1. Bouncing Back from Adversity Somatic And Emotional Intelligence in the Face of Violence and Abuse International Conference on The Jewish Community Confronts Violence and Abuse - December 2, 2014 Linda Graham, MFT linda@lindagraham-mft.net www.lindagraham-mft.net

2. Shift Internal Response to External Event From automatic survival responses: revving up in anxiety or anger shutting down, numbing out, collapse To physiological equilibrium: calm and relaxed, engaged and alert open to learning, agency, skillful action

3. Shift Functioning of Brain From contraction-restriction of lower brain Fast but limited Higher brain offline; can’t think straight To higher brain online Slow but comprehensive Engaged with experience, open to learning, curious, resilient State of mind can respond resiliently

4. Two Powerful Agents of Brain Change Mindfulness: aware of experience Compassion: kindness and care to experiencer in moments of pain, difficulty, loss

5. Self-Compassion Break Ouch! This hurts! This is painful. (Notice experience and reaction to experience; Notice self and care about self.) May I be safe. May I be aware of this moment, exactly as it is. May I accept myself, exactly as I am, in this moment May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself all the compassion I need.

6. Somatic Resources Kindness, care – activate oxytocin Orient awareness Body awareness Hand on the Heart Touch Power Posing Laughter

7. Orient Awareness Sit or stand comfortably Look around at physical environment Notice sounds, colors, shapes Focus attention on being in the body Focus attention on sensations of breathing Feel the whole body breathing Sense the nourishing-soothing of the breath

8. Body Awareness Soles of the Feet Stand up; feel the soles of your feet on the floor Rock back and forth, and side to side Make little circles with your knees Walk slowly, noticing changes in sensation Return to standing still Have a moment of gratitude for your feet

9. Hand on the Heart Touch – oxytocin – safety and trust Deep breathing – parasympathetic Breathing ease into heart center Brakes on survival responses Coherent heart rate Being loved and cherished Oxytocin – direct and immediate antidote to stress hormone cortisol

10. Touch Hand on heart, hand on cheek Head rubs, foot rubs Massage back of neck Hold thumb as “inner child” Hugs – 20 second full bodied

11. Power Posing Physical experience changes emotions Pencil between nose and lip – frown Pencil between teeth - smile Power posing Amy Cuddy TED talk Posture of strength, stability Yoga – tadasana (mountain pose) Movement opposite

12. Laughter Reduces cortisol; lowers blood pressure Increases oxygen and blood flow; reduces risk of heart disease and stroke Triggers catecholamines; brightens the mind Promotes productivity, creativity, problem-solving Reduces mistakes; promotes efficiency

13. Emotional Resources Emotions are signals to take action Adaptive action tendencies Anger – protest injustice, betrayal Sadness – pull in comfort Fear – move away from danger, toxicity Guilt – healthy remorse, make amends Joy – expand, connect with others

14. Negativity Bias – Positive Emotions Brain hard-wired to notice and remember negative and intense more than positive and subtle; how we survive as individuals and as a species Leads to tendency to avoid experience Positive emotions activate “left shift,” brain is more open to approaching experience, learning, and action

15. Positive Emotions - Benefits Less stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness More friendships, social support, collaboration Shift in perspectives, more optimism More creativity, productivity Better health, better sleep Live on average 7-9 years longer Resilience is direct outcome

16. Gratitude 2-minute free write Gratitude journal Gratitude buddy Carry love and appreciation in your wallet Positivity Portfolio

17. Take in the Good Notice: in the moment or in memory Locate felt sense in the body Absorb: savor 10-20-30 seconds,

18. Mastering the art of resilience does much more than restore you to who you once thought you were. Rather, you emerge from the experience transformed into a truer expression of who you were really meant to be. - Carol Orsborn

19. Bouncing Back from Adversity Somatic And Emotional Intelligence in the Face of Violence and Abuse International Conference on The Jewish Community Confronts Violence and Abuse - December 2, 2014 Linda Graham, MFT linda@lindagraham-mft.net www.lindagraham-mft.net