1. aw heck yeah PANGOLINS!

2. ≈ What Are Pangolins?  They look kinda like armadillos, see? ≠ BUT PREPARE TO HAVE YOUR MIND BLOWN.

3. It Ain’t Even Close  For a long time, people thought pangolins were related to the armadillos, anteaters, and sloths.  Then along came Watson and Crick (and Franklin).  Now we know: genetically, pangolins are more closely related to carnivorans.  And horses.  And bats.  And whales.  And humans, for that matter. ≈

4. How Cool Are They? VERY.

5. Why Are They So Cool?  They have awesome keratin scales.  Their scales are razor-sharp and can be moved back and forth like slashing blades.  They can curl up into a ball.  They have prehensile tails.  They can walk on their hind legs.  Their tongues are detached from their hyoid bone, and so long they extend into the abdomen.  They are, apparently, extremely smart.  They’re called “pangolins”, for Chrissakes.

6. But pangolins are always in our hearts. not anymore Where Are Pangolins Found? oodles here more here and here none here no pangolins here, duh not one damn pangolin here

7. What Threatens Pangolins? AAssholes. OOkay, in Africa they’re mostly hunted for meat. I can get that. People need to eat, and I’m not in a place to judge them for it. BBut in Asia they’re eaten as a delicacy, by assholes. MMost species are not at risk of extinction, but the Chinese and Malayan pangolins are endangered. YYet assholes keep eating them! Grrrrgh! AAnd they use the scales for folk medicine? Assholes!

8. All of That Said…  I am forced to admit that this is totally cool. Pangolin scale armor! Only known example! Belonged to King George III! Came with a cool helmet!

9. Anyway, I’m Tired Now  So here are some pictures of pangolins!

10. FIN.