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ACT for Spiritual Development Hank Robb, Ph.D., ABPP, Boulder, CO 2012 Accept the world as it is, was or may be. Choose, and willingly follow, your Leading Principles & Values. Teach others to do the same. Accept the world as it is, was or may be. Choose, and willingly follow, your Leading Principles & Values. Teach others to do the same.
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Assumptions You are one being in one universe. You are one being in one universe.
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Assumptions If you have the usual “body parts,” you have hands, feet, arms and a mouth. They are part of your one being.
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Assumptions You also have a “mind” and a “spirit.” They, too, are part of your one being.
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Assumptions Your feet are not your hands and your hands are not your mind and your mind is not your spirit.
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Assumptions Yet, they are all part of the one being that is you. Yet, they are all part of the one being that is you.
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Assumptions Conditions of the universe arose that brought you into existence and, one-day, conditions will change and you will go out of existence.
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Assumptions The actions you take in your one life will affect the one universe of which you are now a part and that was here before you and will be here after you.
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Assumptions Those effects may be characterized as great or small, good or evil, or in a variety of other ways. None of us knows, for sure, what effects each of us will have.
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Assumptions However, each may know what effect was intended, if, indeed, one was intended.
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Assumptions Whatever you are going to do you will do here and now, in this place and in this moment, because there is no “other place” and no “other moment.”
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DESIRE Human beings have desires. They want “stuff.” Human beings have desires. They want “stuff.”
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DESIRE - FULFILLMENT Fulfillment comes when you get what you want.
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DESIRE - SORROW Sorrow comes when you don’t get what do you want, or do get what you don’t want. Sorrow comes when you don’t get what do you want, or do get what you don’t want.
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FULFILMENTS: TWO TYPES Some fulfillments are like vegetables. They nourish you. Others are like cotton candy. They taste good in the moment and have little or no nourishment. Some fulfillments are like vegetables. They nourish you. Others are like cotton candy. They taste good in the moment and have little or no nourishment.
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Happiness & Unhappiness These are names for two relationships we can have with our lives which will, inevitably, contain sorrow, fulfillment and the in between.
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HAPPINESS: A Permission Giving Relationship with Life as Sorrow, Fulfillment and In Between. A Permission Giving Relationship with Life as Sorrow, Fulfillment and In Between.
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Giving your permission IS NOT giving your approval. That for which you give your approve is one thing. That for which you give your permission is something else. My wife approves of pickles in tuna fish. I don’t! That for which you give your approve is one thing. That for which you give your permission is something else. My wife approves of pickles in tuna fish. I don’t!
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UNHAPPINESS: A Permission Withholding Relationship with Life as Sorrow, Fulfillment and In Between. A Permission Withholding Relationship with Life as Sorrow, Fulfillment and In Between.
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HAPPINESS IS NOT FULFILLMENT UNHAPPINESS IS NOT SORROW UNHAPPINESS IS NOT SORROW
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FULFILLMENT YES NO 1. FULFILLED & HAPPY 2. SORROWFUL & HAPPY 3. FULFILLED & UNHAPPY 4. SORROWFUL & UNHAPPY PERMISSIONGIVINGPERMISSIONGIVING YES NO
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If you want HAPPINESS and don’t get it you will feel sad. And, your sorrow isn’t unhappiness. You could be sad and happy by maintaining a permission giving relationship with life as sorrow, fulfillment and in between. You could be sad and unhappy by maintaining a permission withholding relationship with life as sorrow, fulfillment and in between. And, your sorrow isn’t unhappiness. You could be sad and happy by maintaining a permission giving relationship with life as sorrow, fulfillment and in between. You could be sad and unhappy by maintaining a permission withholding relationship with life as sorrow, fulfillment and in between.
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If you want HAPPINESS and get it, you will feel fulfillment. And, your fulfillment isn’t happiness. You will experience fulfillment because you wanted a certain relationship with life as sorrow, fulfillment and in between and you got that relationship. At least for the moment! And, your fulfillment isn’t happiness. You will experience fulfillment because you wanted a certain relationship with life as sorrow, fulfillment and in between and you got that relationship. At least for the moment!
