1. Bottom Up Development Leads to Top Down Control CORTEX (human) MIDBRAIN/LIMBIC (mammalian) BRAIN STEM (reptilian) OFC DEVELOPMENT CONTROL nurturing playfulness dance of attunement security containment co-regulation cognitive/ behavioural affective/ somato- sensory

2. Attachment Insecurity

3. What Do Children Need? To feel safe: To feel To feel understood To feel they matter & belong To learn to self-regulate & to be themselves

4. What Do We Mean by Feeling Safe? Safe in their bodies Safe in their families Safely contained / co-regulated Safe to love and be loved Safe to explore their world Safe in the knowledge that there will always be someone there for them

5. What Do Parents Need? Information: To know what was done to their child To understand what this did to their child To make sense of their child’s behaviour Access: To specialist advice, support and counselling To a network of integrated services - for as long as it takes

6. Thinking Toddler Meets unmet baby / toddler needs safely: for both child and parent. Facilitates co-regulation: helping to re- set and rewire neurobiological systems. Creates time and space for parent and child to ‘set it right’ and ‘get it right’: changing patterns, changing lives.

7. What is a Therapeutic Parent? Key member of / link with therapeutic team Primary, accessible resource for child - 24/7 Consistent parental attachment figure Developmental, therapeutic attachment guide and role model Interpreter of ‘language of trauma’ Hands on resource / link to other services Expert voice and inspiration for their child Co-creator of effective, fun strategies and healthy emotional environment for their child

8. Keys to therapeutic parenting Parents are the ultimate healers for hurt children: providing therapy 24/7; Understanding that children’s behaviour is their first language is vital to healing; The battle for ‘hearts and minds’ must be informed, peaceful, firm and fair; Families need all the friends, community and agency supports they can get.

9. Staying in the loop child’s behaviour reactive parenting ‘stop it!’ behaviour strengthens attachment weakens helpless/ hopeless hostile/ blaming TRADITIONALTRADITIONAL THINKINGTHINKING punitive,distancing, critical, confronting, shaming

10. Getting out of the loop child’s behaviour proactive parenting behaviours weaken attachments strengthen understanding, accepting, interpreting, playful, creative DEVELOPMENTALDEVELOPMENTAL THINKINGTHINKING

11. Parenting Patterns Parents tend to make sense of their child’s behaviour in terms of their own experiences of being parented; Parent-child mis-attunements will occur, however secure parents’ attachment patterns are; Parents need understanding and support to identify and explore inevitable vulnerabilities and ‘triggers’; Supportive ‘adult attachment figures’ can empower parents to become sensitive, secure attachment figures for troubled, traumatised children; Parent mentors are well-placed to fulfil this role: providing therapeutic supervision for therapeutic parents.

12. Attachment Security