1. STRESS Lee Hotchkiss BARNABAS INTERNATIONAL www.barnabas.org Happens To Everyone

2. STRESS HAPPENS When events are Beyond our Control

3. A Stressful Event Can be Anything That is Beyond Our Control

4. Common Events Little Frustrations Other Peoples’ Behavior work Health Issues The Computer money misunderstandings

5. Event ValuesExpectationsPerceptions/Thoughts

6. Event ValuesExpectationsPerceptions/Thoughts

7. Event 1 ValuesExpectationsPerceptions/Thoughts 1 Lose Control

8. Event 1 2 ValuesExpectationsPerceptions/Thoughts 1 Negative Feelings

9. Event 1 2 3 ValuesExpectationsPerceptions/Thoughts 1 Negative Feelings Self Esteem Drops

10. Event 1 2 3 4 ValuesExpectationsPerceptions/Thoughts 1 Lose Control Negative Feelings Self Esteem Drops Relationships Deteriorate

11. Event 1 2 3 4 5 ValuesExpectationsPerceptions/Thoughts 1 Lose Control Negative Feelings Self Esteem Drops Relationships Deteriorate Try Harder

12. Biblical Tools for Stress Management Keeping God at the Center of Life

13. Event 1 2 3 4 5 ValuesExpectationsPerceptions/Thoughts 1 Lose Control Negative Feelings Self Esteem Drops Relationships Deteriorate Try Harder

14. Pray: Acknowledge and Submit to God’s Sovereign Control Over All Events Proverbs 3:5-6, Philippians 4:6, Luke 22:42

15. Event 1 2 3 4 5 ValuesExpectationsPerceptions/Thoughts 1 Lose Control Negative Feelings Self Esteem Drops Relationships Deteriorate Try Harder

16. Three Strategies for Managing Feelings

17. 1. Do What is Right Three Strategies for Managing Feelings

18. Are there behaviors that need to change? Genesis 4:6-7 1. Do What is Right Three Strategies for Managing Feelings

19. 2. Be honest with feelings Three Strategies for Managing Feelings

20. Are there feelings that need to be shared? Psalm 62:8, 142:1-4, 55:22 2. Be honest with feelings Three Strategies for Managing Feelings

21. 3. Tell yourself the truth Three Strategies for Managing Feelings

22. Are there thoughts that need to be challenged? Philippians 4:8 3. Tell yourself the truth Three Strategies for Managing Feelings

23. 1. Do what is right 2. Be honest with feelings 3. Tell yourself the truth

24. Three Strategies for Managing Feelings 1. THINKING - HEAD 2. FEELING - HEART 3. DOING - HANDS

25. Event 1 2 3 4 5 ValuesExpectationsPerceptions/Thoughts 1 Lose Control Negative Feelings Self Esteem Drops Relationships Deteriorate Try Harder

26. Strategies for Managing Self-Concept

28. PhysicalAppearance Physical Appearance Possessions Performance Professions Position Power

29. Grace

30. Law

31. Law Sin “Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.” Romans 3:20

32. Law Grace Sin

33. Grace

34. Event 1 2 3 4 5 ValuesExpectationsPerceptions/Thoughts 1 Lose Control Negative Feelings Self Esteem Drops Relationships Deteriorate Try Harder

35. Building Godly Relationships Through: 1. COMMITMENT 2. COMMUNICATION 3. CONFLICT RESOLUTION

36. WORKING TOGETHER 1. COMMITMENT to Building Godly Relationships Through:

37. COOPERATION RETALIATION DOMINATION ISOLATION

38. 2. COMMUNICATION Building Godly Relationships Through: at HEAD and HEART levels

39. COMMUNICATION BONDING at the HEART Level BONDING at the HEART Level Connecting Emotionally ShareCare

40. COMMUNICATION CONNECTING at the HEAD Level CONNECTING at the HEAD Level Sharing Ideas & Sharpening Thoughts Proverbs 27:17

41. Thinking Level Reality Testing Person 1 Sharing Hearing Responding & Person 2 Feeling Level Sharing & Caring Person 1Person 2 Ideas of Sharing Feelings of Caring Feelings for

42. Feeling Person 1 Person 2 Thinking Heart Level Head Level

43. ESTABLISHING BOUNDARIES Isolation Dependency Co-dependency Control Manipulation Distance Silence Coldness Uncooperative Enmeshment

44. ESTABLISHING BOUNDARIES IsolationEnmeshment () Interdependency

45. 3. CONFLICT Building Godly Relationships Through: RESOLUTION

46. Strategies for Conflict Resolution Distinguish between THINKING and FEELING levels of communication levels of communication

47. Thinking Level Strategies Thinking Level Strategies 1. Clarify. Don’t assume you know what the other person is thinking. Listen to what they are saying. Keep communication open. Ask questions. Draw out his or her thoughts.

48. Thinking Level Strategies Thinking Level Strategies 2. Don’t attribute motives to the other person.

49. Thinking Level Strategies Thinking Level Strategies 3. Negotiate. Compromise. Collaborate. Accommodate.

50. Thinking Level Strategies Thinking Level Strategies 4. Agree to disagree. Reaffirm your commitment to the person and your relationship with them. Say, “I respect you, and I want to retain a good relationship with you, I don’t want this to come between us. I respect your opinion. Let’s agree to disagree.”

51. Feeling Level Strategies For Unresolved Conflict Held Hurts Become Barriers WE HIDE & WE HURL

52. Feeling Level Strategies For Unresolved Conflict 1. Identify the hurts in both persons.

53. Feeling Level Strategies For Unresolved Conflict 2. Express concern for the other person’s hurt. “I’m sorry you’ve been hurt, I want you to know that I care about your feelings.”

54. Feeling Level Strategies For Unresolved Conflict 3. Take responsibility for your part in causing the other person’s hurt by asking forgiveness. “Will you forgive me for…”

55. Feeling Level Strategies For Unresolved Conflict 4. Forgive the other person for what you have been holding. “I forgive you for… I don’t want this to be a barrier in our relationship any longer.”

56. Feeling Level Strategies For Unresolved Conflict 5. Manage your leftover feelings to the glory of God. a. Do what is right. Act out love. b. Share feelings with God. c. Tell yourself the truth.

57. Strategies for Stress Management 1. Monitor Your Stress Reactions 1. Monitor Your Stress Reactions 2. Identify Stressful Events 2. Identify Stressful Events 3. Apply Biblical Principles 3. Apply Biblical Principles 4. Control What You Can 4. Control What You Can 5. Keep a Realistic Schedule 5. Keep a Realistic Schedule 6. Have an Exercise Program 6. Have an Exercise Program 7. Strong Devotional Life 7. Strong Devotional Life 8. Functioning Support Network 8. Functioning Support Network 9. Healthy Conflict Management 9. Healthy Conflict Management 10. Balance and Boundaries 10. Balance and Boundaries