1. Entitled Kids & Permissive Parenting: Assessment and Strategies for Supporting the Post-Boomer Family Brooke Judkins Ph D, LPC

2. Post-Boomer Family

3. What is the “ Post-Boomer Family ” ? “ Post-Boomer ” concepts attributed to Ron Taffel, Ph.D (wrote “ The Second Family ”,2001 and “ Breaking Through to Teens ”, 2005) Created from economic, social, and technological shifts over last 30+ years: more parents working & parents working more marketing, consumerism rise of “ Parenting ” and permissiveness kids have more “ things ” but less time with parents peer groups become a “ second family ” technology provides more ways to contact others

4. Post-Boomer Family Problems with Permissiveness Parent as “ friend ” - lessens authority Creates pattern of rescuing Child ’ s low persistence to challenging tasks Poor emotion regulation in child Enmeshment often goes with permissiveness Leads to child ’ s entitlement (rebellious & defiant when desires are challenged) Child isn ’ t given opportunities to develop inner core & sense of competency (low self esteem)

5. Post-Boomer Parenting Assessing Permissiveness PSDQ (Baumrind) Two most important dimensions of parenting: Nurturance & Demandingness (Warmth & Firmness) Authoritarian Authortative Permissive __x_______________x_________________x__ Less effective Most effective Less effective React Respond React

6. Post-Boomer Parenting Assessing Permissiveness Genograms Tool to identify underlying family PATTERNS that lead to permissiveness such as: Addictions Mental & Physical health conditions Conflictual, enmeshed relationships Trauma, abusive relationships

7. Genogram Sample

8. Strategies Love & Logic Approach Emphasizes parents taking care of themselves Respond with empathy instead of anger Creates space for children to do their own problem-solving Oriented toward connection, not control

9. Strategies Love & Logic Approach *Neutralize Arguments* -One Liners ( “ Nice try ”, “ What a bummer ”, “ That ’ s an option ” etc) -Enforceable Statements ( “ When you stop interrupting me then I ’ ll continue talking with you ” ) -Disengage ( “ I ’ m feeling frustrated and I need time to calm down. I don ’ t want to argue with you. I ’ ll check in when I ’ m in a better place to talk ” )

10. Strategies Love & Logic Approach *Delayed Consequences* Gives parent time to come up with non-reactive consequence, and child time to think about what he/she has done -- “ I need time to think about an appropriate consequence and talk it over with some people. I ’ ll let you know when I ’ ve decided. In the meantime, don ’ t worry about it ” --Service withdrawal

11. Case Studies Where do you see the permissiveness? What questions or tools would you use in assessing this family? What interventions would you use with this family to address permissiveness and other issues?

12. The End Thank you for attending! Brooke Judkins Ph.D., LPC Family Program Director SUWS of the Carolinas