1. Have you ever wondered? How do you take care of it when a girl is annoying you but you don’t want to be mean? What if your best friend is being really mean to you and he won’t admit it? What if you have a friend who is making you choose between her and another friend? What is the point of telling someone you’re mad at them? They’ll just make more fun of you or get even madder. I want to tell an adult this really big problem but I don’t want them to freak out.

2. You feel liked by the person. You don’t feel that the person wants to put you down They will stop if you ask. Good Teasing The teaser doesn't know how you feel because you won’t tell them. Or They blow you off with, “I was just joking.” “You’re so sensitive!” Unintentional Bad Teasing You’re teased about something you’re insecure about. If you defend yourself, you’re “uptight” or threatened with ending the friendship. Relentless and public. Bad Teasing/ Bullying

3. Drama Vs. Bullying Bullying is using power or strength to make someone feel worthless. Usually defined as being one way. Drama is an exciting, unexpected, emotional series of events. Always defined as a conflict where both people are actively involved and not serious or hurtful.

4. Huddling together and leave someone out. Save seats in the cafeteria Inside jokes Secret languages Laughing when they ask what’s going on. Organizing a social activity when you know the other person you’re angry with can’t go. What does it look like?

5. Telling to get someone in trouble. The goal is to make the problem bigger and more public. Telling because the problem is too big to solve on your own. The goal is to right a wrong. Snitching Reporting vs.

6. SEAL STOP: Breathe, listen, and think when and where, now or later? EXPLAIN: What happened that you don’t like and what you want. AFFIRM: Affirm and acknowledge. LOCK: In the friendship or lock it out (and as a last resort).

7. Use SEAL When… Someone you used to be friends with is bragging and putting people down and your group is getting really tired of it. Your mom or dad jokes with one of their friends about something you feel sensitive about. Your friends ignore you. The person you like is nice in private but obnoxious to you in public.

8. Just Joking Carl: Hey Jason, Too bad, too sad you were picked last! Jason: Carl, I need to talk to you. Carl: (Laughing) In your dreams, idiot! Jason: Look, I know I’m not the best player… Carl: How about the most retarded! Jason: I know you think it’s funny to be mean to me. I want it to stop. Carl: We’re just joking, relax! Jason: You’re not joking. You’re saying just joking so you can get away with saying mean things to me. Carl: (Laughs, rolling his eyes) Fine I won’t joke around with you ever again! Jason: I want to be able to joke around. But when I don’t like it, I want you to listen to me. Carl: Sorry! (Laughing and then walks away)

9. Stop: Hanging out after school Explain: When we hang out, you boss me around and put down my ideas. It makes me not want to be with you. What? Name one time! That’s totally not true! Affirm: Like when I want to do something you don’t want to do you make fun of it. And you don’t have to agree with me but that’s what I feel and you can’t disagree with that. Well how am I supposed to know any of this? You always say, “Whatever I don’t care.” Affirm: You’re right but I’m working on it. I’m trying right now. Why are you making such a big deal out of this? You’re being so weird! Lock: Because real friends tell each other what they’re thinking.

10. My Relationship Rights List the three rights that are most important to you in a relationship or friendship. 1. 2. 3.

11. My Deal Breakers List three ways that someone could treat you where you would consider ending the friendship/relationship. 1. 2. 3.

12. You are being forced to choose a friend Stop: Put your bad feelings to words. Prepare to have conversation. Explain: I don’t like that you’re making me choose between you and Sarah. Request: I’m not asking you to be friends with Sarah too. I want to be friends with you and Sarah. Affirm: I really want you as my friend and I want you to be able to talk to me when you’re mad about something. Lock: This was really hard and I was really nervous about talking to you but I really want to keep our friendship so I was willing to take the chance.

13. Finding My Ally My top 3 choices for an ally are: 1. 2. 3.

14. Finding My Ally Qualities I’m looking for in an ally include: 1. Opinionated but not judgmental 2. Honest 3. Reliable

15. Include others Stand up for others Admit mistakes Treat people with dignity when they’re angry Apologize sincerely Getting It Right

16. Want to Reach Me? Email : rosalind@rosalindwiseman.comrosalind@rosalindwiseman.com Phone : 202.545.0633 Web : rosalindwiseman.com Facebook : Search “Rosalind Wiseman” and join my Page YouTube : Search “Rosalind Wiseman” and subscribe to RPWinc Channel Twitter : www.twitter.com/rosalindwiseman 05/16/11Copyright 2010 RPW Inc.