1. Restorative Practices What it means and why it works for everyone!

2. AIM OF RESTORATIVE PRACTICE IN SCHOOL COMMUNITIES To manage conflict and tensions by repairing harm and strengthening relationships as a way of building community.

3. What Restorative Means Restorative means ‘making things new again’ What do you need to do to ‘restore’ your relationship if you hurt somebody or make that person feel sad? To be ‘restorative’ you need to say sorry, not do it again and make things right by talking about it so you can still be friends.

4. Explaining The Practice People often ask the following question: “When people do the wrong thing, how do you challenge them so they stop and think about what they did, take responsibility for their behaviour, and importantly not be resentful towards you?”

5. Relationships and Learning Basic Concepts: Good relationships are the basis for learning. Anything that affects relationships [such as inappropriate behaviour] impacts on learning. Challenging inappropriate behaviour needs to be experienced as an opportunity for learning. “Learning is enhanced by challenge and is impeded by threat.” As a society when someone does the wrong thing, what is our most usual response?

6. Blame & Punishment What is the first question we ask when someone does the wrong thing? If we ask ‘why’, what answers do you expect to get? What is the problem with the ‘why’ question? How does blame impact on learning?

7. Simple Contrast Adversarial (Blame) approach : “What happened, who is to blame, what punishment or sanction is needed?” Restorative approach: “What happened, what harm has resulted and what needs to happen to make things right?”

8. Adversarial Restorative Focus is in the past Preoccupied with blame Deterrence linked to punishment Focus in past, present & future Emphasis on resulting harm Deterrence linked to relationships and personal accountability ‘Consequences [may include punishment] are an important part of Restorative Practice. This involves dialogue and respectful challenge.’ So,what does Restorative Practice look like?

9. Restorative Practice Checklist The practice would need to be respectful and fair It would focus upon repairing harm and restoring or building relationships. It would help develop empathy, responsibility and accountability. It would promote the likelihood of positive behavioural change.

10. LOW HIGH HIGH RESPECT FAIR Adapted from Social Discipline Window - Paul McCold and Ted Wachtel - 2000 TOWITH NOTFOR MeanRudeRestorative Slack Too Soft Great Lazy Weak RulesFirm

11. Fair Process What needs to happen for fair process to be experienced? Clue: Think of an experience in which you felt you were treated unfairly. What was missing or was needed to make it a ‘fair’ experience. Kim & Mauborgne, Harvard Business Review, July – August 1997

12. Fair Process Principles 1.Engagement - Opportunity to have a say. 2.Explanation - Understand the reasons for the decision. 3.Expectation Clarity - Shared understanding on what is expected in terms of behaviour and rules. Kim & Mauborgne, Harvard Business Review, July – August 1997

13. Consensus or to seek harmony. Compromise to accommodate every individual’s opinions, needs or interest. Democracy in the school (or any group process) Teachers, parents or others forfeiting their prerogative to make decisions, establish policies and procedures. What Fair Process Isn’t Kim & Mauborgne, Harvard Business Review, July – August 1997

14. Fair process builds: trust commitment co-operation This enhances learning, creativity, moral development and helps build stronger relationships. What Fair Process Achieves Kim & Mauborgne, Harvard Business Review, July – August 1997

15. What happened?What happened? What were you thinking at the time?What were you thinking at the time? What have you thought about since?What have you thought about since? Who has been affected by what you did?Who has been affected by what you did? In what way?In what way? What do you think you need to do to make things right?What do you think you need to do to make things right? Restorative Questions 1 When challenging behaviour, why would the following questions consistently achieve ‘fair process’?: Restorative Questions 1 When challenging behaviour, why would the following questions consistently achieve ‘fair process’?:

16. Nathanson’s Compass Of Shame NATHANSON 1994 WITHDRAWAL AVOIDANCE ATTACK OTHERS ATTACK SELF NATHANSON 1992

17. POLAR RESPONSES TO SHAME WITHDRAWAL : isolating oneself; running and hiding. AVOIDANCE : denial; drugs and alcohol; work alcoholism. ATTACK OTHERS: lashing out verbally or physically; blaming others. ATTACK SELF: self put-down; masochism.

18. How Parents Deal With Shame What would it be like for the parent who receives a call from the school in relation to their child’s behaviour? What emotions would they experience? How do they usually deal with the painful emotions? A mother recently responded in the following way……….

19. A Mother’s Response to the Dreaded Call “I have to get out of the house, away from everybody!” [WITHDRAWAL] “When I come back I have to eat chocolate to feel okay!” [AVOIDANCE] “Then I think, the bloody school is always picking on my kid!” [ATTACK OTHERS] “By the time I have arrived at the school, I feel like I’m a really bad parent!” [ATTACK SELF] “I realise however that when I go to defend my kid, it is all about how I deal with my painful emotions, and has nothing to do with my kid’s behaviour!”

20. Responding Positively To The Call What would a positive response for parents look like? Try saying the following: “I really appreciate the call. I think this is a wonderful growth opportunity for my child and myself!”

21. Possible Answer “Mrs Smith, I am ringing about an incident involving Paul. He has admitted to stealing an iPod from another student. You may be aware that at our school we deal with anything that goes wrong in Restorative ways. This means we focus on three things. What happened? Who has been harmed or hurt? And, what is needed to make things right? In talking with Paul he now understands the hurt he has caused and also mentioned that you will be very disappointed. The good news is that he is keen to make things right and wants you to be part of this happening. Paul is not a bad student. It is his behaviour we are concerned about. This is an opportunity for learning, one that Paul will look back on and feel good about, because he took responsibility by making things right with everyone. ”

22. 1.Share and reduce negative emotions (best achieved by listening and acknowledging) 2.Share and promote positive emotions (achieved by affirming) 3.Encouraging the venting of emotions as a way of experiencing 1 & 2. 4. Doing more of 1, 2 and 3 (essential for building and maintaining good relationships). GOOD RELATIONSHIPS Are Experienced When We: Nathanson 1992

23. Restorative Practice Checklist Is My Practice? Respectful (Distinguishing behaviour from the person) Fair (Engaging, with Explanations & clarify Expectations) Restorative by repairing harm and building relationships Does My Practice? Develop Empathy (through reflection, insight & learning) Enhance responsibility and accountability Promote positive behavioural change