1. Ms.Mo LC1

2. What’s the problem? Who should do what? What’s the call to action?  If people come together, we can make this world a better place.

3. What’s the problem? Who should do what? What’s the call to action? Now I understand who, what, and and solution. Note: Depending on your paper, not all theses have to present a solution.  If people come together, we can make this world a better place.  Crime Watch, a community-based resident patrol, is a practical, effective way for citizens of all ages to cooperate in protecting themselves and their community from crime.

4. Not confident and unnecessary words  It seems to me that probably one of the seriously important decisions almost all teenagers face is deciding what jobs they might have sometime in the future.

5. Not confident and unnecessary words  It seems to me that probably one of the seriously important decisions almost all teenagers face is deciding what jobs they might have sometime in the future.

6. Not confident and unnecessary words Clear and confident tone, sophisticated and concise diction  It seems to me that probably one of the seriously important decisions almost all teenagers face is deciding what jobs they might have sometime in the future.  The most important dilemma teenagers face today is making an informed career decision: choosing a type of work that will sustain them and preparing adequately for that career.

7. Slang, grammatical unparalled  Pink Slime is bad for the liver, has no health benefits, and its all the left over carcass of a cow.

8. Slang, grammatical unparalled,  Pink Slime is bad for the liver, has no health benefits, and its all the left over carcass of a cow.

9. Slang, grammatical unparalled, one- sided. tensioned, discursive writing, sophisticated synonyms  Pink Slime is bad for the liver, has no health benefits, and its all the left over carcass of a cow.  While California voters have recently passed proposition 38 allowing for pink slime in their food, we do need to take a closer look at the very plausible health risks of this substance containing mostly remnants of an animal.

10. Wordy and redundant  Although it may seem incredibly hard to create a memorable character, with some work, time, and with good ideas on how to create, a character in any world can be realistic and memorable. By adding a background, tags, and unique combinations of common aspects to a character, any character can become memorable.

11. Wordy and redundant  Although it may seem incredibly hard to create a memorable character, with some work, time, and with good ideas on how to create, a character in any world can be realistic and memorable. By adding a background, tags, and unique combinations of common aspects to a character, any character can become memorable. 

12. Wordy and redundantConcise and clear reasons  Although it may seem incredibly hard to create a memorable character, with some work, time, and with good ideas on how to create, a character in any world can be realistic and memorable. By adding a background, tags, and unique combinations of common aspects to a character, any character can become memorable.  Although creating memorable characters are a writer’s natural challenge, the feat is plausible by adding background, tags, and a unique blend of personality traits.

13. Too obvious and structured  Although creating memorable characters are a writer’s natural challenge, the feat is plausible by adding background, tags, and a unique blend of personality traits.

14. Too obvious and structured  Although creating memorable characters are a writer’s natural challenge, the feat is plausible by adding background, tags, and a unique blend of personality traits.

15. Too obvious and structured “dynamic” characters have depth, change, and have motivations from their past  Although creating memorable characters are a writer’s natural challenge, the feat is plausible by adding background, tags, and a unique blend of personality traits.  The natural challenge of creating memorable characters for any aspiring writer can easily be taken when one focuses on the creating uniquely round and dynamic characters.

16.  Ask yourself, “How can I say this another way?”  So do you have to throw away your three-prong thesis?  Not necessarily! Since you already introduce us to a general over-view in your introduction and then “break down” your thesis in your body paragraphs, your more structured thesis may fit nicely in your conclusion where you remind your audience of your main points.

17.  Although there are some cases of real love in today’s society, our sense of true love is disrespected, corrupt, immature, and meaningless, because of how society portrays it. Although there may appear to cases of real love in today’s society, it actually is hardly existent according to how modern society portrays it. Although there are some cases of love in today’s society, “true love” today has actually become “lust.” Although there are some cases of real love in today’s society, our sense of true love has unfortunately deteriorated and digressed from what is honorable and divine.

18.  Stress in teenagers is common but too much of it can force a teenager into doing things that may endanger or negatively impact his life.  While musicians can be very passionate and driven to their music, blind people are more capable of playing an instrument and being more musical.  While stem cell research is beneficial to science some types are immoral. Embryonic stem cell research is the immoral type, and somatic stem cell research is moral and benefits the medical field.