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This mode of spiritual development does not aim at either fulfillment or happiness. It aims at Fulfillment AND Happiness! It aims at Fulfillment AND Happiness!
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FULFILLMENT YES NO 1. FULFILLED & HAPPY 2. SORROWFUL & HAPPY 3. FULFILLED & UNHAPPY 4. SORROWFUL & UNHAPPY PERMISSIONGIVINGPERMISSIONGIVING YES NO
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Some fulfillments are cool. Some fulfillments are very cool. And some fulfillments are WAY COOL! Some fulfillments are very cool. And some fulfillments are WAY COOL!
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Doc, how will I know which fulfillments will prove, for me, WAY COOL? I have no idea! And neither does anybody else, even when they claim they do. I have no idea! And neither does anybody else, even when they claim they do.
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PURSUING “WAY COOL” Try different things and listen for the “echo” inside yourself. “Way Cool” is like one instrument playing softly and if you follow it, it becomes louder and more orchestrated or it fades because it was an illusion. Try different things and listen for the “echo” inside yourself. “Way Cool” is like one instrument playing softly and if you follow it, it becomes louder and more orchestrated or it fades because it was an illusion.
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PURSUING WAY COOL The experience is not so much like the world “talking” to you as it is something in you “resonating” with the world. The “tuning fork within goes off.” The experience is not so much like the world “talking” to you as it is something in you “resonating” with the world. The “tuning fork within goes off.”
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Searching for WAY COOL means going on an adventure. Adventures have at least two aspects. You can’t know for sure how they will turn out. You have to have a sense of, at least, some danger. Adventures have at least two aspects. You can’t know for sure how they will turn out. You have to have a sense of, at least, some danger.
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That’s why jumping off a one story building is an adventure and jumping off a ten story building isn’t. We know how that turns out!
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If you know for sure how it will turn out, that’s “Disneyland.” If there’s no sense of danger, that’s “a walk in the park.”
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“Will I find ice cream, or anything else, WAY COOL?” You could ask those who never had any. You could ask those who have had some. You could read a book about it. You could eat some ice cream! You could ask those who never had any. You could ask those who have had some. You could read a book about it. You could eat some ice cream!
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Thoughts, Images & Sensations “Mental Experiences” are largely made up of Thoughts: those “radio programs inside your head” & Images: anything with a “picture.” “Mental Experiences” are largely made up of Thoughts: those “radio programs inside your head” & Images: anything with a “picture.”
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Thoughts, Images & Sensations “Bodily sensations” include your heart beating faster or slower. Your hands feeling cooler or warmer. Your stomach feeling more tense or more relaxed.
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Thoughts, Images & Sensations Sometimes you can control your thoughts, images and sensations. More often they just “arrive.” Sometimes you can control your thoughts, images and sensations. More often they just “arrive.” Jack and Jill went up the …
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Little Miss Muffet sat on a … When was the last time “tuffet” was in your head? I didn’t know what a “tuffet” was until I looked it up I have a good “story” about how “tuffet” got in my head and no real memory. Lot’s of “stuff” that “shows up” is like that. When was the last time “tuffet” was in your head? I didn’t know what a “tuffet” was until I looked it up I have a good “story” about how “tuffet” got in my head and no real memory. Lot’s of “stuff” that “shows up” is like that.
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Thoughts, images and sensations come from: your personal learning history and your biological history – and so does your spirit. Thoughts, images and sensations come from: your personal learning history and your biological history – and so does your spirit.
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Some Facets of “Spirit” (1) noticing, and noticing that we are noticing, (2) a sense of having been there for about as long as we can remember, (3) a sense of stability, like the eye of a hurricane (1) noticing, and noticing that we are noticing, (2) a sense of having been there for about as long as we can remember, (3) a sense of stability, like the eye of a hurricane
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Some Facets of “Spirit” (4) the “buzz of being” rather than an evaluation, (5) sensing a certainty of bodily control without regard to thoughts, images or bodily sensations, and (6) the ability to “pick” what we do and the way we do it. (4) the “buzz of being” rather than an evaluation, (5) sensing a certainty of bodily control without regard to thoughts, images or bodily sensations, and (6) the ability to “pick” what we do and the way we do it.
