1. 7 Ways to Revise Sentences & Words Mrs. Michael Ch. 8 – Revising Sentences English Composition

2. Ways to Revise Your Essay 1. Eliminate Redundancy 2. Delete Weak Phrases 3. Avoid Excessive Prepositional Phrases 4. Remove unnecessary Who, Which and That Clauses

3. More Ways to Revise 5. Vary Sentence Types 6. Vary Sentence Length 7. Make Sentences Emphatic

4. 1. Eliminate Redundancy TOO WORDY : While under the influence of alcohol, many people insist they are not under the influence and swear they are sober. REVISED : While under the influence of alcohol, many people insist they are sober.

5. 2. Delete Weak Phrases Look at the phrases that do not add anything and take them OUT! Wordy ExpressionsRevised Due to the factBecause In light of the factSince In the event ofIf In many casesoften Has the ability toCan At this point in timeSoon

6. Eliminate Weak Words TOO WORDY : It is necessary that the government outlaw the production of carcinogenic pesticides. REVISED : The government must outlaw the production of carcinogenic pesticides.

7. Revise these sentences: The hybrid azaleas were light blue in color. The SnowBall Dance is for the purpose of having a winter dance that students can enjoy.

8.  TOO WORDY : Students were upset by the fact that no one in the administration consulted them.  REVISED : Student leaders were upset …

9. 3. Avoid Excessive Prepositional Phrases Too many prepositional phrases tend to make the writing choppy. (words groups that begin with at, on, during, around) Growth in the greenhouse effect may result in increases in the intensity of hurricanes. REVISED : The growing greenhouse effect may intensify hurricanes.

10. Revise the sentence: The reassurance of a neighbor who was the owner of a pit bull that his dog was incapable of harm would not be sufficient to prevent most parents from calling the authorities if the dog ran loose. Use an introductory clause: Despite the neighbor’s reassurance…,

11. 4. Remove unnecessary Who, Which and That Clauses Remove unnecessary clauses to tighten a sentence: Origina l: The employees, who protested the restrictions, went on strike, which was a real surprise to management. Revised : The employees protesting the restrictions surprised management by going on strike.

12. Tighten the sentence The townsfolk misunderstood the main point that the developer made. REVISED:

13. 5. Vary Sentence Types Varying sentence types adds variety to your writing. 1. Simple 2. Compound 3. Complex

14. 6. Vary Sentence Length Use a combination of: 1. Short sentences have impact 2. Long sentences convey a leisurely pace.

15. 7. Make Sentences Emphatic There are four ways to make your sentences more prominent: 1. Place keys ideas at the beginning or end 2. Use parallel structure 3. Use fragments for impact.

16. Place key ideas at Start or End How to place key ideas in the beginning: Original: The potentially life-saving drug, developed by junior researchers at the medical school, will be available next month.

17. Revised Beginning Developed by junior researchers at the medical school, the potentially life-saving drug will be available next month. This example places emphasis on the researchers who discovered the drug.

18. Use Parallel Structure We brought pretzels, nachos and candy bars to feed our pre-exam jitters. Identify the parallel structure: Smoothly, steadily, quietly, the snails tipped toward the sun.

19. Use Parallel Verbs The guest lecturer spoke to the group, showed her slides, and then invited questions.

20. Use Fragments A fragment is part of sentence punctuated as if it were a whole sentence and is used for impact. It creates emphasis and effect. Fragments Used for Impact Resting quietly. Expect for the trees. Because they admired her. A demanding boss who accepted no excuses.