1. Sample Thesis - Bad There were many responses to the spread of Buddhism in China. Some responses were positive towards Buddhism, some responses were neutral, and others were negative.

2. Sample Thesis - Better There were a variety of responses to the spread of Buddhism in China after the fall of the Han Dynasty. Some Chinese converted to Buddhism because it promised an end to sorrow. Some Chinese attempted to reconcile Buddhism and existing Chinese beliefs. Yet, some elite Chinese believed it was destroying Chinese culture. Their responses varied according to their position and time period the document was recorded.

3. Sample Thesis - Best Chinese responses to the spread of Buddhism seemed to depend upon the time period the document was recorded. Early supporters, living in an era of political disunity, believed Buddhism could help end sorrow. As the imperial system was reestablished two additional responses emerged. Some scholars attempt to reconcile the increasing popular Buddhism with existing Chinese beliefs, while officials in government began to attack Buddhism as a threat to Chinese culture.

4. Body Paragraph - Worst Zhi Dun said whoever follows the teaching of Buddha will achieve nirvana at the end of their life (2). Zhi Dun said this because he was living in era of disunity.

5. Body Paragraph - Bad Some people supported Buddhism. Zhi Dun said whoever follows the teaching of Buddha will achieve nirvana at the end of their life (2). Zhi Dun said this because he was living in era of disunity.

6. Body Paragraph - Better Some Chinese believed Buddhism could help put an end to sorrow. China was experiencing a lot of sorrow due to nomadic invasions, so the idea of an afterlife free of sorrow would be appealing. It was during this era that the most positive responses to Buddhism emerged. For example, Zhi Dun said whoever follows the teaching of Buddha will achieve nirvana at the end of their life (2).

7. Body Paragraph - Best Early Chinese, writing during an era of disunity, believed Buddhism could help put an end to sorrow. People tend to turn towards religions of salvation during a period of disunity and the Chinese were no exception. Early Chinese responses were positive, because Buddhism provided the Chinese with a sorrow free afterlife which was an idea Confucianism was lacking. According to Zhi Dun, Buddhism was worth supporting because following the teachings of the Buddha meant an afterlife of spiritual bliss (2).