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Formula for Human Liberation By making myself do something unpleasant, and refraining from doing something pleasant, in the service of something I make more important, I will never have to be a slave to circumstance.
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In high school you do unpleasant homework, and don’t do things that would be a lot more pleasant. Just to annoy yourself? No. In the service of actually learning something or simply making better grades. Just to annoy yourself? No. In the service of actually learning something or simply making better grades.
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And some didn’t learn to act for something positive. They learned to act to avoid something negative such as keeping parents or teachers “off their back.” That was the “wrong” lesson!
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Leading Principles Leading Principles are like using a compass to go East or West rather than North. Follow a compass North and you will reach magnetic North. The compass neddle will spin around and every time you walk away it will point you back to where you came from. Leading Principles are like using a compass to go East or West rather than North. Follow a compass North and you will reach magnetic North. The compass neddle will spin around and every time you walk away it will point you back to where you came from.
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Leading Principles Go East or West with your compass and you will never come to some place like magnetic North.
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Goals verses Leading Principles Goals are places at which you can “arrive.” Have a baby. Get married. Graduate high school Goals are places at which you can “arrive.” Have a baby. Get married. Graduate high school
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Goals verses Leading Principles Leading Principles give direction rather than describe places to “arrive.” When would you be “arrive” at: Be the best parent I can be? Be the best mate I can be? Be as educated as I can be? You can always get up the next day and keep going! Leading Principles give direction rather than describe places to “arrive.” When would you be “arrive” at: Be the best parent I can be? Be the best mate I can be? Be as educated as I can be? You can always get up the next day and keep going!
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Leading Principles Give direction rather than location & do so without regard to location. Provide direction through the wilderness of life rather than a path through it. Give direction rather than location & do so without regard to location. Provide direction through the wilderness of life rather than a path through it.
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Leading Principles “The path” is where you’ve been. If you are “on a path,” it is someone else’s path because NO ONE has lived your life before. You are the only one who can do it! “The path” is where you’ve been. If you are “on a path,” it is someone else’s path because NO ONE has lived your life before. You are the only one who can do it!
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Values Values are WAYS of performing regardless of which Leading Principle you are following, e.g. honestly, considerately, kindly, thoughtfully, etc. Not many value deceitfully, inconsiderately, meanly or thoughtlessly; though they could.
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Leading Principles The “picture within a picture” TV screen with its “Big Picture” and “little picture” is also a good metaphor
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Leading Principles The “Big Picture of your life” is formed by your Leading Principles and Values. The “little picture of the moment” is where you implement them. The “Big Picture of your life” is formed by your Leading Principles and Values. The “little picture of the moment” is where you implement them.
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Leading Principles Start walking. At what point are you “unable” to “change directions?” That is the experience of “human freedom.” Start walking. At what point are you “unable” to “change directions?” That is the experience of “human freedom.”
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TRANSCENDENCE You transcended your desire not to do your homework and do other fun stuff and did your homework any way! By following your Leading Principles, you acted in ways you didn’t feel like acting. You transcended your desire not to do your homework and do other fun stuff and did your homework any way! By following your Leading Principles, you acted in ways you didn’t feel like acting.
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“Midlife Crisis” Getting to the top of the ladder and finding it’s against the wrong wall. Typically produced by following someone else’s agenda. Getting to the top of the ladder and finding it’s against the wrong wall. Typically produced by following someone else’s agenda.
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Formula for Human Serenity in Action Let me accept (give my permission for) life as I find it, (as life is, was or may be) even though I may not approve of what I find, wisdom to see what would be good to change, willingness to act and willingness to follow through, and gratitude for the opportunity to live my life as best I can.
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Giving your permission IS NOT giving your approval. That for which you give your approve is one thing. That for which you give your permission is something else. That for which you give your approve is one thing. That for which you give your permission is something else.
