1. Relationships and IBD Debbie Pullen Liaison Mental Health Nurse
Liaison Psychiatry

2. What is a relationship? Family, partners, children etc
Social – friends, community groups, leisure etc
Work

3. Other People’s Attitudes to IBD
What difficulties have you experienced in your relationships with others?

4. What are the challenges?
Chronic disease with symptoms that impact on lifestyle eg pain, fatigue, toilet issues, diet etc
Taboo subject

5. Challenge
The challenge is to improve and maintain healthy relationships alongside living with IBD

6. Reflective Group Activities

7. Examples of Roles Family / Relationship Work / Task Related
Son
Manager
Mother
Partner
Teacher
Driver
Family / Relationship
Work / Task Related
Carer
Friend
Cook
Gardener
Lover
Banker
Writer
Learner
Internet
lover
Traveller
Listener
Dreamer
Interests / Passions
Personal Qualities
Runner
Socialite
Follower
Organiser
Bookworm
Carer

8. Styles of Communication
Passive
Direct
Aggression
Indirect
Aggression
Assertive

9. Direct Aggression ‘What you could do with…’ ‘How dare you!’
‘If I were you, I’d do it this way’
‘do as I say’
‘I don’t give a **** about you’
‘I always win’
Traits: Bossy
Arrogant
Intolerant
Opinionated
Over-bearing
Result: Get what you want but at what price?

10. Indirect Aggression ‘Don’t worry about me, I will manage…SOB’
‘I’ll be ill if you behave like that’
‘Can’t you take a joke’
‘I’m never angry’
‘I’m surprised that you’ve
managed that’
‘Martyrdom's my way of life’
‘You make me feel…’
Traits: Manipulative Sarcastic
Deceiving Insinuating
Ambiguous Guilt inducing
Result: Get your own way
but people back
away…

11. Passivity ‘Whatever you want is OK by me’ ‘I’m so sorry’
‘Nothing goes right for me’
‘I’m waiting for my life to get better’
‘You decide for me’
‘I don’t matter’
Traits: Waiting Martyrdom
Apologetic Indecisive
Moaning Submissive
Result: No responsibility for self, therefore no guilt
feel resentful when others take responsibility

12. Assertiveness ‘I’m not perfect’ ‘I’ll take a risk’ ‘I feel…’
‘I’m OK – you’re OK’
Traits: Open
Direct
Honest
Positive
Accepting
Spontaneous
Responsibility
Result: I like to be responsible for me and if I make mistakes, I will accept them
- Balance
Not demeaning
Self respect
Control

13. Assertiveness YOUR Feelings Needs Rights Opinions OTHERS Feelings

15. Communicating effectively
Choosing important topics
Choosing the right time
Accepting it will take time
Agreeing a language
Saying no
Repetition
Scripting

16. Strategies 1) I understand… However… Therefore…
2) Broken Record Technique
3) Scripting Tool

17. Broken Record Technique
Example:
Jo – ‘Jane can you take me to the supermarket in the car because it is
 raining?’
Jane – ‘I am unable to take you right now Jo”
Jo – ‘But it’s raining and I need to do a big shop. You know I would do the
same for you.
Jane – ‘I am unable to take you right now Jo.
Jo – ‘It will only take 20 minutes’
Jane – ‘I know it wouldn’t take that long but I am unable to take you right now.
You can borrow my umbrella if you like’
Jo – ‘Okay then, I’ll catch the bus’

18. Scripting Tool Even fish need confidence Even Event Fish Feelings Need
Needs
Consequences

19. The ‘Toolkit’ of Assertion
Body language
Setting the scene
Disclose feelings
Being clear
Staying with it
Empathising
Working for a compromise

20. Where to access help?
If you feel you are in need of help for any aspect of your mental health you can access counselling and therapy services through your GP. Just visit them and ask to be referred
If you feel you are not coping with IBD at all and would like help – liaison psychiatry can be accessed through your local IBD nurse

21. Samaritans
Carers Leeds
Relate (relationship counselling)