2. Indiana University Communication Styles: Passive, Assertive, Aggressive Amy Hume Discussion Session #13

3. Communications Styles Goals for Today Understand different communication styles and how they affect others Practice recognizing and crafting messages in different styles Learn about assertiveness skills

4. Communications Styles Have you ever dealt with a difficult person?

5. Communications Styles It’s all about respect Passive No Respect for Self Assertive Respect for Self & Others Aggressive No Respect for Others

6. Communications Styles How about…? Can’t speak up

7. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up

8. Communications Styles How about…? Loud

9. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Loud

10. Communications Styles How about…? Firm

11. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud

12. Communications Styles How about…? Don’t know my rights

13. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Firm Loud

14. Communications Styles How about…? Direct

15. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Firm Direct Loud

16. Communications Styles How about…? Bossy

17. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Firm Direct Loud Bossy

18. Communications Styles How about…? Honest

19. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Firm Direct Honest Loud Bossy

20. Communications Styles How about…? Pushy

21. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Firm Direct Honest Loud Bossy Pushy

22. Communications Styles How about…? Respect rights of others

23. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Loud Bossy Pushy

24. Communications Styles How about…? Get stepped on

25. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Loud Bossy Pushy

26. Communications Styles How about…? Meek

27. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Meek Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Loud Bossy Pushy

28. Communications Styles How about…? Dominating

29. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Meek Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Loud Bossy Pushy Dominating

30. Communications Styles How about…? Intimidating

31. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Meek Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Loud Bossy Pushy Dominating Intimidating

32. Communications Styles How about…? Too accommodating

33. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Meek Too accommodating Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Loud Bossy Pushy Dominating Intimidating

34. Communications Styles How about…? Violate others’ rights using power, position & language

35. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Meek Too accommodating Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Loud Bossy Pushy Dominating Intimidating Violate others’ rights using power, position & language

36. Communications Styles How about…? Talks softly

37. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Meek Too accommodating Talks softly Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Loud Bossy Pushy Dominating Intimidating Violate others’ rights using power, position & language

38. Communications Styles How about…? Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected

39. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Meek Too accommodating Talks softly Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Loud Bossy Pushy Dominating Intimidating Violate others’ rights using power, position & language

40. Communications Styles How about…? Must get my way

41. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Meek Too accommodating Talks softly Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Loud Bossy Pushy Dominating Intimidating Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Must get my way

42. Communications Styles How about…? Gives “cold fish” handshakes

43. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Meek Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Loud Bossy Pushy Dominating Intimidating Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Must get my way

44. Communications Styles How about…? Don’t stand up for my rights

45. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Meek Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Loud Bossy Pushy Dominating Intimidating Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Must get my way

46. Communications Styles How about…? React instantly

47. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Meek Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Loud Bossy Pushy Dominating Intimidating Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Must get my way React instantly

48. Communications Styles How about…? Avoid conflicts

49. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Meek Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Avoid conflicts Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Loud Bossy Pushy Dominating Intimidating Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Must get my way React instantly

50. Communications Styles How about…? Confident

51. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Meek Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Avoid conflicts Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Confident Loud Bossy Pushy Dominating Intimidating Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Must get my way React instantly

52. Communications Styles How about…? Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone

53. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Meek Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Avoid conflicts Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Confident Loud Bossy Pushy Dominating Intimidating Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone

54. Communications Styles How about…? Realize I have choices

55. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Meek Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Avoid conflicts Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Confident Realize I have choices Loud Bossy Pushy Dominating Intimidating Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone

56. Communications Styles How about…? Effective communicator

57. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Meek Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Avoid conflicts Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Confident Realize I have choices Effective communicator Loud Bossy Pushy Dominating Intimidating Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone

58. Communications Styles How about…? People take advantage of me

59. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Meek Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Avoid conflicts People take advantage of me Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Confident Realize I have choices Effective communicator Loud Bossy Pushy Dominating Intimidating Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone

60. Communications Styles How about…? Can express my needs

61. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Meek Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Avoid conflicts People take advantage of me Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Confident Realize I have choices Effective communicator Can express my needs Loud Bossy Pushy Dominating Intimidating Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone

62. Communications Styles How about…? Can be abusive

63. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Meek Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Avoid conflicts People take advantage of me Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Confident Realize I have choices Effective communicator Can express my needs Loud Bossy Pushy Dominating Intimidating Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone Can be abusive

