1. Grief and Loss presented for: Personal Touch Volunteers

2. What is Grief ? A normal human response to loss of any kind

3. American society is a grief denying society. We often deny the need to express grief and to feel the pain that accompanies a loss, both of which are beneficial to healing.

4. 3 Key Concepts We are all grieving the loss of somethingWe are all grieving the loss of something Grief is cumulativeGrief is cumulative Grief is a processGrief is a process

5. We are all grieving the loss of something Death of Parent, Grandparent, Sibling, Partner, Child, Close Friend, Roommate, Classmate, ColleagueDeath of Parent, Grandparent, Sibling, Partner, Child, Close Friend, Roommate, Classmate, Colleague Loss/Breakup of Marriage or RelationshipLoss/Breakup of Marriage or Relationship Loss of FriendshipLoss of Friendship Serious Illness (Self or Significant Other)Serious Illness (Self or Significant Other)

6. Grief is Cumulative Loss HistoryLoss History –Previous losses, including non-death–related –Recent secondary losses (financial, home) –Disenfranchised losses –Cumulative losses –Inability to grieve prior losses History of Loss Birth Today __________________________/________________________

7. Grief is a Process Change = Loss = Grief A change of circumstance of any kind produces a loss of some kind which will produce a grief reaction.

8. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ 5 Stages of Grief Denial AngerAcceptance BargainingDepression

9. Denial “This can't be happening to me". No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss. “Surely this isn't happening to me.” Everything's really okay.

10. Anger “Why me?” Feelings of wanting to fight back, get even, or blame others. Anger is normal and sometimes appropriate. Let's be honest, sometimes you have been directly or indirectly wronged. Acknowledge and accept the feelings of anger you have…either toward yourself or others, while at the same time avoiding behaviors that will hurt yourself and others

11. Bargaining "I'll do anything -- just tell me what" kind of statements that people make when grieving. “God, if you heal my mom, I promise to go to church every Sunday.” “What if…” or “If only…” Wanting things to go back to how they use to be.

12. Depression Feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, lack of control, and feeling numb. Depression is a different flavor of anger. Instead of being directed at others, depression is anger you turn toward yourself. anger

13. Acceptance There is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing.

14. Grief is a Journey Grief Process does not appear linearGrief Process does not appear linear May go from shock → anger → denial → bargaining → anger → depression → acceptance → anger, and so forthMay go from shock → anger → denial → bargaining → anger → depression → acceptance → anger, and so forth Grief is Messy. There’s no perfect model- There’s no right or wrong way.Grief is Messy. There’s no perfect model- There’s no right or wrong way. We can’t put grief into a perfect box.We can’t put grief into a perfect box.

15. Koko

16. Nature of prior attachment/perceived value of loss.Nature of prior attachment/perceived value of loss. Mode of death.Mode of death. Social support available.Social support available. Coping strategies of the bereaved.Coping strategies of the bereaved. Age of bereaved.Age of bereaved. Variables that Influence Grief

17. Un-Helpful Statements I know how you feelI know how you feel Time heals all woundsTime heals all wounds You have your whole life ahead of youYou have your whole life ahead of you God doesn’t give you more than you can handleGod doesn’t give you more than you can handle Look at what you still have to be thankful forLook at what you still have to be thankful for You should be over this by nowYou should be over this by now No sense of dwelling in the pastNo sense of dwelling in the past If there’s anything I can do – just call meIf there’s anything I can do – just call me It’s God’s willIt’s God’s will

18. How To Help Ask if they want to talk about their loss. (Only if you are willing to listen)Ask if they want to talk about their loss. (Only if you are willing to listen) Just sit with them, you don’t have to say anything to comfort othersJust sit with them, you don’t have to say anything to comfort others Allow them to cry and be sadAllow them to cry and be sad Don’t minimize their feelingsDon’t minimize their feelings Show you care by words AND actionsShow you care by words AND actions Help with practical needsHelp with practical needs

19. Recap Grief is a processGrief is a process Loss is more than the death of a loved oneLoss is more than the death of a loved one Loss is cumulativeLoss is cumulative Don’t be afraid to reach out to a grieving personDon’t be afraid to reach out to a grieving person Ask how you can helpAsk how you can help

20. Recap Grief is a processGrief is a process Loss is more than the death of a loved oneLoss is more than the death of a loved one Loss is cumulativeLoss is cumulative Don’t be afraid to reach out to a grieving personDon’t be afraid to reach out to a grieving person Ask how you can helpAsk how you can help