm Emotional Reaction Trigger Alarm

15. THINKING EMOTIONS The Hijacking

16. The emotional brain is like a beach ball

17. Pause for Poise When in THINKING brain, step up and engage When in EMOTIONAL brain, step back and pause –Take a time out

18. Qualities of A Good Repair 1.Patience 2.Personal Responsibility 3.Humility 4.Understanding 5.Apology Repair Attempt

19. 1. Patience Proverbs 14:29 Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.

20. 1. Patience Understanding is like a nose... The greater the calmer!

21. 1. Patience James 1:19-20 19 So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; 20 for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

22. 1. Patience 1 Thessalonians 5:14 Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all.

23. 2. Personal Responsibility "And why do you look at the speck in your brothers eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? "Or how can you say to your brother, Let me remove the speck from your eye; and look, a plank is in your own eye? "Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brothers eye. Matthew 7:3-5

24. 3. Humility Philippians 2:3-4 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

25. 3. Humility 1 Peter 5:5 Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for "God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble."

26. 4. Apology Matthew 5:23-24 23 "Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 "leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

27. 4. Apology 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

28. 5. Understanding 1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

29. 5. Understanding O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood, as to understand… Saint Francis of Assisis O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood, as to understand… Saint Francis of Assisis

30. Freight for the Journey Respond (not resist) to move forward Pause for poise Pursue repair with godly qualities: patience, personal responsibility, humility, apology and understanding

31. 1.Contempt 2.Complaining 3.Defensiveness 4.Stonewalling Beware of the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse

32. Normal Response Fast-track Response Thalamus Amygdala Visual Cortex Fight or Flight Response