1. PARENT INFORMATION SESSION Author: Professor Paula Barrett
WELCOME TO THE
FRIENDS FOR LIFE
PARENT INFORMATION SESSION
Author: Professor Paula Barrett
Pathways Health and
Research Centre

2. AGENDA What is Anxiety? What is Depression? Resilience
What are the risk and protective factors in relation to anxiety ?
Principles underlying the FRIENDS for Life program
Steps of FRIENDS For LIFE
Parental strategies for each stage of FRIENDS for LIFE
How to foster healthy children?
How to deal with anxious or difficult behaviours
Support Options

3. What is anxiety? Anxiety is a common emotion.
At some stage in our lives we will all feel anxious when faced with a difficult situation.
Anxiety responses:
Physiological – sweating, increased heart rate, butterflies in the stomach
Cognitive – negative self talk such as
” I can’t cope”
Behavioural – avoidance of the anxiety provoking situation
Flight or fight response
Fear
- We all experience fear of some kind, and we’re all going to see fears in the children we work with.
Fear is both a useful and necessary emotion which keeps us safe from harm.
- Fear is essential to our survival – stops us from getting hurt.
Similarly, if you came across a vicious dog, fear produces adrenalin which allows us to run away as quickly as we can.
Fears are a natural and normal part of life
We all experience fear from time to time (e.g. Public speaking)
Fear is essential to our survival – stops us from getting hurt.
When confronted with a life-threatening or dangerous situation (e.g a vicious dog) humans automatically respond with the “flight or fight” response
Automatically, chemical messengers such as adrenalin are produced which prepare our body for a defensive reaction –e.g. muscles tense, heart rate increases supplying extra oxygen to the body, vision and hearing becomes more acute and focused,
Allows us to run away as quickly as we can (flight) or attack back (fight).

4. CHILD ANXIETIES
All children experience anxiety as part of their normal development
0-5 Mths
Loss of support, loud noises
7-12 Mths
Fear of strangers, fear of sudden, unexpected and looming objects
1 yr
Separation from parent, toilet, injury, strangers
2 yrs
Many fears, including loud noises, animals, dark rooms, separation, large objects, change in environment
3 - 4 yrs
Masks, the dark, animals, separation, noises
5 yrs
“Bad” people, bodily harm, animals, dark, separation
6 yrs
Supernatural beings, bodily injuries, thunder and lightening, dark, sleeping or staying alone
7-8
Supernatural beings, dark, fears based on media events, staying alone, injury
9-12 yrs
Test and exams, school performance, bodily injury, physical appearance, thunder and lightning, death, the dark (low percentage)
Adolescents
School, home, safety, political issues, personal relationships, personal appearance, natural phenomena, future, animals.

5. Anxiety can be Adaptive
Mild to moderate levels of physiological arousal can help you to perform optimally:
On tests
Before a presentation
In sports and other performance activities
If we didn’t feel anxious, we would never get anything done!

6. When does anxiety become a problem?
NORMAL FEARS
ANXIETY DISORDERS
When does anxiety become a problem?
Developmentally appropriate?
Significant distress
Duration
Interference
DISTRESS- Firstly, the child experiences significant DISTRESS, which is out of proportion to the threat. It is more intense than is what is normally experienced by a child that age (e.g. severe stomachaches and throwing up or separation anxiety distress persisting into middle of school year)
INTERFERENCE with a child’s or family’s life. A child or family’s relationships and daily functioning are impaired- interferes with child’s ability to participate in age appropriate activities and meet age-expected norms such as making and keeping friends and meeting expectations at school (e.g. regular attendance, homework completion, taking tests, giving oral reports)
Activities become restricted e.g. avoiding going to a park because they are worried there will be a dog there or avoiding birthday parties because of shyness.
DEVELOPMENTALLY INAPPROPRIATE- age inappropriate- appears in the wrong developmental period or persists past expected lifespan (e.g. hiding or becoming mute in front of strangers at age 6 or 7)
DURATION – when the fear is not transitory, but lingers (eg. Separation distress for start of school year Vs whole year). Anxiety disorder – difficulties have existed for a period of 6 months or more
The key difference between normal fear and anxiety disorders is that anxiety impacts on relationships and daily functioning. Anxious kids tend to cause HUGE amounts of distress to family members and cause massive disruption to family routine.

