1. Choosing a Marriage Partner
Chapter 7
Choosing a Marriage Partner

2. Chapter Outline Love and Marriage? The Marriage Market
Homogamy: Narrowing the Pool of Eligibles
Courtship in a Free-Choice Society
Mate Selection and Marriage Stability

3. Arranged Marriages
Not uncommon in the less Westernized parts of Europe, Asia, and Africa.
Couples in arranged marriages are expected to develop a loving relationship after the marriage.
Arranged marriage developed in collectivist societies based on strong extended family ties.
In these societies, marriage unites two kinship groups as well as two people.

4. Functions of Arranged Marriages
Affirms parent’s power over their children.
Helps keep family traditions and value systems intact.
Helps consolidate and extend family property.
Helps young people avoid the uncertainty of searching for a mate.

5. “If a partner had the qualities you desired, would you marry if you weren’t in love?”

6. Courtly Love
Most marriages in the upper levels of society during the Middle Ages were based on property and family.
Tender emotions were expressed in nonmarital relationships in which a knight worshipped his lady, and ladies had their favorites.
These relationships involved idealization, were not necessarily sexually consummated, and did not require the parties to live together.

7. The Marriage Market
People enter the marriage market and bargain for the best buy they can get.
Sometimes the exchange involves a bride price that the future groom pays the future bride’s family so he can marry her.
More often the exchange is accompanied by a dowry, money or property brought to the marriage by the female.

8. Exchange Theory
Individuals pick the relationship that is most rewarding or least costly.
In romantic relationships individuals have resources: beauty, personality, status, skills, maturity, intellect, originality, etc.
Individuals also have costly attributes: being demanding, low status, geographic inaccessibility, etc.

9. The Traditional Exchange
Women trade their ability to bear children and perform domestic duties, along with sexual accessibility and attractiveness, for a man’s protection, status, and support.
Both women and men can experience gender related disadvantages in the traditional exchange.

10. The Marriage Gradient
The tendency for women to marry “up” with regard to age, education, occupation, and earning potential.
In about 57% of U.S. married couples, the husband is two or more years older than his wife; however, the wife is older in only 11% of today’s unions.

11. Homogamy
People tend to marry people of similar race, age, education, religious background, and social class.
Endogamy: marrying within one’s social group.
Exogamy: marrying outside one’s group.
Heterogamy, marrying someone dissimilar in race, age, education, religion, or social class.

12. Reasons for Homogamy Live in close proximity.
Culture encourages people to marry others similar to themselves.
People are more comfortable with others from similar backgrounds.
People want to strike a fair exchange.

13. Examples of Heterogamy
Interfaith Marriages
Interclass Marriages
Interracial/interethnic marriages

14. Interracial and Hispanic –non-Hispanic Married Couples, 2002

15. % of Racially Homogamous Marriages, 1990
No Diploma
High School Diploma
Some College
College Diploma
Whites
Men (%) 98
Women (%)
97.5
African Americans 94 93 91 90 97 96

16. % of Racially Homogamous Marriages, 1990
No Diploma
High School Diploma
Some College
College Diploma
Hispanics
Men (%) 76 67 55 41
Women (%) 78 66 34
Asian Americans 21 31 52 14 11 32 42

17. Heterogamy and Marital Stability
Differences in values and interests can result in a lack of mutual understanding.
Marriage may create conflict between the partners and parents, relatives and friends.
High divorce rate may reflect that the partners have less conventional values.

18. SVR- Stimulus Values Roles Filtering Sequence
Stimulus stage - interaction depends on physical attraction.
Values stage - partners compare values and determine whether they are a match.
Role compatibility - prospective spouses negotiate their marital and leisure roles.

19. Attachment Theory
During infancy and childhood, individuals develop a style of attaching to others.
Children learn and take for granted one of three attachment styles:
Children who trust that their needs will be met form a secure attachment style.
Children who feel abandoned are likely to acquire an insecure/anxious or an avoidant attachment style.

20. Purposes of Courtship Patterns
Romantic partners try to get to know each other better.
Partners gain each other's progressive commitment to marriage.

21. Dating
Emerged at the beginning of the 20th century, prevailed in the 1950s and early 1960s, became less popular in the late 1960s and early 1970s, and became popular in the 1980s.
Consists of an exclusive relationship developed through a series of appointed meetings.
Getting together is courtship in which groups of women and men meet at a party or share an activity.