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When you don’t give your permission for Life to be as it is was or may be who suffers, You or Life?
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Two Kinds of Willingness Willingness with your feet. Willingness with your heart. Willingness with your feet. Willingness with your heart.
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Two Kinds of Willingness Willingness with your feet allows you to TRANSEND the controlling role of thoughts, images, sensations and conditions outside your skin
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Two Kinds of Willingness Willingness with your heart allows you to TRANSCEND the struggle with yourself.
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Willingness with your heart is more metaphorical than willingness with your feet. You can see people moving their feet (as well as their hands, arms and mouth). When it comes to willingness with your heart, I’m not talking about that big muscle in the middle of your chest! You can see people moving their feet (as well as their hands, arms and mouth). When it comes to willingness with your heart, I’m not talking about that big muscle in the middle of your chest!
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Make A Fist. All it takes to have an open hand is to stop holding your hand closed. Willingness is like that. Just stop holding your heart closed and it will open all by itself. You don’t have to do something. You have to stop doing something. All it takes to have an open hand is to stop holding your hand closed. Willingness is like that. Just stop holding your heart closed and it will open all by itself. You don’t have to do something. You have to stop doing something.
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Cup Your Hands Metaphorically speaking, you can “hold gently” experiences that are themselves not gentle. Just let them rest there, held gently, doing whatever it is that they do, while you “hold them gently.” Metaphorically speaking, you can “hold gently” experiences that are themselves not gentle. Just let them rest there, held gently, doing whatever it is that they do, while you “hold them gently.”
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At the Movies To go to the movie of the life you are interested in living, there are two “prices to be paid:” one of bodily movement and one of the thoughts, images and sensations that show up. And, you can pay them willingly. To go to the movie of the life you are interested in living, there are two “prices to be paid:” one of bodily movement and one of the thoughts, images and sensations that show up. And, you can pay them willingly.
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The world is filled with contingent requirements, and you have a choice as to how you fulfill them.
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To make this slide show, I had to make it. And I had a choice of the “banner” under which I went about the activity. “I have to. I have to. I have to.” OR “I choose to. I choose to. I choose to.” And I had a choice of the “banner” under which I went about the activity. “I have to. I have to. I have to.” OR “I choose to. I choose to. I choose to.”
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“I choose to. I choose to. I choose to” is the banner of human liberation. “I have to. I have to. I have to” is the banner of human slavery. And WATCH OUT for slave revolts! “I choose to. I choose to. I choose to” is the banner of human liberation. “I have to. I have to. I have to” is the banner of human slavery. And WATCH OUT for slave revolts!
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Under which banner are you acting?
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“Gratitude for the Opportunity to Live My Life as Best I Can” While all other beings are living their lives as best they can, as far as we know, only we can TRY to live our lives as best we can. We can act WITH purpose, ON purpose. While all other beings are living their lives as best they can, as far as we know, only we can TRY to live our lives as best we can. We can act WITH purpose, ON purpose.
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Spiritual Love Looking out for someone’s, or something’s, long-term best interests. It’s a choice not necessarily related to affection, affiliation, or sexual attraction. Looking out for someone’s, or something’s, long-term best interests. It’s a choice not necessarily related to affection, affiliation, or sexual attraction.
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You can love yourself as well as others, but maybe not at the same time.
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The price of being a sensitive human being is that you will feel the pain of others.
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The price of living YOUR life will be bringing pain, in the form of sorrow, into the lives of others.
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Why? Because in living YOUR life, you will not always be giving others what they want. And sorrow is what happens when people don’t get what they want. And, if you are a sensitive human being, you will feel the sorrow you are giving them! Because in living YOUR life, you will not always be giving others what they want. And sorrow is what happens when people don’t get what they want. And, if you are a sensitive human being, you will feel the sorrow you are giving them!
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And what the hell kind of world is that?! The one we appear to be living in! The one we appear to be living in!
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Forgiveness Forgiveness means you stop holding the facts against someone (e.g. your mate) or something (e.g. the world in general).