64. Communications Styles How about…? Vise-like handshake

65. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Meek Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Avoid conflicts People take advantage of me Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Confident Realize I have choices Effective communicator Can express my needs Loud Bossy Pushy Dominating Intimidating Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone Can be abusive Vise-like handshake

66. Communications Styles How about…? Make good eye contact

67. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Meek Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Avoid conflicts People take advantage of me Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Confident Realize I have choices Effective communicator Can express my needs Make good eye contact Loud Bossy Pushy Dominating Intimidating Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone Can be abusive Vise-like handshakes

68. Communications Styles How about…? I like to get even

69. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Meek Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Avoid conflicts People take advantage of me Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Confident Realize I have choices Effective communicator Can express my needs Make good eye contact Loud Bossy Pushy Dominating Intimidating Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone Can be abusive Vise-like handshake I like to get even

70. Communications Styles How about…? Speak with firm voice

71. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Meek Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Avoid conflicts People take advantage of me Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Confident Realize I have choices Effective communicator Can express my needs Make good eye contact Speak with firm voice Loud Bossy Pushy Dominating Intimidating Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone Can be abusive Vise-like handshake I like to get even

72. Communications Styles How about…? Trouble saying “no,” then I’m angry and resentful

73. Communications Styles Communication Styles PassiveAssertiveAggressive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Get stepped on Meek Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Avoid conflicts People take advantage of me Trouble saying “no,” then I’m angry and resentful Firm Direct Honest Respect rights of others Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Confident Realize I have choices Effective communicator Can express my needs Make good eye contact Speak with firm voice Loud Bossy Pushy Dominating Intimidating Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone Can be abusive Vise-like handshake I like to get even

74. Communications Styles Passive Style: Summary Too intimidated to express thoughts and feelings Forfeits his/her rights or freedoms Gives in to demands so he/she will be accepted Avoid confrontation at any cost Often feels used and taken advantage of Driven by anxiety

75. Communications Styles Assertive Style: Summary Recognizes and stands up for own rights while respecting the dignity of others Focuses on specific issues and problems, without belittling self or others Expresses opinion without violating others’ rights Minimizes opportunities to be taken advantage of by others

76. Communications Styles Assertive Style: Summary Open, tolerant, and considerate of other’s feelings Can overcome fear to confront issues that require resolutions Can communicate feelings of anger diplomatically, without putting others on the defensive

77. Communications Styles Aggressive Style: Summary Intimidates others to gain control of their thoughts and actions Manipulates, accuses, fights Little or no regard for other’s feelings Driven by anger

78. Communications Styles Passive-aggressiveness Hostility expressed through inaction; inertia used as a weapon Silent treatment Dragging your feet Always being late Never saying what they want to do, then sulking about it Lame excuses Plausible deniability is key

79. Communications Styles ROLE PLAY Scenario 1: Need two volunteers Scenario 2: Need three volunteers

80. Communications Styles Assertiveness Skills Know your rights Say no and not feel guilty Change your mind about anything Take your time to form a response to a comment or question Ask for assistance with instructions or directions Ask for what you want Experience and express your feelings Feel positive about yourself under any conditions Make mistakes without feeling embarrassed or guilty Own your opinions and convictions Protest unfair treatment or criticism Be recognized for your significant achievements and contributions From Davis, Eshelmann, and McKay (1988)

81. Communications Styles Assertiveness Skills Learn to say no Learn to use “I” statements Use eye contact Use assertive body language Avoid manipulation Be aware of these strategies Intimidation Content substitution Personal attacks (character assassination) Avoidance Know your rights

82. Communications Styles Assertiveness Skills Know your rights Learn to say no Learn to use “I” statements Use eye contact Use assertive body language Avoid manipulation Respond rather than react Exercise

83. Communications Styles Your difficult person What communication style do they use? How does it make you feel? How will you change your reaction to them?

84. Communications Styles Communication is two-way What questions do you have??

85. Communications Styles Evaluation Questions Use: A. Strongly agree B. Agree C. Disagree D. Strongly disagree E. Don’t know 1. I found the presentation of material easy to understand. 2. This Advantage session increased my knowledge on the subject presented. 3. I will be able to use some of the information from this Advantage session in the future. 4. The presenter was well prepared for this Advantage session. 5. This presentation should be repeated in future semesters. #13 Tuesday, Sept. 28