22. Margaret Mead’s Criticisms of Dating
Encourages men and women to define heterosexual relationships as situational rather than ongoing.
Sex becomes depersonalized and genitally oriented rather than oriented to the whole person.

23. Margaret Mead’s Proposal: Two-stage Marriage
Two stages each with a license, ceremony and responsibilities:
Individual marriage - serious commitment with limited responsibilities and no children.
Parental marriage - follows if the couple wants to continue a relationship and have children.

24. Cohabitation and Marriage
Marriages preceded by cohabitation are more likely to end in divorce:
People who cohabitate have liberal attitudes and are accepting of divorce.
Cohabitating affects individuals so they are more likely to divorce.

25. Cohabiting Couples: The Paths They Take
Type of Relationship in 1987–88
% All Couples
Still Live Together
Married
Separated
All unmarried couples
100 21 40 39
Substitute for marriage 10 25 35
Precursor to marriage 46 17 52 31

26. Cohabiting Couples: The Paths They Take
Type of Relationship in 1987–88
% All Couples
Still Live Together
Married
Separated
Trial marriage 15 21 28 51
Coresidential dating 29 33 46

27. Indicators of Dating Violence
Handles ordinary disagreements with inappropriate anger or rage.
Struggles to regain self-control when a minor issue triggers anger.
Goes into tirades.

28. Indicators of Dating Violence
Quick to criticize or verbally mean.
Unduly jealous, restricting and controlling.
History of violence in previous relationships.

29. Guidelines for Ending a Relationship: David Knox
Decide that terminating the relationship is what you really want to do.
Assuming you have definitely determined to break up, prepare yourself for wavering—but don’t change your mind.
Plan the break-up discussion with your partner in person, but at a location from which you can readily withdraw.

30. Guidelines for Ending a Relationship: David Knox
Explain your reasons for breaking up in terms of our own values, rather than pointing out what you think is wrong with the other person.
Seek out new relationships.

31. Critical Elements of Maturity
Emotional maturity - sense of self-worth allows intimacy and interdependence.
Economic maturity - able to support self and a partner if necessary.
Value maturity- recognizes and feels confident about own personal values.

32. Critical Elements of Maturity
Relationship maturity
Able to understand a partner’s point of view.
Can make decisions about changing behaviors a partner doesn’t like.
Able to explain own points of view and ask for change in partner's behavior.

33. Quick Quiz

34. 1. Ahmed concludes that arranged marriage performs certain functions
1. Ahmed concludes that arranged marriage performs certain functions. Which of the following is NOT one of these?
maintains sexual fidelity
affirms and strengthens parents’ power over their children
enhances the value of the kinship group
helps keep the family traditions and value systems intact

35. Answer: a
Ahmed concludes that arranged marriage performs certain functions. Maintaining sexual fidelity is NOT one of these.

36. 2. Marikesh belongs to Asian Indian culture. She will soon marry
2. Marikesh belongs to Asian Indian culture. She will soon marry. When she does, Marikesh will bring to the marriage a sum of money or property. This custom is referred to as
marital exchange.
a dowry.
bride price.
endenturement.

37. Answer: b
Marikesh belongs to Asian Indian culture. She will soon marry. When she does, Marikesh will bring to the marriage a sum of money or property. This custom is referred to as a dowry.

38. 3. In the __________ stage of the SVR process, prospective spouses test and negotiate how they will play their respective marital and leisure roles.
values
role compatibility
stimulus
socialization

39. Answer: b
In the role compatibility stage of the SVR process, prospective spouses test and negotiate how they will play their respective marital and leisure roles.

40. 4. In Margaret Mead’s thinking, _________ marriage involves “serious commitment…in which each partner would have a deep and continuing concern for the happiness of the other.”
two-stage
individual
Conjugal
parental

41. Answer: b
In Margaret Mead’s thinking, individual marriage involves “serious commitment…in which each partner would have a deep and continuing concern for the happiness of the other.”

42. 4. Which of the following guidelines is offered by sociologist David Knox for ending a relationship?
Follow your initial thinking to its logical conclusion.
Plan the breakup discussion with your partner in person, but at a location from which you can readily withdraw.
Avoid seeking out new relationships.
Be sure to make clear what you think is wrong with the other person.

43. Answer: b
Which of the following guidelines is offered by sociologist David Knox for ending a relationship is: Plan the breakup discussion with your partner in person, but at a location from which you can readily withdraw.