1. All Fired Up Anger is the second emotion

2. Agenda Case Scenario Definition of anger Expressions of anger Anger Cycle Purpose of anger Benefits of anger Using anger constructively Self Management Listening Responding to anger in others Q & A

3. Pat (mediator) Les (former -employee)Rick (Sr. Mgr. Acme Tech. Ltd) Erin (Jr. Mgr. Acme Tech Ltd Not present) Fictitious Case Scenario

4. Definition of Anger An agitated and often hostile state of arousal, varying in intensity, that is emotional, physiological, and cognitive in nature, originating from a perceived threat or sense of wrongdoing.

5. Expressions of anger Direct: annoyed, irritated, fed up, exasperated Indirect: disappointed, guilty, depressed, hopeless Repressed: sarcasm, passive aggressive behaviour, “forgetting”, physical symptoms or accidents

6. Anger Cycle Event-Trigger Escalation Phase Crisis Phase Recovery Phase Post Crisis Phase Judgement/Intelligence Creativity

7. What is the purpose of anger? Anger acts as a secondary emotion, emerging in response to the stress of another emotional state that is experienced as more uncomfortable than anger. (Susskind,Field, 1996)

8. Painful emotions Loss Grief Shame Hurt Anxiety Unworthiness Unmet needs or desires

11. Using Anger Constructively A strong signal that gets our attention. Motivation to act, make changes and confront anxiety producing situations that we might otherwise avoid. Energy to continue pursuing problems and provocations until they are resolved.

12. Benefits of Anger The body recovers faster from the stress hormones released from anger than it does to those released from fear. Anger increases feelings of certainty and control. Fear enhances feeling of uncertainty and loss of control.

13. So, does anyone else feel their needs aren’t being met?

14. Responding to anger in others Respond with empathy and acknowledgment. Don’t try to “reason” a person into calming down. Allow the other person the right to their own feelings of anger. Put a ? between you and the angry person. Stay curious.

16. www.joyofconflict.com 2010 Staying curious

17. Refuse the Bait

18. Self Management 1) STOP (our impulses are seldom helpful) 2) RELAX (and breathe) 3) REASSURE yourself 4) REFOCUS on the issue

19. Listening: Defensive vs. Acknowledging Acknowledging 1) Paraphrase facts- “so you are saying you tried to call but couldn't reach them” “sounds like you are swamped right now” “from your perspective, I haven’t followed through” 2) Acknowledge feelings (empathy) – “you sound really pissed off about the new vacation schedule” “that wait must have been frustrating for you” “you seem disappointed in your performance review” 3) Identify unmet needs (reframe what lies unsaid and beneath the surface) “so you need to be in the loop on future discussions” “you want your professionalism to be respected” “financial security is important to you”

20. Thank you!

21. Quiz?