1. GROWING SPIRITUALLY Lesson 11: A Gentle Approach

2. Last Week: “Put on a Little Kindness” Col 3:12 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with … kindness…  We are to “put on” kindness  Kindness begins by being sensitive to the needs of others  Be supportive in your speech and actions  Learn to be sympathetic  Loving friends care enough to confront one another  Do not wait to show kindness  Do not get too busy to show kindness Growing Spiritually Lesson 11 - A Gentle Approach 2

3. Today’s Lesson: “A Gentle Approach”  Gal 5:22-23 - 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is … gentleness… Against such things there is no law. NIV  Today we want to define “gentleness” and discuss how to become a more gentle person:  Be understanding  Be gracious, not judgmental  Be tender  Be teachable  Don’t be a “reactor”  Be respectful Growing Spiritually Lesson 11 - A Gentle Approach 3

4. Everyone wants friends  Prov 18:24 – A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. NKJV  If you want friends, you must be friendly.  It helps if you are likeable.  One of the most likeable qualities is what the Bible calls “gentleness”.  What is gentleness? Growing Spiritually Lesson 11 - A Gentle Approach 4

5. Gentleness defined  “Gentleness” occurs in: 2 Cor 10:1; Gal 5:23; & Phil 4:5 NIV.  Epieikes (ep-ee-i-kace'); appropriate, mild; KJV - gentle, moderation, patient.  It also appears in Col 3:12; 1 Tim 6:11; 1 Pet 3:15 NIV.  Prautes (prah-oo'-tace); mildness, humility; KJV – meekness.  Generally you should understand the use of gentleness to refer to ones personality or temperament as being mild, humble, self controlled.  Gentleness is controlling how we react to other people.  Choose your response, don’t just react!  Let’s look at some ways we can practice gentleness. Growing Spiritually Lesson 11 - A Gentle Approach 5

6. Be understanding  How do you treat people that provide service to you?  Are you ever rude, demanding, indifferent, insensitive etc.?  Or are you understanding, respectful, sympathetic, courteous and the like?  A first step to developing gentleness is to be understanding to those who serve you.  The first place to be gentle is at home:  1 Peter 3:4 – Wives… it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. NIV  1 Peter 3:7 – Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect… Growing Spiritually Lesson 11 - A Gentle Approach 6

7. Be gracious, not judgmental  Gal 6:1 – Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. NIV  The temptation that is referred to here, could be the temptation to be judgmental of your brother in Christ.  When someone disappoints you, be gracious, not judgmental.  What is your reaction to people when they mess up their lives?  Do you think to yourself: “it serves them right”; “I told you so”; “I could see that coming”; “how could they be so dumb”? Growing Spiritually Lesson 11 - A Gentle Approach 7

8. Why we should not be judgmental  Rom 15:7 – Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. NIV  We are to be accepting of one another because Christ has accepted us.  We bring praise to God when we do so and this is not possible when we are judgmental.  When you are tempted to judge another person, pause to remember how much God has forgiven you.  You will become a more gentle person when you learn to act graciously towards others and not judge them. Growing Spiritually Lesson 11 - A Gentle Approach 8

9. Be tender  Prov 15:1 – A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. NIV  When people disagree with you, you can be tender without giving up your position.  Some people contradict anything that you say; they seem to have a need to devastate everyone who disagrees with them. (Do you know someone like this?)  If you challenge them, they respond with a full blown personal attack.  Then what do you do? (How do you respond?) Growing Spiritually Lesson 11 - A Gentle Approach 9

10. Your response…  Retreat in fear:  This means that you decide to avoid the argument at all costs.  Your response might be “Okay, have it your way.”  Peace at any price brings many hidden costs to the relationship.  React in anger:  You fight back. An angry response reveals insecurity and that you feel threatened.  When we are threatened, we often become sarcastic and attack the other person’s self worth.  Respond in gentleness:  This is the approach that God wants you to take.  Be tender while maintaining your convictions. Growing Spiritually Lesson 11 - A Gentle Approach 10

11. James 3:16-17  James 3:16-17 – 16 For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. 17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. NKJV  The cause of quarrels & arguments is selfishness (vs 16). Wanting things your way and demanding that others agree with you.  Wise people are gentle (vs 17). Growing Spiritually Lesson 11 - A Gentle Approach 11

12. Be teachable  James 1:19 – My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, NIV  Prov 13:18 – He who ignores discipline comes to poverty and shame, but whoever heeds correction is honored. NIV  If you want to be a gentle person:  use your ears more than your mouth (Jam 1:19),  and be willing to accept correction (Prov 13:18)  Develop a “teach me” attitude.  The wisest people I know are willing to learn from others. Growing Spiritually Lesson 11 - A Gentle Approach 12

13. Don’t be a reactor  1 Peter 2:23 – When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. NIV  When someone hurts you, do not retaliate.  Gentleness is the strength and ability to handle hurt without retaliating.  Jesus called it “Turning the other cheek”.  Reference: Matt 5:39; Rom 12:17; 1Pet 3:9 Growing Spiritually Lesson 11 - A Gentle Approach 13

14. What is your response?  A man goes to the local “quick stop” to purchase a paper. He greets the salesperson behind the counter in a very courteous way. In return the salesperson is gruff, rude, extends poor service manners, and shoves the paper back at the man once payment is received. The man politely smiles at the salesperson and wishes him a good day.  Could the man have responded differently? In what ways?  He could have been rude back to the salesperson.  Insulting, sarcastic, gruff, mean, etc.  But he did not allow the salesperson to control his emotional state.  Don’t let others control your emotional state and consequently influence your behavior. Growing Spiritually Lesson 11 - A Gentle Approach 14

15. Be respectful  1 Peter 3:15 – But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, NIV  Are you gentle with unbelievers?  When you share your faith with others, respect them.  People need the Good News, but our attitude can prevent them from receiving it.  The most effective way to share the Gospel is to do so with love and acceptance (be gentle and respect them). Growing Spiritually Lesson 11 - A Gentle Approach 15

16. Summary: Prov 15:1 – A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.  Gentleness is controlling how we react to other people.  It means that we are mild, humble and self controlled towards others.  Be understanding to those who serve you.  When someone disappoints you, be gracious, not judgmental.  When people disagree with you, be tender.  Become more willing to learn from others.  When someone hurts you, don’t retaliate.  When you share your faith with others, respect them. Growing Spiritually Lesson 11 - A Gentle Approach 16

17. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Memory verse: James 3:17 17