1. RELATIONSHIPS: Coercion & Manipulation

2. “SUSPICIOUS MINDS” – ELVIS PRESLEY
WE'RE CAUGHT IN A TRAP I CAN'T WALK OUT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH BABY WHY CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO ME WHEN YOU DON'T BELIEVE A WORD I SAY? WE CAN'T GO ON TOGETHER WITH SUSPICIOUS MINDS
AND WE CAN'T BUILD OUR DREAMS ON SUSPICIOUS MINDS

3. “SUSPICIOUS MINDS” – ELVIS PRESLEY
SO, IF AN OLD FRIEND I KNOW STOPS BY TO SAY HELLO WOULD I STILL SEE SUSPICION IN YOUR EYES? HERE WE GO AGAIN ASKING WHERE I'VE BEEN YOU CAN'T SEE THESE TEARS ARE REAL I'M CRYING (YES I'M CRYING) WE CAN'T GO ON TOGETHER WITH SUSPICIOUS MINDS
AND WE CAN'T BUILD OUR DREAMS ON SUSPICIOUS MINDS

4. “SUSPICIOUS MINDS” – ELVIS PRESLEY
OH LET OUR LOVE SURVIVE OH DRY THE TEARS FROM YOUR EYES LET'S DON'T LET A GOOD THING DIE WHEN HONEY, YOU KNOW I'VE NEVER LIED TO YOU
WE'RE CAUGHT IN A TRAP I CAN'T WALK OUT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH BABY WHY CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO ME WHEN YOU DON'T BELIEVE A WORD I SAY? DON'T YOU KNOW I'M CAUGHT IN A TRAP I CAN'T WALK OUT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH BABY

5. DISCUSS We all experience two core problems: We don’t get what we want
We can’t make other people do what we want
This is the direct opposite of Jesus’ two points of Matt 22:39.
How do these two traits affect our relationships?
What do they lead us to do?

6. ONGOING CHANGE vs TEMP SUBMISSION COMMITMENT vs COMPLIANCE
LOVE vs FEAR
POWER vs FORCE
ONGOING CHANGE vs TEMP SUBMISSION
INTERNAL vs EXTERNAL
COMMITMENT vs COMPLIANCE

8. “Being powerful is like being a lady;
if you have to tell people you are, you aren’t”
- Margaret Thatcher.

9. Emotional Self-Defence

10. FLIP THE ICEBERG

11. WORDS
FEELINGS

12. Managing Aggressive/Coercive People
People that use aggressive style:
Don’t usually intend to cause harm, usually intend to motivate.
Often don’t know how to use other, more effective techniques
Often shocked when they learn how others perceive them.
CREATING CHANGE
Make them see
Make them care
Change the environment
Leave (Luke 10)

13. “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink…”
This may be true, but:
You can make it see the water
You can work it until it’s thirsty

14. "Only time can heal your broken heart…
Just as only time can heal his broken arms & legs.”
- MISS PIGGY

15. “Rise up shepherd, rise up. Your flock has roamed far from the hills
“Rise up shepherd, rise up. Your flock has roamed far from the hills.” - Bruce Springsteen, “Rocky Ground”
“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is.” ROMANS 12:2

16. “Dark times call for dark deeds” “You’re wrong. They call for light.”
Hammer of the Gods
(coming movie)

17. Because ninety-nine percent of what you think,
“Why are you so unhappy?
Because ninety-nine percent of what you think,
And everything you do,
Is for your self,
And there isn’t one.”
WU WEI WU – CHINESE SAGE

18. “STEWARDSHIP” – PETER BLOCK
“People need to act on their own choices.
Acts of compliance do not serve those around us.
Dominance also fails.
We also do a disservice to others
when we make decisions for them.
Even if we are right.
We diminish others when we define purpose and meaning for them, even if they ask us to do so.”

19. CHOICE✓ COMPLIANCE DOMINANCE (DIMINISHED SELF) (DIMINISHED OTHERS)
STEWARDSHIP
EMPOWERMENT
RESPONSIBILITY
OWNERSHIP
ACCOUNTABLE

20. DISCUSS
What pattern does scripture suggest about how God relates to us?
What does God model in terms of preserving vs overriding choice?
What does Jesus do – how does he interact with choice?
For both God & Jesus, what exceptions are there?
Are there any patterns to those exceptions?

22. CHOICE✓ Learning to influence and persuade transparently
and with integrity is the way of the kingdom.
God expects us to influence people’s choices.
Transparently, humbly, creatively and skillfully.
(ACTS 26:28-29; MATT 10:!6)
When we use tools that take choice off people,
we are usually using the tools of the wrong kingdom.
(ROM 12:2)
COMPLIANCE
DOMINANCE
CHOICE✓
DARKNESS
DARKNESS
LIGHT

23. “...he who wins souls is wise.”
(PROV 11:30)