1. Bob Brinker Parent and Community Education Specialist

3. Group Rules Share your wisdom Ask questions Take care of yourself Cheat Have fun Agree to disagree Honor people’s stories What we talk about stays here

4. Rules for Grief Program Each loss is unique We don’t compare losses and pain We do not need fixed We listen to one and another’s stories with dignity and respect

5. 1. Total Honesty (telling your emotional truth) 2. Absolute Confidentiality 3. Uniqueness and Individuality

6. Hearts have been broken Experienced great pain Many losses have been overlooked Each loss is unique: “I don’t know how you feel.”

7. Grief “conflicting feelings caused by a change or an end to a familiar pattern if behavior”

8. Losses Loss of pet Death of a grandparent Moving Loss of economic security Finishing/beginning school Health issues Divorce/separation Loss of self-esteem Removal from home Abuse/neglect issues Incarceration

9. Intangible Losses 1. Loss of safety 2. Loss of control 3. Loss of self-esteem

10. Recovering from grief is a series of small and correct action steps

11. Caregiver Function for Grieving Children 1. Provide honest and open relationships with children 2. Provide a safe and secure place where children can mourn 3. Be role models of healthy mourning

13. Loss Euphemisms Regarding Death Went to sleep Gone away Meet his maker Pushing up daisies Expired Bought the farm Dead as a door nail Answered the calling Jesus needed him Eternal rest Went to be with those who went before them

14. 6 Myths of Grieving 1. Don’t feel bad 2. Replace the loss 3. Grieve alone 4. Be strong 5. Keep busy 6. Time heals all wounds

15. These six myths take us away from the emotional, spiritual, and intellectual process of grieving.

16. Incomplete grief is undelivered emotional communications which might include Apologies Forgiveness Undelivered emotional communication

18. Food Drugs Sex Anger Acting out Fantasy Isolation Exercise Workaholism Shopping

19. The Problems with STERB’s 1. They appear to work 2. They are short-term 3. They do not remove the cork jamming the tea kettle

20. “Completion is the action of discovering and communicating directly or indirectly, the undelivered emotions which attach to any relationship that changes.”

21. When children and adults complete the process of grieving they Deal with both the negative and positive aspects of the relationship Hold on to sadness but end the pain Remember the loved one the way he or she knew them in life Express what needs to be said so it is no longer trapped inside Say goodbye to the physical relationship while holding on to the emotional and spiritual relationship

22. “Grief Recovery is rediscovering what it is that is your nature to be so that you need not be in conflict with it anymore.”

23. Bob Brinker Parent and Community Education Specialist brinkerb@fswp.org