1. He has a face like a Saint - A Saint Bernard. - Unknown

2. Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason -Jerry Seinfeld

3. If you can't convince them, confuse them. - President Harry S Truman

4. Shaw writes his plays for the ages, the ages between five and twelve. - George Nathan on George Bernard Shaw

5. It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames. -- Harry Hill Harry HillHarry Hill

6. Shaw writes his plays for the ages, the ages between five and twelve. - George Nathan on George Bernard Shaw

7. I either get what I want or I change my mind. -- Dreams For An Insomniac

8. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. -- Fred Allen

9. A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of. -- Burt Bacharach

10. Those who cannot remember the past will spend a lot of time looking for their cars in mall parking lots. -- Jay Trachman

11. The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. -- Jerry M. Wright

12. Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. -- Phyllis Diller

14. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. -- Flip Wilson

15. I never know whether to pity or congratulate a man on coming to his senses. -- William M. Thackeray

16. If you read a lot of books, you're considered well- read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well-viewed. -- Lily Tomlin

17. Sir, you are like a pin, but without either its head or its point. -- Douglas Jerrold

19. I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear. -- Woody Allen

20. Murphy's Sixth Law: If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.

21. I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning. -- John Barrymore

22. You know you're getting older when the candles cost more than the cake. -- Bob Hope

24. Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. -- Marion Barry

26. Books serve to show a man that those original thoughts of his aren't very new after all. -- Abraham Lincoln

27. The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lay down on some seaweed and roll around in it until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go hey, I'm Vine Man. -- Jack Handey

29. I can resist everything except temptation. -- Oscar Wilde

30. I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. -- Jack Benny

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32. If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings including this one. - Anonymous

34. Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV. -- Jerry Seinfeld