2. C HAPTER 7: I MPROVING R ELATIONSHIPS *C LIMATE AND C ONFLICT

3. T WO W AY TO I MPROVE R ELATIONSHIPS Maintain an effective communication climate. Express and resolve conflict in an effective manner.

4. C OMMUNICATION C LIMATE IS THE EMOTIONAL TONE OF A RELATIONSHIP It measure the degree to which a person feels he/she is valued in a relationship. It is created through: Confirming responses: Disconfirming responses: Conflict Spirals

5. M ESSAGES HAVE TWO DIMENSIONS Content dimension: substance of the message Relational dimension: conveys feelings one person has towards the other person.

6. G IBBS ’ C ATEGORIES C ERTAIN M ESSAGES ( BEHAVIORS ) ARE MORE LIKELY TO CREATE SUPPORTIVE OR DEFENSIVE CLIMATES DefensiveSupportive Defensive vs Supportive Evaluation - Description Control - Problem-oriented Strategy - Spontaneity Neutrality - Empathy Superiority - Equality Certainty - Provisionalism

7. R ELATIONAL C ONFLICT

8. C ONFLICT Expressed Struggle Incompatible goals (perceived) Scarce Resources Interdependent Parties Money Other Relationships Lifestyle Decisions Behaviors What is it? Major Causes of Conflict

9. D EALING WITH C ONFLICT E FFECTIVELY Influenced by: Gender Culture Personality Conflict Style Conflict Resolution Method

10. C ONFLICT AND P ERSONALITY

11. Lions LIONS Hard-sided lovers Born Leaders Not Afraid of Confrontation Problem Solvers Doers Like Immediate Results Relationship Challenge : May appear distant May Intimidates others Otters Fun Avoid Confrontation Life to have Fun Doesn’t Read Fine Print Messy Rooms 25 Best Friends Optimistic Susceptible to Peer Pressure Relationship Challenge : Soft on People & problems Need to learn to say NO Golden Retrievers Pleasers, Compassionate, Adaptable Great Listeners Stubbornly Hold to what is right Need Close Relationships with a Few People Don’t like sudden changes Need Security Relationship Challenge : Prone to Enabling and Co-Dependency Beaver Make Careful Decisions Creative Likes Organization and Rules Works best in a non-critical Atmosphere Reads Instruction Books Needs Praise of Accomplishments Relationship Challenge : Critical of self and others Pessimistic/Focuses on Past Turns Anger Inwards Personality Profiles

12. C ONFLICT : E XPRESSION AND RESOLUTION Most people, tend to express and/or react to conflict in one of five ways. Style may vary and be impacted by the situation, but many people tend to rely primarily on 1 or 2 styles most often. There are four major ways to resolve conflict: Win-lose Lose-lose Compromise Win-win

13. N ONASSERTION Does not express feelings Puts other person’s needs ahead of your own Generally achieved in two ways: avoidance = I lose- you lose accommodation= I lose – you win Is it ever the best way to handle conflict?

14. D IRECT A GGRESSION Directly confronts and attacks the other person Puts personal needs ahead of the other person Utilizes competitive problem-solving = I win – you lose

15. P ASSIVE A GGRESSION Expresses hostility in a vague way Lose-Lose: If I lose then You lose too. Uses Crazymaking Actions Pseudoaccomodators Guiltmakers Jokers Trivial tyrannizers Withholders

16. I NDIRECT C OMMUNICATION Conveys information in a roundabout way Uses a 3 rd party

17. A SSERTION Expresses needs, thoughts, and feelings clearly and directly Asserts own needs without stepping on the needs of others Part of a Win-Win resolution: I win – you win Utilized in Collaboration = problem solving process

18. R ESOLVING C ONFLICT E FFECTIVELY Perspective See the issue from the other’s perspective (empathy) Keep things in perspective Be Tolerant respect their decisions on how to live their life Deal with your Anger calm our anger before confronting other Talk But, remember some things are best left unsaid Raising Problem sometimes it is important to make another person aware of the problems they are creating

19. I N RESOLVING A CONFLICT REMEMBER THESE THINGS : Consider the other person’s needs/your needs Consider the most appropriate method of conflict resolution Use effective communication techniques to address conflict DESC(describe behaviors/ explain effect/ state outcome/express consequences) If possible engage in win-win conflict resolution