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Forgiveness does not mean: forgetting the facts, excusing the facts, explaining the facts, understanding the facts or anything other than not holding the facts against someone or something.
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If you stop holding the facts against someone or something, that doesn’t mean you couldn’t start doing it again.
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And the fact that you started doing it again doesn’t mean you couldn’t stop doing it, AGAIN! & AGAIN! & AGAIN! & AGAIN! AGAIN! & AGAIN! & AGAIN! & AGAIN!
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Forgiveness is like pushing your finger hard against someone, or something, and then “letting go.”
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If you are pushing hard against someone else, then you have to release their pain in order to release yours. That’s the “price of admission” to letting go of the pain of unforgiveness. you have to release their pain in order to release yours. That’s the “price of admission” to letting go of the pain of unforgiveness.
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And how often are you pushing against something other than an actual living being? There’s no one “there” and yet you keep pushing, pushing, pushing.
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The only pain being generated is YOURS!
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Of course, if you want to keep pushing, a good story can help. That bitch or bastard! He, she or it WRONGED me and I MUST not let them get away with that! They deserve a good smashing and bashing! And I’m just the person to give it to them! That bitch or bastard! He, she or it WRONGED me and I MUST not let them get away with that! They deserve a good smashing and bashing! And I’m just the person to give it to them!
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Did you ever hear a story like that?
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Did you ever tell a story like that?
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And by the way, YOU are one of the “someones” you could stop holding the facts against. YOU could forgive yourself. AGAIN! & AGAIN! & AGAIN! YOU are one of the “someones” you could stop holding the facts against. YOU could forgive yourself. AGAIN! & AGAIN! & AGAIN!
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And you could WILLINGLY stop holding the facts against someone or something!
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Reconciliation Reconciliation means giving them, or it, a chance to do it again! It means going on an adventure where at least some of the danger is being hurt in the same way you were hurt the last time. Reconciliation means giving them, or it, a chance to do it again! It means going on an adventure where at least some of the danger is being hurt in the same way you were hurt the last time.
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And what would be the point of doing that? I have no idea! What would be the point of YOU doing that? I have no idea! What would be the point of YOU doing that?
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What Leading Principle would you be instantiating by reconciling? Or by refusing to reconcile?
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And you could do that WILLINGLY!
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Order of Action First, willingly head in your chosen direction. This is not the same as just trying to get away from where you currently are. First, willingly head in your chosen direction. This is not the same as just trying to get away from where you currently are.
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You can’t go without leaving. You can’t leave without going. To which one are you giving the emphasis? Going or leaving? To which one are you giving the emphasis? Going or leaving?
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Order of Action Second, make yourself as comfortable as possible while you keep on going.
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There’s nothing wrong with “smelling the roses along the way” as long as it doesn’t make you late for LIFE!
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Competence & Confidence You gain competence about anything the same way you gained it about riding a bicycle. First, get on and start riding. When you fall off, you don’t buy either, “This means I can’t ride,” or “It hurts so much to fall off, I won’t try any more.” You gain competence about anything the same way you gained it about riding a bicycle. First, get on and start riding. When you fall off, you don’t buy either, “This means I can’t ride,” or “It hurts so much to fall off, I won’t try any more.”
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Competence & Confidence You gain confidence when you perform successfully over time and give the credit for your performance to YOU. Not to, “it was Tuesday.” Not to, “the bike was red.” Not to, “the audience was friendly.” And not to, “I just got lucky.” Not to, “it was Tuesday.” Not to, “the bike was red.” Not to, “the audience was friendly.” And not to, “I just got lucky.”
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The Parable of the Skydiver Skydiver dove out of an airplane. Neither the regular chute nor the emergency chute opened. Skydiver realized there were at least four possibilities: Skydiver dove out of an airplane. Neither the regular chute nor the emergency chute opened. Skydiver realized there were at least four possibilities:
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The Parable of the Skydiver Face the ground and enjoy the ride down. Start worrying about what would happen when s/he hit the ground. Review in exquisite detail exactly how s/he got into this situation. Work as diligently as possible to get the emergency chute open. Start worrying about what would happen when s/he hit the ground. Review in exquisite detail exactly how s/he got into this situation. Work as diligently as possible to get the emergency chute open.
