2.  The Pickase offers maximum (And by maximum, we mean the least possible) protection for your phone. Made with only the finest materials, the Pickase is the best protection on the market.

3.  Like said, only the finest, most efficient, cheapest materials were used in the production of this moderately dangerous product. And by that, I mean toothpicks, hot glue, and loads of frustration.  I’m a doctor, by the way.

4.  This product was cheap and easy to make, meaning it won’t bust your wallet. $99.99, people. But hey, it’s $99.98 on sale! WOAH! MAN! WHAT A DEAL!  My God, we are pitiful.

5.  We tested the Pickase. It broke. So did the phone. Not our fault. Keep buying it though. Seriously. We’re bankrupt.

6.  The Pickase is WAY too big for your phone  Offers minimum protection  Splintery  We really just threw this together to save our company. It failed.

7.  5331 Bankruptcy Lane  18009635  Please don’t sue us.