1. Approaches to Conflict What we want the end result to be determines how we go about dealing with conflict 1- Lose-Lose 2- Win-Lose 3- Win-Win

2. 1- Lose-Lose Lose for everyone At core of this attitude is a belief that conflict is bad and unhealthy and destructive for everyone Lose for everyone At core of this attitude is a belief that conflict is bad and unhealthy and destructive for everyone

3. 2- Win-Lose One person wins at expense of other One person wins at expense of other

4. Competitive vs Cooperating Belief in arguments as battles and therefore have a winner Occasionally positive When you don’t care about the other person Buying a car – don’t care about salesman’s profit Belief in arguments as battles and therefore have a winner Occasionally positive When you don’t care about the other person Buying a car – don’t care about salesman’s profit

5. 3-Win-Win (Both win) Ideally everyone feels it is the best possible solution

6. Not always ideal Each person makes accommodations to fit into the others ideas Both people give up a part of what you want to achieve some positive result Each person makes accommodations to fit into the others ideas Both people give up a part of what you want to achieve some positive result

7. Responses to conflict 1- EXIT response 2- NEGLECT response 3- LOYALTY response 4- VOICE response

8. 1- EXIT response Leaving a relationship either physically or emotionally Refusing to talk about a problem Lose-Lose and Win-Lose orientation people

9. 2- NEGLECT response Denies or minimizes problems arguments, anger, tensions that could lead to conflict tries to suggest problem doesn’t exist or isn’t that big of a deal Lose-Lose and Win-Lose orientation people

10. 3- LOYALTY response Staying committed to a relationship despite differences To tolerate the differences rather than fix them Focusing on what is good in relationship Lose-Lose orientation people

11. 4- VOICE response Is an active constructive strategy Talking about problems and trying to solve them Identify problems and try to solve them Most constructive Win-Win orientation people

12. Climate The climate in which conflict is managed is important Defensive Climate Supportive Climate

13. Defensive climate 1- Evaluation: judging and criticizing other group members. 2- Control: imposing the will of one group member on the others. 3- Strategy: using hidden agendas. 4- Neutrality: demonstrating indifference and lack of commitment. 5- Superiority: expressing dominance. 6- Certainty: being rigid in one's willingness to listen to others.

14. Supportive Climate 1- Description: presenting ideas or opinions. 2- Problem orientation: focusing attention on the task. 3- Spontaneity: communicating openly and honestly. 4- Empathy: understanding another person's thoughts. 5- Equality: asking for opinions. 6- Professionalism: expressing a willingness to listen to the ideas of others.

15. Sometimes it's easier to change people... By listening, than by making arguments Sometimes all you must do to understand... Is just be very quiet Giving someone freedom... To do only what you want them to do is not freedom

16. The most important trip you may take in life

17. If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to treat everything as if it were a nail Maslow

18. عن عَلِيٌّ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى عَنْهُ : قِيمَةُ كُلِّ امْرِئٍ مَا يُحْسِنُ

19. أن رجلا قال للنبي ‏ ‏صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ ‏أوصني قال: ‏ ‏لا تغضب فردد مرارا قال لا تغضب قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ : الشَّدِيدُ مَنْ غَلَبَ نَفْسَه عن النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ أَنَّهُ قَالَ : الْعَقْلُ نُورٌ فِي الْقَلْبِ يُفَرِّقُ بَيْنَ الْحَقِّ وَالْبَاطِلِ

20. ”إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَأْمُرُكُمْ أَنْ تُؤَدُّوا الْأَمَانَاتِ إِلَى أَهْلِهَا وَإِذَا حَكَمْتُمْ بَيْنَ النَّاسِ أَنْ تَحْكُمُوا بِالْعَدْلِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ نِعِمَّا يَعِظُكُمْ بِهِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ سَمِيعًا بَصِيرًا ” ”يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا كُونُوا قَوَّامِينَ لِلَّهِ شُهَدَاءَ بِالْقِسْطِ وَلَا يَجْرِمَنَّكُمْ شَنَآنُ قَوْمٍ عَلَى أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا اعْدِلُوا هُوَ أَقْرَبُ لِلتَّقْوَى وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ“

