1. Facilitation Tools for Difficult Situations/People Spectrum of intervention options Lou Chang, ALC Copyright, 2004

2. Process Control Agenda Ground rules: listen w/courtesy(aloha), speak to the mediator, no interrupting, no repetition, no whining, all people have chance to speak, permission to move us along so can cover whole agenda Time schedule/limits. Did you all still want to have the ground rule about not interrupting?

3. Recess Lets take a break Good time for a brief refresher How about a moment to stretch

4. Redirect ________ thanks for pointing out your interest. Hopefully we may have time to get more details a little later. On the subject/agenda item of ….. we’re not following our ground rule – about keeping our comments to 5 minutes we won’t have enough time to give everyone a chance to talk let’s see what the rest of our group thinks about... let’s see how this discussion can help us come to group decision

5. Refocus Can we refocus on.... We were talking about…. Before we lose the subject of…. Look at your watch Point to the agenda & schedule This discussion might take more time than we have today This is different from our agenda

6. Sunshine the matter Put the matter on the table, get help from the other members of group Describe how the conduct appears to you/may be affecting the process Talk with some of the group – discuss problem behavior and ask how they suggest matter be handled. Enlist help from group

7. Distill to the positive Imagine that you made them pay, got your revenge, made him suffer, what have you achieved that advances your interests of ….? How are you helped by that?

8. Reality/Relevancy check How is this taking you to where you want to go? How is what you’re doing getting what you need/want? Can you get what you need without engaging in …..? You’ll have to let everything go when you die; why don’t you just do it now and be free of it? Is this discussion working for you? Would you like it to work better? Why? Don’t tell me, tell her/him. How would you rank the quality of this discussion? What would it take to make it a 10? Are you willing to tell her/him? Now?

9. Reality/Relevancy check-2 Confront and soothe in alternate interventions. I suppose somehow the debts piled up fast. I think there are things we can do to make it possible to clear some of those debts.

10. Use Imagery Lots of times, we carry bags of wounds on our backs. It weights us down, wears us out. Its not a fun way to live.

11. Rocking Pair a supportive or empathetic statement with a confronting statement. Life would be so much easier if… but will the court consider…?

12. Weaving Weave an emotional statement or need with a rational idea or with what the person believes should be done.

13. Mutualize It wouldn’t surprise me if both of you felt some anger, frustration, worry.

14. Summarize or reframe Let me make sure I understand what you are saying. Reframe without the negative barbs

15. Normalize the pain I see. This is very upsetting to you. Puts you in a very difficult position. This happens frequently. Others have been in similar painful situations and have found solutions. We can solve it …. options….

16. Acknowledge, Legitimize, Deal with or defer Acknowledge: Name, you feel strongly that... Legitimize:You raise some interesting, strong, important concerns. Deal with: Name that’s an interesting approach.... what do the rest of you think about the idea?.... Do you want to have some small gp brainstorm session on this subject? Defer: Group, should we add this issue to our agenda, put this on issues list/come back to it later. Capture the concern on our group memory. Handle this at the next mtg.

17. Referral Enlist help from someone else with different appropriate training and skills who may be able to help.

18. Find the opportunity to learn why the behavior is “difficult” ---Ken Cloke Every difficult behavior is an opportunity to learn. What is it in you that makes the behavior “difficult”? What response is triggered in you? Why? Are you able to affect the behavior? What can be learned from the behavior?

19. Beneath every accusation is a confession. Beneath every confession is a request. ---Ken Cloke Accusation ConfessionRequest You’re so lazy I’m working hard. I’m envious. I need help. I don’t know how to ask for help Can you help out? Positive: (relaxed, mellow, handles stress well) Negative: (workaholic, compulsive)