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3. 3 William Pollack Real Boys 1. The sturdy oak - stoic, steady, no weakness, no public grieving, no complaining 3. The big wheel - status, dominance, power - avoiding shame at all costs, the mask of coolness 2. Give em hell - Clint Eastwood, some sports coaches, Bruce Lee, bravado, attraction to violence. The myth boys will be boys 4. No sissy stuff - the gender straightjacket which prohibits (mistakenly) feminine feelings, dependence, warmth and empathy

4. 4 Biology Environment The groups they belong to Supporting Our Sons in Schools Motivating Boys

5. 5 Boys convert feelings to movement. Recent research is showing now that movement can rekindle feelings When mothers (or fathers) engage in action- oriented activities with their sons, their boys begin to open up and talk The same applies to Language teachers and boys Do something with him - something he enjoys - in the middle of it he will often disclose a problem

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7. 7 Time management Resource management Stress management Fatigue management

8. 8 Quality time Physical touch Gifts Words of affirmation Acts of service

9. 9 1. Describe: Describe what you see or describe the problem: Peter – your bags in the aisle 2. Give information: Its easy to trip over bags in the aisles 3. Say it with a word: Peter – your bag 4. Talk about your feelings (I message): I feel upset when you talk while I am talking 5. Write a note: Thanks for tidying up, Mrs Smith

10. 10 Most boys show a front to their real self Never communicate with a mask A soft interior requires a hard shell to protect it Drama is good for getting boys to take off their masks in a safe environment No student is allowed into my office wearing a mask Avoid shaming – boys are shame-phobic

11. 11 The behaviour of boys should be modified through praise – never through sanction or punishment Punishment may contain a behaviour but not modify it Punishment can be a reward for a boy as this can secure his prestige in the eyes of his peers We must catch him doing things right and then praise him for it and (generally) ignore the little things he does things wrong NEVER mix praise and reprimand: e.g. An excellent piece of work – A pity you couldnt work like this all the time This is crucial for managing the behaviour of boys

12. 12 School rules should be few in number and emphasize positive behaviour We need to use the rules to: Praise kids when they keep the rules rather than Punish them when they break the rules Bad Rules No Chewing Gum Good Rules We treat everyone with respect – we do this By waiting our turn in class By being sensitive to the needs of others By helping one another to learn

13. 13 The broken record approach is a tried and true one which is very effective. I.E. Calm repetition of a demand without allowing you to be drawn into an argument with the child A rule of 4 times for a boy and 5 times for a girl John stop that It wasnt me Miss John stop that It was him, Miss John stop that Thats not fair John stop that John has run out of things to say. You have used his limited verbal fluency against him. Discrepancy Assertion: On the one hand…….. On the other is a useful way of pointing out inconsistencies in behaviour and in challenging untruthful responses On the one hand you are telling me that you didnt graffiti…..On the other….. Theres paint on your hands

14. 14 Perpetrator: What happened? What were you thinking at the time? What have you thought about since? Who has been affected by what you have done? In what way? What do you think you need to do to make things right?

15. 15 Victim: What did you think when you realized what had happened? What impact has this incident had on you and others? What has been the hardest thing for you? What do you think needs to happen to make things right?

16. 16 Ensure clear and definite boundaries to behaviour exist Insist on rigour and standards Boys dont like rules that move. They need to know, before settling down to work: Who is the boss? What are the rules? and Will they be applied consistently? Most importantly we must share our lives with the boys.

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