1. Intimacy
Chapter 10

2. What do we mean by intimacy?
What defines intimacy in your relationships today?
Despite this video, Intimacy does not have a physical or sexual connotation.

3. Intimacy as an Adolescent Issue
Not until adolescence do truly intimate relationships first emerge
Characteristics of true intimacy openness, honesty, self-disclosure, and trust
Intimacy becomes an important concern due to changes of
puberty
cognitive changes
social changes
Can think of it as
Caring
Daring to talk about sensitive topoics
Sharing personal information
Children’s friendships are characterized by activities, like games
Puberty: changes in sexual impulses during puberty provoke interest in sexual relationships and although they are not always emotionally intimate, they often are. Also, puberty evokes intimate discussions like sex, romantic partners, etc.
Cognitive Changes: advances in thinking;
They have more sophisticated conceptions of social relationships.
Allows them to have more mature and meaningful relationships themselves.
Preadolescents cannot look at something from someone else’s POV, making intimate interpersonal relationships cognitively impossible so this specific change, allows for intimacy to become very important.
What do adolescents want to do most of all?
Hang with their friends.
This extra time leads to intimate relationships.
Social Roles: They may simply have more alone time with their friends
This would allow for intimate talks that could lead to relationships

4. Theoretical Perspectives
Sullivan’s Developmental progression of needs:
need for contact and for tenderness
need for adult participation
need for peers and peer acceptance
Preadolescence
Need for intimacy
Adolescence
Need for sexual contact and intimacy with opposite-sex peer
Need for integration into adult society
So there are a few theoretical perspectives on adolescent intimacy
Progression of needs
contact and for tenderness - infancy
adult participation - early childhood
peers and peer acceptance - middle childhood
Not a biological view and suggested that psychological development can be best understood when looking through interpersonal relations.
the need for intimacy emerges in preadolescence
typically satisfied through same-sex friendships.
During adolescence
need is integrated with sexual impulses and desires,
focus of the adolescent’s interpersonal concerns are redirected toward romantic relationships with peers.
Need for integration into adult society as they get older

5. Theoretical Perspectives
Erikson’s View of Intimacy
Crisis: Intimacy vs. Isolation
In a truly intimate relationship, two individuals’ identities fuse
Another view is Erikson
Erikson says that
Adolescents must establish their own identity before they have have an intimate relationship
Ever heard of people who say you can never be happy in a relationship unless you’re happy with yourself?
Opinions?
For example:
A couple has its own goals, life, and future
But each individual has his and her own identity

6. Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Changes in the Nature of Friendship
As we get older, friendship type changes
Companionship appears before adolescence
Intimacy emerges later
Early adolescence
Self-disclosure and trust emerge as dimensions of friendship
The development of intimacy is very important to look at when looking at adolescents
As we get older, are friendships change and become more intimate
Association= “he calls me all the time”
Prosocial= “she helps me do things”
Intimacy= “ I can tell her secrets”
Loyal support= “he will stick up for me”
Association and prosocial
occur at all age groups
But, loyalty and intimacy
are absent with kindergarteners but increase drastically between 3rd and 6th grade.

7. Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Changes in the Nature of Friendship
Conflicts that adolescents have with friends
Older adolescents typically have conflicts over private matters
Younger adolescents typically have conflicts over public disrespect
Can seee this based on cognitive growth and growth of interpersonal relationships

8. Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Changes in the Display of Intimacy
Adolescents become more knowledgeable about their friends
Adolescents become more responsive to close friends and less controlling
Friends become more interpersonally sensitive and show more empathy
Friends resolve conflicts more frequently by negotiation or disengagement, not coercion
So, not only is the nature of intimate relationships, but they way they are displayed changes as well.
What they are proud of or what they worry about
This is an increased capacity for intimacy
They show more empathy and social understanding
This is more common between romantic partners and close friends with high intimacy than acquaintances with low intimacy.

9. Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Sex Differences in Intimacy
Girls’ relationships are more intimate than boys’ across many different indicators
Girls disclose more to their friends
Girls are more sensitive and empathic to friends
Girls are more concerned about trust and loyalty
There is also a sex difference in the development and display of intimacy
girls express greater interest in their close friendships than boys
They tend to talk in more intimate terms
They are also more likely to make a distinction in the way they treat their intimate and non intimate friends than boys

10. Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Changes in the “Targets” of Intimacy
Sullivan hypothesized that
intimacy with peers replaces intimacy with parents
Intimacy with peers of the opposite sex replaces intimacy with same-sex friends
Actually new targets of intimacy are added to old ones
Peers become more important but parents do not become unimportant.
Thus, parents are not replaced
Think, when you were 13, 14, 15, who was your most intimate relationship with?

11. Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Changes in the “Targets” of Intimacy
Different types of intimate relationships with parents and peers
Parent-adolescent relationships
Imbalance of power, teens receive advice
Adolescent peer relationships
Mutual, balanced, equal exchanges
Different types of intimate relationships
From early adolescence describe their relationships with their best friends and romantic partners were more intimate than with their parents
Parent-adolescent relationships
Parents are nurturing, advice givers
Go to them for their experience and expertise
Adolescent peer relationships
Mutual, balanced, and more likely to provide them with opportunities to express alternative views and engage in equal exchange of feelings and beliefs.

12. Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Friendships with the Other Sex
Little is known about the nature or significance or nonromantic relationships with opposite-sex peers
Boys may profit more from these relationships than do girls
So as we can see, peer relationships begin to have more significance, but what about friendships with the opposite sex?
Class, who has more friends of the opposite sex than friends of the same sex?
Opposite sex friends are not really important until late adolescence
Preadolescence: Boys rarely report friendships with girls, and vice versa
Low level of cross-sex friendships in early adolescents
At this age, contact with opposite sex may be interpreted as romantic involvement
Class, do you think girls and guys can be “just friends?”
Boys report that friendships with girls are more rewarding than with other boys
Why do you think this is true?

13. Dating and Romantic Relationships

14. Class Activity Recall your first date… Letting your child date…
How old were you?
How did you approach the boy/girl you liked?
Where did you go?
Alone or in a group?
How did it go?
Letting your child date…
At what age would you allow?
Any rules or limitations?
Do you think dating is beneficial?
Advantages or disadvantages?
Now that you can look back on your first date,
As a parent, would you be ok with the way you and your friends were dating?

15. Dating and Romantic Relationships
High school dating no longer has the function of mate selection
Romantic relationships are very common, in the past 18 months
25% of 12-years-olds reported having one
50% of 15-year-olds reported having one
70% of 18-year-olds reported having one
But! Good news…
However,
1/5 of adolescents 14 and younger
1/3 of year olds
And more than 50% of year olds
Who are in a relationship, have been dating their significant other for at least 11 months.

16. Dating and Romantic Relationships
The Development of Dating Relationships
Dating serves many purposes, besides developing intimacy
Establishing emotional and behavioral autonomy from parents
Furthering development of gender identity
Learning about oneself as a romantic partner
Establishing/maintaining status and popularity in peer group
So if dating is not for chosing a mate anymore, what is the purpose?
Establishing status:
May mean that younger adolescents who date may chose to date/ chose their dating partners based on how they will be seen by others

17. Dating and Romantic Relationships
The Development of Dating Relationships
Four Phases of Adolescent Romance
Infatuation
Status
Intimate
Bonding
May not apply to sexual- minority youth, those who are not exclusively heterosexual
This relates to the conception of romance and as adolescents develop, so does their conception of romance, ranging from infatuation to bonding.
First discover an interest in socializing with potential romantic and sexual partners
focus on learning about themselves and seeing themselves as a potential romantic partner
romantic relationships based on infatuation tend to be short lived and based on superficial infatuations
2. Main purpose is establishing, improving, or maintaining peer groups and status
dating the wrong person can SERIOUSLY hurt your reputation
3. Begin establishing true and meaningful attachments to romantic partners
are now sufficiently involved in the emotional side of romance
relationships become a source of passion and preoccupation
4. Concerns about commitment begin to become important
adolescents begin to think about the long-term survival and growth of their romantic attachments
Sexual-minority youth
may be because these adolescents feel, due to social pressure, that they cannot date in the open and feel that they have the freedom to publically display their romantic and sexual interests.
"If you're a bird I'm a bird"

18. Dating and Romantic Relationships
Impact of Dating on Adolescent Development
Early and intensive dating before age 15
Stunting effect on psychosocial development
Adolescent girls who do not date at all
Retarded social development, excessive dependency on parents, feelings of insecurity
Moderate degree of dating
Potentially most valuable pattern
so it’s interesting to look at relationships and adolescence and like I said before, how relationships based on infatuation, tend not to last and are based on superficial things. So maybe that correlates with age and dating like:
Before age 15 associated with
Increased alcohol use, delinquency, and sexual activity
Generally more so for girls
they are less socially mature, less imaginative, less achievement oriented, less satisfied with themselves and their looks, more depressed, and more superficial
Those adolescent girls who DO date
have a stronger self image and report greater acceptance by their friends
Is this the case or do you think it is how they perceive themselves?

19. Intimacy and Adolescent Psychosocial Development
Individuals with satisfying close friendships
do better than those without them, in adolescence and in adulthood
Psychologically healthy adolescents are better able
to make and maintain close relationships with others
Remember, intimate relationships are not just dating, so friendships can be very important to one’s overall psychosocial growth.
Satisfying close relationships
higher levels of self esteem

20. Intimacy and Adolescent Psychosocial Development
Negative effects can occur as well
Frequent conversations about personal problems
can lead to too much introspection and self-consciousness
“Corumination” between friends
can make each of the friends depressed
so even though most dating and intimate relationships are beneficial, some negative effects can occur as well.
Corumination
talking about and focusing on problems, negative feelings, revisiting problems