1. Relationships A connection a person has with another is defined as a relationship. Healthful relationship – a relationship that promotes self- respect, encourages productivity and health, and is free from violence and/or drug or alcohol abuse. Harmful relationship – a relationship that does not foster self-respect, interferes with productivity and health, and includes violence and/or drug or alcohol abuse.

2. Profiles of People Who Relate in Harmful Ways Abuser – a person who puts down, threatens, and harms others Center – a person who ignores the needs of others and is self-centered Clinger – a person who is needy, dependent and suffocates others Controller – a person who is possessive, jealous and domineering Distancer – a person who is emotionally unavailable and pushes others away Enabler – a person who supports the harmful behavior of others Fixer – a person who takes over other people’s responsibilities and meddles in their affairs Liar – a person who does not tell the truth People Pleaser – a person who constantly seeks approval, and will do almost anything to be liked. Promise Breaker – a person who is unreliable and agrees to change behavior but never does so.

3. Bullying / Teasing / Hazing Bullying is repeatedly doing or saying things to intimidate or dominate another person. It may be physical or verbal. Teasing is making fun of someone in a good-natured way. When teasing becomes one-sided, cruel, causes someone distress, and is done repeatedly, it then turns into bullying. Hazing is the physical and/or emotional abuse a person endures while trying to become or stay part of a group, regardless of that person’s willingness to participate.

4. Characteristics of Bullies Need to feel powerful and in control Often “pick on” targets that are weaker and smaller May have an inflated self-image Receive satisfaction from inflicting injury and suffering on others Lack empathy or feeling of concern for their victims May be a victim themselves Come from an environment where this type of behavior is condoned – (they don’t see anything wrong with it) Will often blame the victim for their actions and/or lie about their actions toward the victim

5. Handling Bullies Ignore Them – once a bully sees they are no longer getting a reaction, they often will move on to another victim. Confront Them – often a bully will go “unchecked” until they are called on their actions. In a non-physical way, “stand up” to the bully and firmly state you want the behavior to stop. Report It – this can be done in a subtle way, and if there is no relief, then the report must be made more “aggressively.”

6. Domestic Violence Domestic Violence is defined as abuse by one person in a relationship to control the other. Often times, this abuse is done by someone you know, depend on and live with. It can take on many forms, including physical abuse, verbal and emotional abuse, neglect, sexual abuse, and intimidation. Because of this type of violence and abuse, victims live in difficult circumstances. They often face repeated and prolonged attacks.

7. Cycle of Domestic Violence Build Up or Escalation Phase – frustration, anger, and tension build up inside the offender. Offender becomes more cruel and increasingly controlling. Explosion or Battering Phase – this is the phase where abuse and battering (physical contact) occur. The offender unloads or unleashes the built-up anger and tension. Victim will often feel trapped, fearful, and helpless. Honeymoon Phase – offender has unloaded and feels a sense of relief. This is often followed by remorse, apologies, and pleading for forgiveness.

8. Breaking the Cycle Develop a support network – talk to friends, family or others who have gone through a similar situation. Counseling – the offender and victim need to solve the root of the problem, otherwise it is difficult to break the cycle. Leave the relationship – often this is difficult, as there are often many mitigating factors (children, property, financial issues, etc.)

9. Terms to Know Mandatory Reporter: a person who is required by law to report suspected child abuse. Neglect: the lack of proper care and guidance. Protective Order: an order of the court issued by a judge to prohibit a domestic violence offender from committing further acts of violence. Restraining Order: an order by the court that forbids a person from coming within a certain distance of the victim. Stalking: repeatedly engaging in harassing or threatening behavior.

10. What is Sexual Harassment? Sexual harassment is a serious problem for students at all educational levels. Students in elementary and secondary schools, as well as vocational schools, apprenticeship programs, colleges and universities can be victims of sexual harassment. This problem is more common than you might think because many students are scared or too embarrassed to report sexual harassment. It is different from flirting, playing around, or other types of behavior that you enjoy or welcome. Sexual harassment can be requests for sexual favors or unwelcome sexual behavior that is bad enough or happens often enough to make you feel uncomfortable, scared or confused and that interferes with your schoolwork or your ability to participate in extracurricular activities or attend classes. Sexual harassment can be verbal (comments about your body, spreading sexual rumors, sexual remarks or accusations, dirty jokes or stories), physical (grabbing, rubbing, flashing or mooning, touching, pinching in a sexual way, sexual assault) or visual (display of naked pictures or sex-related objects, obscene gestures). Sexual harassment can happen to girls and boys. Sexual harassers can be fellow students, teachers, principals, janitors, coaches, and other school officials.

11. Types of Sexual Harassment There are two kinds of sexual harassment: quid pro quo and hostile environment: Quid pro quo (in Latin it means “this for that”) sexual harassment occurs when a teacher or school employee offers you a better grade or treats you better if you do something sexual. It could also be a threat to lower your grade or treat you worse than other students if you refuse to go along with a request for a sexual favor. For example, if your teacher says, “I’ll give you an ‘A’ if you go out with me,” or “I’ll fail you in this class if you don’t have sex with me,” this is sexual harassment. Hostile environment sexual harassment occurs when unwanted sexual touching, comments, and/or gestures are so bad or occur so often that it interferes with your schoolwork, makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe at school, or prevents you from participating in or benefiting from a school program or activity. This type of harassment does not have to involve a threat or promise of benefit in exchange for a sexual favor. The harassment can be from your teacher, school officials, or other students.

12. Federal Law: The federal law prohibiting sexual harassment in schools is Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972 (Title IX), which prohibits any person, on the basis of sex, to be subjected to discrimination in an educational program or activity receiving federal financial assistance. The law applies to any academic, extracurricular (student organizations and athletics), research, occupational training, and other educational programs from pre-school to graduate school that receives or benefits from federal funding. The entire institution falls under Title IX even if only one program or activity receives federal funds. Under Title IX, a school is required to have and distribute a policy against sex discrimination, particularly one that addresses sexual harassment. Such a policy lets students, parents, and employees know that sexual harassment will not be tolerated. A school is also required to adopt and publish grievance procedures for resolving sex discrimination complaints, including complaints of sexual harassment. This provides an effective means for promptly and appropriately responding to sexual harassment complaints. Title IX also requires that schools evaluate current policies and practices to ensure the institution is in compliance with Title IX. Schools are also required to appoint at least one employee responsible for coordinating Title IX compliance efforts. Finally, it is illegal to intimidate, threaten, or coerce a person who has taken action under Title IX.