1. D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS Maria C. Savoia, M.D., F.A.C.P March 13, 2013

2. A discussion between two people where – Stakes are high – Opinions vary – Emotions run strong » Paterson, K., et. al., Crucial Conversations, 2011

3. A difficult conversation is anything you find hard to talk about » Stone D., et. al., Difficult Conversations

4. When opinions are congruent When delivering good news When the stakes aren’t high

5. When behaviors need to improve When disappointment is involved When standards need to be enforced When advocating for your own interests When you have to say no but want to say yes – Or, when you have to say yes but want to say no

6. Fight Flight

7. Know your heart and stay focused on your goals Foster open dialogue Establish a mutual purpose Work from facts and not from “stories”

8. What are you trying to accomplish? What is the real problem? What do you really want? Can you state your goal or the problem in one sentence?

9. No one likes to feel attacked No one likes to be blindsided Everyone wants to feel respected

10. What do you want to have happen with the relationship? Where is there common ground? Where are your goals and interests aligned?

11. Don’t assume Don’t assign motivations

12. Don’t assume others know Don’t be afraid of a “no” And don’t put it off

13. Avoid unplanned encounters Prepare and be prepared Set the agenda or at least know it Before opinions, give facts Test the conclusions from the facts Try for agreement Test for understanding

14. How you start has a strong influence on whether you will be successful A positive tone sets a positive climate for discussion

15. Why would a reasonable, rational person do what the person did? Try putting yourself in the other person’s shoes

16. Anticipate his/her emotions Anticipate his/her responses – Yes – Maybe – No But don’t presume to know the answer Be prepared for each response

17. Something “pushes your buttons” It is the last straw You see villains You feel victimized You are ambivalent or feel guilty

18. “Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilty, and I’ll show you a man.” Erica Jong “Time wounds all heels.” Groucho Marx