1. 4. Enduring or Entrapping Add up the “I want you” characteristics of your commitment and compare them with the “I don’t want to lose you” characteristics—which one has a greater influence in your relationship? By how much? 5. Living Together: Practicing Marriage or Practicing Divorce? Session Five Putting The Cart Before The Horse

2. 1.Relational Sex: typically involves two people who are attracted to each other, build a relationship, and become sexually involved within that relationship 2.Recreational Sex: or “hooking up.” This trend is based on the belief that sex does not have to only occur in relationships—it can also be a fun and pleasurable activity of simply being single This requires no commitment beyond the sexual encounterThis requires no commitment beyond the sexual encounter This practice is based on the belief that sex can take place without any emotional involvementThis practice is based on the belief that sex can take place without any emotional involvement 1. Two Types of Sex Session Five Putting The Cart Before The Horse

3. STDs are Common HIV: 900,000 Americans (NIAID, quarter are unaware) AIDS: 900,000 Americans (NIAID, quarter are unaware) Genital herpes: 67 million people (NIAID) Human Papillomavirus: 20 million Americans currently infected (NIAID; CDC 2001) Cytomegalovirus: 50% approximately; almost half of young adults (NIAID) Bacterial vaginosis : 16% of pregnant women (DSTD) Hepatitis B : estimated 1.5 million HBV carriers in the U.S. (NWHIC); 417,000 people currently infected (CDC 2001) Session Five Putting The Cart Before The Horse

4. 2. Sex is more than physical a) Sex is always relational This is true for MEN and WOMENThis is true for MEN and WOMEN You cannot separate your body from the rest of who you are; sex and self are inextricably linkedYou cannot separate your body from the rest of who you are; sex and self are inextricably linked Session Five Putting The Cart Before The Horse

5. b) Sex intensifies your experience of closeness, whether in a committed relationship or not. What does the research say? A After sex, couples reported a stronger desire to open up and feel closer along with an equally strong feeling of being vulnerable to getting hurt. (Metts, 2004). Session Five Putting The Cart Before The Horse

6. W When sex occurred before certain shows of love and desire had been expressed, couples reported higher degrees of uneasiness, vulnerability, and mistrust (Metts, 2004). Session Five Putting The Cart Before The Horse

7. 3. Do You Do as You Believe? “The things I do in my relationships today will affect my future marriage” 83% of people on a national survey agreed However, when interviewed, their actions contradicted this belief When you don’t practice what you believe, you end up resolving the tension by changing those very beliefs, clouding them with rationalizations. Session Five Putting The Cart Before The Horse

8. That which can greatly enhance and enrich a marital relationship can just as greatly delude and deceive a premarital relationship. The choices you make today will shape the beliefs you hold tomorrow. Session Five Putting The Cart Before The Horse

9. Living for the Present While Risking Your Future: Waiting in Dating Can Improve Sex in Marriage 4. a) Research found that those who waited until marriage had a heightened, long-lasting love and romance in their future marriage (Cunningham & Antill, 1981). b) More premarital sex = fewer lasting marriages (Teachman, 2003). c) More premarital sex = fewer faithful marriages (White, et al., 2000). Session Five Putting The Cart Before The Horse

10. Living for the Present While Overlooking Your Future: Waiting in Dating Can Improve Your Judgment 5. The values you use influence the partner you choose Session Five Putting The Cart Before The Horse

11. a)Y ou will pick better partners (Simpson & Gangestad). b) Your can better prepare for sex in marriage. Your sex life before marriage does not predict your sex life in marriage. c) Change your present perspective and change what you think and do, and you can change your future. What do you gain from pacing your sexual involvement? Session Five Putting The Cart Before The Horse