7. Symptoms of Anxiety Excessive: Worry (anticipatory) Avoidance
Attention to threat
Fast/sustained physiological arousal
Psychosomatic complaints
Difficulty in resting and going to sleep
Shyness
Social withdrawal
Perfectionism
Attention to threat
e.g. Going on an excursion to the zoo. Most children would be excited about this, however, anxious children may focus on what may go wrong – such as missing the bus, not having their parent in the group, etc.
Fast and sustained physiological arousal- fight or flight – heart beating fast
Psychosomatic complaints- e.g. headaches, tummy aches, gastrointestinal complaints,
DSM-IV: - Perfectionistic
- Approval seeking
- Worry about catastrophic events
- Seek excessive reassurance
- Somatic complaints
- Worry about performance in school or sporting events
- Familial patterns
- Avoidance of situations/objects
Different Presentations of Anxiety
- Not just typical presentations. Every child is different e.g. anxiety expressed as anger (harder to recognise that it’s anxiety).
- Very different presentations. Irritability a common sign in children.
- Anxious kids good in classroom  work quietly, often perfectionists, and eager to please! Model students. Anxiety often goes unnoticed!

8. Symptoms of Depression
Excessive:
Sadness
Loss of pleasure
Social withdrawal
Early morning insomnia
Hopelessness and helplessness
Irritability
Negative memory biases
Poor concentration
Flat affect
Appetite changes
Hopelessness and helplessness
Looking at cognitive style

9. Behaviours Avoiding new things or taking risks
Escaping from feared situations
Frequent physical complaints and visits to sick bay (especially before particular events)
School refusal
Distraction and attention difficulties
Seeking reassurance
Perfectionistic tendencies – frustrated when makes mistakes and when they can’t “get it right”
Staying close to a familiar person
Resisting change, especially in routine
Little eye contact
Spending a lot of time alone
Unwillingness to participate in class

10. Risk Factors
Factors associated with an increased probability of onset of a disorder, greater severity, and longer duration
Temperament: Physiological sensitivity/low thresholds for stress
Threat focussed attention
Brain Development
Negative life events and trauma
Risk Factors
Risk factors – not enough knowledge to know how we can change the effects of these
Temperament – child’s nature at birth, 1 in 5 kids exhibit physiological sensitivity (as shown by reflex tests when born). They show an exaggerated response – takes long time to calm down e.g. after a loud noise; not liking strangers pick them up etc. Heart rate goes and up stays up (as opposed to going back down). This occurs regardless of how much you soothe them. This inherent sensitivity makes them vulnerable to developing anxiety as they grow older. Anxious children are often described as being like this from birth. About half of these physiologically sensitive children go on to show signs of anxiety as they grow up, and are at risk of showing depression if there is a negative life event (anxiety is the strongest risk factor for depression). So, some people are genetically vulnerable.
Neurological/Brain Development
Alcohol and drug abuse during adolescence greatly impairs learning
Brain will reshape based on based on information it receives and becomes stronger through repetition and time. Brain circuitry operates on the principal of “survival of the busiest” (The Mind and the Brain, J Schwartz and S. Begley) so the more we engage in worry, the more, the faster and the more easily the brain will be mapped to make those anxious connections.
Life events: Stressful experiences. Prolonged exposure to traumatic event i.e. chronic events e.g. ongoing physical or emotional abuse, chronic illness, learning disability. linked to more trauma than short term stressor e.g. car accident. Chronic events are much harder to overcome.
- These are both static – we don’t have control over these factors. They are not vulnerabilities to anxiety and depression, as long as protective factors are in place.
- Need to check diet, sleep etc, as many variables contribute to wellbeing.
Life happens – we cannot control these events happening, but we can learn coping skills to get through them.

