1. The Crucible Written Final Topic Sentence Revision/Feedback

2. DIRECTIONS OPTIONAL REVISION OPPORTUNITY Submit your typed, revised topic sentences on Monday, October 13. Make sure you: Preview the main idea of the paragraph in the topic sentence Relate to ALL aspects of the thesis Transition where necessary (in the 2 nd and 3 rd topic sentences) Vary your word choice rather than repeating the same words from the thesis or from other topic sentences. Color code each topic sentence according to directions on the next slide.

3. DIRECTIONS for resubmitting topic sentences: 1.Re-type your thesis. 2.Rewrite/revise topic sentences. 3.Color-code topic sentences to reflect the necessary aspects (preview main idea, relate to thesis, and transition)  Preview the main idea (the character) of the paragraph- mark the main idea in your topic sentence in RED  Relate back to thesis-mark the relation back to thesis in GREEN  Transition where necessary-mark your transitional words/phrases in the topic sentences for your 2 nd and 3 rd character in BLUE *See model on the next slide.

4. MODEL—Your revisions should be typed and look like this: THESIS: In The Crucible by Arthur Miller, those with a guilty conscience seek atonement. Topic sentence 1: Feeling remorseful, Hale is a significant character who attempts to right his wrongs. Topic sentence 2: Another character who tries to redeem himself and correct past mistakes is John Proctor. Topic sentence 3: Although unsuccessful in the end, Mary Warren also at least tries to remedy her poor behavior that plagues her conscience.

5. Some reminders Titles of books and plays need to be italicized OR underlined The Crucible or The Crucible The Crucible is a play, not a book or a novel The character’s name is MARY Warren Mary=name Marry=verb meaning “to wed”

6. vary your word choice Reminder: As you construct topic sentences, you have to vary your word choice; you cannot just write the same thing again and again. THESIS: In The Crucible by Arthur Miller, those with a guilty conscience try to atone. NO:  Hale has a guilty conscience and tries to atone.  Another character who tries to atone because of a guilty conscience is John Proctor. BETTER: T.S. 1: Feeling remorseful, Hale is a significant character who attempts to right his wrongs. T.S. 2: Another character who regrets his mistakes and tries to redeem himself is John Proctor. T.S. 3: Although unsuccessful in the end, Mary Warren at least tries to remedy her poor behavior that plagues her conscience. WORDS NEED TO BE CHANGED!