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Developing Some Spiritual Facets Noticing, and noticing that we are noticing, A sense of stability, like the eye of a hurricane The “buzz of being” rather than an evaluation, Bodily control without regard to thoughts, images or bodily sensations The ability to “pick” what we do and the way we do it. Noticing, and noticing that we are noticing, A sense of stability, like the eye of a hurricane The “buzz of being” rather than an evaluation, Bodily control without regard to thoughts, images or bodily sensations The ability to “pick” what we do and the way we do it.
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ACT for Spiritual Development Accept the world as it is, was or may be. Choose, and willingly follow, your Values & Leading Principles. Teach others to do the same. Accept the world as it is, was or may be. Choose, and willingly follow, your Values & Leading Principles. Teach others to do the same.
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LET IT Be The Beatles (Lennon/McCartney)
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When I find myself in times of trouble Mother Mary comes to me Speaking words of wisdom, let it be And in my hour of darkness She is standing right in front of me Speaking words of wisdom, let it be Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be Whisper words of wisdom, let it be When I find myself in times of trouble Mother Mary comes to me Speaking words of wisdom, let it be And in my hour of darkness She is standing right in front of me Speaking words of wisdom, let it be Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
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LET IT Be The Beatles (Lennon/McCartney) And when the brokenhearted people Living in the world agree There will be an answer, let it be For though they may be parted There is still a chance that they will see There will be an answer, let it be And when the brokenhearted people Living in the world agree There will be an answer, let it be For though they may be parted There is still a chance that they will see There will be an answer, let it be
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LET IT Be The Beatles (Lennon/McCartney) Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be Yeah, there will be an answer let it be Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be Whisper words of wisdom Let it be Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be Whisper words of wisdom Let it be Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be Yeah, there will be an answer let it be Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be Whisper words of wisdom Let it be Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be Whisper words of wisdom Let it be
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LET IT Be The Beatles (Lennon/McCartney) And when the night is cloudy, There is still a light that shines on me, Shine on ‘til tomorrow, let it be. I wake up to the sound of music Mother Mary comes to me Speaking words of wisdom, let it be. And when the night is cloudy, There is still a light that shines on me, Shine on ‘til tomorrow, let it be. I wake up to the sound of music Mother Mary comes to me Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
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LET IT Be The Beatles (Lennon/McCartney) Yeah, let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be There will be an answer, let it be Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be Whisper words of wisdom Let it be Yeah, let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be There will be an answer, let it be Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be Whisper words of wisdom Let it be
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All You Need Is Love The Beatles (Lennon/McCartney)
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(Love, love, love)
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All You Need Is Love The Beatles (Lennon/McCartney) There's nothing you can do that can't be done Nothing you can sing that can't be sung Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game It's easy There's nothing you can make that can't me made No one you can save that can't be saved Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time It's easy There's nothing you can do that can't be done Nothing you can sing that can't be sung Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game It's easy There's nothing you can make that can't me made No one you can save that can't be saved Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time It's easy
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All You Need Is Love The Beatles (Lennon/McCartney) All you need is love All you need is love, love Love is all you need All you need is love All you need is love, love Love is all you need All you need is love All you need is love, love Love is all you need All you need is love All you need is love, love Love is all you need
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All You Need Is Love The Beatles (Lennon/McCartney) There's nothing you can know that isn't known Nothing you can see that isn't shown There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be It's easy All you need is love All you need is love, love Love is all you need There's nothing you can know that isn't known Nothing you can see that isn't shown There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be It's easy All you need is love All you need is love, love Love is all you need
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All You Need Is Love The Beatles (Lennon/McCartney) All you need is love, all together now All you need is love, everybody All you need is love, love Love is all you need Love is all you need All you need is love, all together now All you need is love, everybody All you need is love, love Love is all you need Love is all you need
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