21. ”وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِنْ صَوْتِكَ إِنَّ أَنْكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ“ ”وَتَعَاوَنُوا عَلَى الْبِرِّ وَالتَّقْوَى وَلَا تَعَاوَنُوا عَلَى الْإِثْمِ وَالْعُدْوَانِ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ شَدِيدُ“ ” وَاعْتَصِمُوا بِحَبْلِ اللَّهِ جَمِيعًا وَلَا تَفَرَّقُوا وَاذْكُرُوا نِعْمَةَ اللَّهِ عَلَيْكُمْ إِذْ كُنْتُمْ أَعْدَاءً فَأَلَّفَ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِكُمْ فَأَصْبَحْتُمْ بِنِعْمَتِهِ إِخْوَانًا“

22. ”لَكُمْ دِينُكُمْ وَلِيَ دِينِ” ”وَإِنْ نَكَثُوا أَيْمَانَهُمْ مِنْ بَعْدِ عَهْدِهِمْ وَطَعَنُوا فِي دِينِكُمْ فَقَاتِلُوا أَئِمَّةَ الْكُفْرِ إِنَّهُمْ لَا أَيْمَانَ لَهُمْ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَنْتَهُونَ”

23. ”وَلَمَّا جَاءَ عِيسَى بِالْبَيِّنَاتِ قَالَ قَدْ جِئْتُكُمْ بِالْحِكْمَةِ وَلِأُبَيِّنَ لَكُمْ بَعْضَ الَّذِي تَخْتَلِفُونَ فِيهِ فَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ وَأَطِيعُونِ” ”ادْعُ إِلَى سَبِيلِ رَبِّكَ بِالْحِكْمَةِ وَالْمَوْعِظَةِ الْحَسَنَةِ وَجَادِلْهُمْ بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ إِنَّ رَبَّكَ هُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِمَنْ ضَلَّ عَنْ سَبِيلِهِ وَهُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِالْمُهْتَدِينَ” ”

24. ”وَقُلْ لِعِبَادِي يَقُولُوا الَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ يَنْزَغُ بَيْنَهُمْ إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ كَانَ لِلْإِنْسَانِ عَدُوًّا مُبِينًا“ ”الَّذِينَ يَسْتَمِعُونَ الْقَوْلَ فَيَتَّبِعُونَ أَحْسَنَهُ أُولَئِكَ الَّذِينَ هَدَاهُمُ اللَّهُ وَأُولَئِكَ هُمْ أُولُو الْأَلْبَاب” " اِدْفَعْ بِاَلَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَن فَإِذَا الَّذِي بَيْنك وَبَيْنه عَدَاوَة كَأَنَّهُ وَلِيّ حَمِيم“ ”وَهُوَ الَّذِي خَلَقَ السَّمَاوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضَ فِي سِتَّةِ أَيَّامٍ وَكَانَ عَرْشُهُ عَلَى الْمَاءِ لِيَبْلُوَكُمْ أَيُّكُمْ أَحْسَنُ عَمَلًا“

25. ”وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حُسْنًا وَإِنْ جَاهَدَاكَ لِتُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا إِلَيَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأُنَبِّئُكُمْ بِمَا كُنْتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ” العنكبوت ”فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا“ لقمان

26. وَابْتَغِ فِيمَا آتَاكَ اللَّهُ الدَّارَ الْآخِرَةَ وَلَا تَنْسَ نَصِيبَكَ مِنَ الدُّنْيَا وَأَحْسِنْ كَمَا أَحْسَنَ اللَّهُ إِلَيْكَ وَلَا تَبْغِ الْفَسَادَ فِي الْأَرْضِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ الْمُفْسِدِينَ”

27. There is no one best way to deal with conflict It depends on the current situation

28. The reasons we use different styles varies We often avoid when we don't want to get involved or we decide it's not worth the effort to pursue. It's important to "pick your battles" since they can't all be fought and won.

29. We compete when we strongly believe in our ideas. We accommodate when we want others to like us or we like things to run smoothly or we don't feel like we have the right to remind others of their responsibilities

30. We often compromise when we are in a hurry. We use collaboration when we want everyone involved to feel "ownership" for the outcome