1. Examining Conflict Styles: How Do You Manage Conflict?
Renee A. Meyers, Ph.D.
Department of Communication, UWM
Colloquium MCW
February 13, 2008

2. Typical View of Conflict
Most people view conflict as difficult and unpleasant
Competitive
Emotional
Results in decreased communication
Misperception and bias
Rigid positions
Magnifies differences, minimizes similarities
Escalates issues and problems

3. Everyday Conflict Conflict is everyday occurrence
Disagreement over procedures
Disagreement over ideas
Disagreement over needs

4. Alternative View of Conflict
Assumptions about conflict
Conflict is comprehensible social process
Conflict management skills can be learned; good conflict managers are not born, but made
Conflict management skills improve through learning, training, and practice
Conflict management is problem solving that involves both advocacy and attention to relationships

5. Everyday Conflict Goals and Objectives
Understand own conflict management style
Learn when your style works best
Introduce integrative model for conflict management
To maximize the value you derive from this course you should understand my key assumptions. First, negotiation is a comprehensible social process. It is not a mystical process in a black box; it can be analyzed, understood, and modeled. Second, negotiation is a learnable and teachable skill. Negotiators are made, not born, and skills can be improved and relearned throughout life. Third, change and improvement in negotiating behavior require a combination of intellectual training and behavioral skill development.
In other words, you can watch all the videos in the world about improving your tennis or golf games, but if you don’t get out and practice your stroke, you are unlikely to improve.
The same is true of negotiation. We will spend fully 1/2 of the time negotiating in class. What you take away from the seminar will depend largely on your willingness in the negotiations to practice different/uncomfortable strategies and tactics. In each debrief, we will connect the key principles to your experience here at NM.
You all have amnesty in this room. Nothing you say or do here can be held against you.

6. Understanding Conflict Management Strategies
Label the columns on the questionnaire:
Row I: Items 1, 4, etc – Collaborative Style
Row II: Items 3, 7, etc – Avoidant Style
Row III: Items 8, 10, etc – Competitive Style
Row IV: Items 2, 12, etc – Accommodating Style
Row V: Items 5, 9, etc – Compromising Style

7. Conflict Management Styles
High
Low
Accommodating
Collaborative
Avoidance
Competitive
Compromise
Concern for other
(cooperativeness)
We will spend most of our time in the Integrative/Distributive quadrants.
What are some of risks of Avoiding or Accommodating?
Propensity of members of this group (and possibly NM culture in general) to avoid conflict.

8. Examining Styles
Complete handout to determine how one communicates in each style
Avoidant
Competitive
Accommodating
Compromising
Collaborative

9. Styles in Scenario
What style(s) are Mary and Jim using in the conflict scenario?
Are these appropriate? If you were a conflict management specialist, what would you suggest to Jim and Mary?

10. When To Use Each Style When might each of the styles be most useful?
Avoidant
Competitive
Accommodating
Compromising
Collaborative

11. Employing Strategies Avoiding When issue is trivial
When potential disruption outweighs the benefits of resolution
To let people cool down and regain perspective

12. Employing Strategies Competitive—advocate own position
On issues vital to company welfare, and you know you are right
Against people who will take advantage of noncompetitive behavior
When you are on equal status with other person(s)

13. Employing Strategies Accommodating
When you find you are wrong—to allow a better position to be heard, and to show reasonableness
To build social credits for later issues
When harmony and stability are paramount
To minimize loss when you are outmatched and losing

14. Employing Strategies Compromising To achieve temporary settlements
To arrive at expedient solutions under time pressure
When opponents of equal power are committed to mutually exclusive goals

15. Employing Strategies Collaborative
When both sets of concerns are too important to be compromised
To merge insights from people of different perspectives
To gain commitment by incorporating concerns into a consensus
To work through relational issues that have interfered with relationship development

16. Integrative Model for Conflict Management
Recognize the value of the relationship
Narrow to one issue
Neutralize defensiveness and set up integrative framework
Echo and explain “stories”
Develop a workable solution
Implement plan and be accountable

17. Planning for Integrative Conflict Management
What is the primary issue?
What is your story?
What do you want?
Where is your story weak, vulnerable, unreasonable?
What other options do you have?
What is the other person’s story?
What will this person want?
What are their alternatives?
What additional information do you need to understand their position?
What are the connections between the stories?
What will be the major differences?
Where will you, and the other party, become most defensive?
What are the possible benefits to both parties?

18. Integrative Model for Conflict Management
Start by recognizing the value of the relationship:
I wanted to talk to you today because I would like us to continue to work together effectively . . .
I wanted to talk to you about this because I would appreciate your help making my clinic successful. . .
I wanted to talk to you because I value your friendship . . .

19. Integrative Model for Conflict Management
Narrow to one issue
I want to talk about the assignment of residents. I hope that we can figure out something that works for both of us. OR
I want to talk about how we manage our differences
BUT NOT BOTH!!
Discussing everything “and the kitchen sink” is not productive. Only leads to greater defensiveness.

20. Integrative Model for Conflict Management
Neutralize defensiveness and set up integrative framework—working together toward goal
I really would like it if we could figure out a way to provide enough residents for my clinic. I feel like I can’t get the work done well otherwise.
Use “we” language as much as possible
Use “I” language instead of “you” language

21. Integrative Model for Conflict Management
How to say:
YOU never give me enough residents
It feels to me like I never have enough residents to do the job well
YOU always go behind my back to the chair
I would prefer if we could work out our difference between us before we have to get the chair involved
YOU’RE so dumb, stupid, dense, incompetent . . .
I think it would help if we both understood each other’s positions

22. Integrative Model for Conflict Management
Get Both Stories on the Table
Ask the other person to explain their story/viewpoint:
Jim: It feels like I never have enough residents for my clinic. I think it is an excellent opportunity for residents, and I would like them to get this opportunity. I feel like I just can’t do justice to the clinic if I never have enough residents.
Echo back this person’s story (as you understand it) and then explain your story/viewpoint:
Mary: I can see that you are very committed to your clinic and to the education of the residents. It is hard sometimes to know ahead of time how many residents can be assigned. I have many requests and sometimes I can’t honor all of them

23. Integrative Model for Conflict Management
Is there a solution, or are there solutions, that would fit both parties’ needs regarding the resident assignment problem?
On rotational basis, clinics get first request
Revisit resident assignment policy to see if changes should be made
Determine minimum and maximum of each clinic, and seek to provide minimum number first

24. Integrative Model for Conflict Management
Implement plan and be accountable
Make sure to check up periodically (or within a set time frame) to make sure the solution is working (or still working).

25. Behavior of Skilled Conflict Managers
Appreciative Moves
Appreciate other person’s situation—solicit his/her story and views
Encourage the other person to elaborate
Respect the other person’s objections—anticipate them and recognize them yourself
Appreciate other person’s feelings
Pay attention to undercurrents
Pay attention to nonverbal cues

26. Behavior of Skilled Conflict Managers
Appreciate the other person’s ideas
Respond to the other person’s ideas—suspend judgment, and consider ideas
Link the other person’s ideas with yours
Appreciate the other person’s face
Show respect for the other person
Make it easy for the other person to retreat
Appreciate the solution that has been made, and review it with other party at end of conflict session

27. Where Have We Been Today?
Understand own conflict management style
Learn when your style works best
Introduce integrative model for conflict management