1. Foundations of Team Leadership 1 Challenging Conversations

2. Foundations of Team Leadership 6f-2 When we engage with others from a mental model of “Be in Control,” we can find ourselves in defensive and unproductive conversations: Assume we are right See ourselves as more reasonable than others Assign negative attributes and motives to others Hold others accountable for problems CAVEAT: A difficult conversation is not situation involving serious performance or behavior issues. Why Are Some Conversations Challenging?

3. Foundations of Team Leadership 6f-3 Mutual Learning Inquiry Advocacy Low High Low High Purpose of Positive Advocacy & Inquiry

4. Foundations of Team Leadership 6f-4 Balanced Approach to Advocacy & Inquiry High Low High Inquiry Advocacy Explaining ( Imposing ) Inquiring ( Interrogating ) Understanding ( Over-Engaging ) Co- Exploration Engaging ( Withdrawing ) Source: Senge Fifth Discipline Fieldbook Transforming the Way We Work and Learn Together HRSLOFoundation of Team Leadership

5. Foundations of Team Leadership 6f-5 Balanced Approach to Advocacy & Inquiry Low High Low High Inquiry Advocacy Source: Senge Fifth Discipline Fieldbook Transforming the Way We Work and Learn Together HRSLOFoundation of Team Leadership Explaining Inquiring Understanding Co- Exploration Engaging ( Imposing ) ( Interrogating ) ( Over-Engaging ) Co- Exploration ( Withdrawing )

6. Foundations of Team Leadership 6f-6 Balanced Approach to Advocacy & Inquiry Transforming the Way We Work and Learn Together HRSLOFoundation of Team Leadership Low High Low High Inquiry Advocacy Source: Senge Fifth Discipline Fieldbook Explaining Inquiring Understanding Co- Exploration Engaging ( Imposing ) ( Interrogating ) ( Over-Engaging ) Co- Exploration ( Withdrawing )

7. Foundations of Team Leadership 6f-7 First, seek to understand-Then value the other party’s perspective Have an end in mind- But listen for what might be a win-win from both parties’ point of view Focus on what is common to both parties and work towards a collaborative and productive achieving of the goal- project outcome- or direction Be willing to move the conversation towards an outcome that is mutually satisfactory Only small steps are undertaken at a time- movement in the right direction is what is key Approaching Challenging Conversations

8. Foundations of Team Leadership 6f-8 Balanced Approach to Advocacy & Inquiry Transforming the Way We Work and Learn Together HRSLOFoundation of Team Leadership Low High Low High Inquiry Advocacy Source: Senge Fifth Discipline Fieldbook Explaining Inquiring Understanding Co- Exploration Engaging ( Imposing ) ( Interrogating ) ( Over-Engaging ) Co- Exploration ( Withdrawing ) Seeking to Understand WIN-WIN Co- Exploration Respect- Appreciate

9. Foundations of Team Leadership 2a-9 Effective & Balanced Communications WIN-WIN Seeking to Understand Respect- Appreciate Advocacy Inquiry

10. Foundations of Team Leadership 6f-10 Managing Difficult Conversations We can bring team communication tools to bear on our conversations, we can approach our interactions with others from a mindset of “Mutual Learning:” Assume we have partial knowledge Grant legitimacy to other perspectives Assume positive intentions on the part of others Acknowledge our role in problems Embrace learning

11. Foundations of Team Leadership 6f-11 Preparing for Challenging Conversations Prepare your approach in terms of transparent advocacy and genuine inquiry… Know how you react when you are feeling vulnerable or defensive (Unexplored Left hand Column) and prepare accordingly Rehearse clear, neutral, and temperate responses in advance (with a friend or a learning partner is helpful )

12. Foundations of Team Leadership 6f-12 Understand your mental models Become aware of how you are using the Ladder of Inference Pay attention to your Private Thinking (Left Hand Column) Draw on the rigorous approaches fostering Mutual Learning Approaching Challenging Conversations

13. Foundations of Team Leadership 6f-13 Do not get discouraged if the conversation does not resolve itself this time- some situations take more time, effort and more conversations Success is keeping the door open- as long as there is a willingness to dialogue, there is potential for resolution Approaching Challenging Conversations

14. Foundations of Team Leadership 6f-14 Team Activity Integration Exercise: Communications Skills

15. Foundations of Team Leadership 6f-15 Managing Difficult Conversations Exercise in Triad for 3 Rounds of Role Plays Each Round (15 minutes each) Set UP : Time: 3 minutes Person A briefs Person B about difficult conversation that they want to role play. Person B clarifies aspects of assigned role for purpose of role play. Person C to be a coach and observe person A’s performance. Role Play : Time: 5 minutes Person A roles plays conversation they want to have. Person B responds and is moved by the ‘‘stance of collaboration’’ practiced by Person A, (approach, listening skills, inquiry, sharing of assumptions, win-win attitude)

16. Foundations of Team Leadership 6f-16 Managing Difficult Conversations Exercise in Triad for 3 Rounds of Role Plays Each Round (15 minutes each) CONTINUED Debrief: Time: 7 minutes Person B shares what it was like talking to Person A while being in “role”-(How they felt- What moved them). Person C as coach shares observations of Person A’s skills in applying the ‘stance of collaboration’ approach. Switch: After 15 minutes, individuals to switch roles and start process all over again for a new round. There will be 3 rounds so that each individual gets the opportunity to role play their difficult conversation challenge.

17. Foundations of Team Leadership 6f-17 Use phrases like “How can I best support you in your undertaking?… What do you need from me…? How could we work towards a common goal? Approaching Challenging Conversations

18. Foundations of Team Leadership Challenging Conversation Please fill out form when you are in the role of coach and remit to your “ coachee ” -person A ROLE PLAY Round Role ‘ A ’ Person being themselves in difficult situation- Practicing new skill Role “ B ” Person acting role of difficult person- Must shift when moved by A Role “ C ” Coach observing role play, must take notes and provide feedback Actions? NA?Specific comments- Why Effective or Not? Conveyed genuine understanding by paraphrasing appropriately Open and Supportive BODY Stance? Appreciated other ’ s point of view? Open to considering new data ? Did not push own point of view-made own assumptions clear Conveyed genuine understanding by paraphrasing appropriately Proposed /suggested win-wins good for both parties Did not push “ mutual agreement ” -too quickly – (offer to meet again if appropriate)