1. Year 11 History Controlled Assessment Part A: Carrying out an historical enquiry Writing for cohesion and clarity Year 11 History Controlled Assessment Part A: Carrying out an historical enquiry Writing for cohesion and clarity

2. Historical Inquiry writing: Issues to address in in students’ writing Not assuming too much knowledge on the part of the reader! Proper nouns - getting them right Avoiding the comma splice (a comma where a full-stop or connective should be placed) Replacing imprecise pronouns (they, them, it…) with noun phrases to improve explicitness and fluency Using connectives for organisation, cohesion and impact Improving paragraph or ‘point’ structure with topic and concluding sentences Using a range of verbs for analysing and reporting

3. Source A tells us that reginald Haine joined the army in the first world war. He joined up on city road and was asked his age. He claimed to be old enough to fight in the war. He went to join up with a friend. So this source is useful. 1. Correct the proper nouns 1.

4. Source A tells us that Reginald Haine joined the army in the First World War. He joined up on City Road and was asked his age. He claimed to be old enough to fight in the war. He went to join up with a friend. So this source is useful. 2. Improve the beginning, ‘First World War’. What else can you say about Source A? New improved sentence: Where is Source A from? What part of the army? What age? 2.

5. Source A is an extract from “Forgotten Voices of the Great War” released in association with the Imperial War Museum, and it tells us that Reginald Haine joined the Honourable Artillery Company in the First World War. He joined up on City Road and was asked if he was nineteen. He claimed to be old enough to fight in the war. He went to join up with a friend. So this source is useful. 3. Create another sentence, up to ‘in the war’. Are the ideas in the sentences similar to those in the first? If so, which connective could you begin with? New improved sentence: 3. How old did he say he was? Who questioned his age? What does this tell us?

6. Source A is an extract from “Forgotten Voices of the Great War” released in association with the Imperial War Museum, and it tells us that Reginald Haine joined the Honourable Artillery Company in the First World War. He joined up on City Road and was asked if he was nineteen, which was the required age to be old enough to fight in the war. He had initially claimed to be eighteen and one month, which was too young. This tells us that there were not a lot of checks on people’s age, which suggests that the armed forces were desperate for recruits. He went to join up with a friend. So this source is useful. 4. Sum up, how does this information answer the question? ‘So’ is a little weak. What might be a more powerful ‘summing up’ connective? Can you sum up earlier too? New improved sentence: 4. What other reasons did people join up? Why did he go with a friend?

7. Source A is an extract from “Forgotten Voices of the Great War” released in association with the Imperial War Museum, and it tells us that Reginald Haine joined the Honourable Artillery Company in the First World War. As this source is produced in association with the Imperial War Museum to record experiences in the First World War, we can assume it is accurate and reliable as it is designed to educate people, therefore making it a useful source. However… He joined up on City Road and was asked if he was nineteen, which was the required age to be old enough to fight in the war. He had initially claimed to be eighteen and one month, which was too young. This tells us that there were not a lot of checks on people’s age, which suggests that the armed forces were desperate for recruits. He went to join up with a friend, who had initially said that he was going to join up and had invited Reginald along. This sources shows us one reason for why people joined up in the First World War, however, it does not tell us… So this source is useful. 5. It’s good, but it needs a topic sentence. What point have you made. What have you proved? 5. How does this compare with WW2? Opening / Topic Sentence: How can you improve the last sentence?

8. Source A is *judge?* for telling us about how and why one person joined up to military service in the First World War. Source A is an extract from “Forgotten Voices of the Great War” released in association with the Imperial War Museum, and it tells us that Reginald Haine joined the Honourable Artillery Company in the First World War. As this source is produced in association with the Imperial War Museum to record experiences in the First World War, we can assume it is accurate and reliable as it is designed to educate people, therefore making it a useful source. However… He joined up on City Road and was asked if he was nineteen, which was the required age to be old enough to fight in the war. He had initially claimed to be eighteen and one month, which was too young. He went to join up with a friend, who had initially said that he was going to join up and had invited Reginald along, which is similar/different to the Second World War because…. This sources shows us one reason for why people joined up in the First World War, however, it does not tell us… Overall, this source is...