11. Protective Factors
Current scientific knowledge at present that we can use to teach skills to parents, school staff and children to make them resilient to life challenges
Attachment/Affection
Cognitive style
Family
Friendships
Good Physical Health (sleep, daily exercise, diet)
School/Work
Creative play
Evidenced Based Prevention
Protective factors – We can support and nurture these.
Attachment: Children need to be exposed to unconditional, positive stable love from somebody in their life: parent, extended family member, teacher etc. Learn world is a safe place and they can trust people. Teachers very important if children don’t have this at home. Attachment is the number one predictor of positive wellbeing (first few years of life are the most crucial). Love is the most important thing regardless of intelligence, financial resources etc (not related to SES)
Cognitive Style: Glass half empty or half full? By eight years of age, most children have developed a thinking style, or habitual way of responding to stressors. Strongest protective factor  can be learned and improved, and easier from young age (what this program is about). Most important predictor of success and happiness in life. It does take a lot of effort to change, but everyone can. Better health, relationships and happiness. The younger you learn, the easier it is, but you can improve at any age. As you go through life it gets harder (like exercising).
Family: Support networks, including extended family and communities. A family that is supportive, inclusive, positive and encouraging and helps the child to face difficult situations can help children to be more resilient. A cohesive family structure with a sense of stability and belonging is so important.
Friendships (esp. for teens): It is important that parents help children build their social circle. Very critical for adolescents to have friends that bring out the best in you. Important for parents to encourage positive friendships, and to bring friends home.
Good physical health - diet, sleep, exercise all very important. Physical health can play an important role in mental health and emotional wellbeing. Look at this first (bottom-up approach – starting with the basic things first – Maslow’s hierarchy of needs).
Diet – healthy/organic diets. Tell example of stress hormones in chickens – we eat and develop these ourselves e.g. if you eat animal with the flu, it gets passed on to us, in the same way if animals are unhappy/ stressed, we too will develop higher levels of stress
Sugar – soft drink – 4 times more sugar than a child can absorb (juice high in sugar as well)
Note: 9/10 children with diabetes have an anxiety disorder
Caffeine- central nervous system stimulant- anxiety prone children sensitive to caffeine
Exercise – more blood flow to the brain, production of dopamines and endorphins
School/work: (happiness at school in workplace, being valued, enjoying what you’re doing, schools giving rewards for trying – not just outcome)
Evidence based prevention: Research all around world -start teaching social emotional skills to children from a young age we can help and develop resilience in children.
Repeated exposure to the skills – the better the effect (same as inoculation through a vaccine). Still get it – but a milder version (same with social emotional skills – Friends prevention).

12. Resilience = the ability to bounce back Benefits of Resilience
“Children who are emotionally and socially skilled are more successful at school”
“Children who are emotionally and socially skilled relate better to other children, teachers and parents. They are more competent in dealing with stress and school work”
(Aber, Jones & Cohen, 2000)
“Doing well in grade 8 could be better predicted from knowing children’s social competence 5 years earlier than from primary school academic results”
“Children that have learnt empathy, emotional and social competence show significantly less behavioural problems at school, even if they are in adverse life circumstances”
(Caprara et al., 2000)
Summarises information from research
- Many reasons for building resilience.
- Children who start early building social skills do better academically later in life.
- Academic competence is a benefit of resilience
- Fewer behavioural problems - reducing impact on class, teachers and parents
- It is a universal program, which does not mean that they have diagnosis.
- Important point: despite adverse life circumstances, social emotional skills result in positive outcomes for these children (protective factors)

13. WHAT IS FRIENDS FOR LIFE?
A program created to assist children to build resilience and self-esteem and to learn important skills and techniques to cope with feelings of fear, worry and depression.
The symbolism drawn from the word FRIENDS is based on the following principles:
The word FRIENDS helps children to remember each of the skills taught throughout the program (i.e. each letter stands for a new skill learned).
Our body is our FRIEND and tells us when we are feeling worried or nervous by giving us clues.
It is important to learn to be our own FRIEND and reward ourselves when we try hard.
It is important to make FRIENDS, so that we can build our social support network and feel happier.
FRIENDS can help us to cope with difficult situations more
effectively.

14. Health & Research Centre
Model of Intervention
Pathways
Health & Research Centre

15. How can you help?
You as parents and caregivers play a vital role in the development and maintenance of the skills taught in the FRIENDS programme.
Each week your child (ren) will be introduced to specific skills to help build their resiliency. These skills need to be reinforced both during the program and in the home environment in order for change to occur.
It is our aim that your child (ren), your families and community will both enjoy the FRIENDS for Life programme and will benefit from learning practical, useful skills for coping with stress, worry, fear and day-to-day challenges.
It would be beneficial if you could keep track of progress – frequency, duration, and intensity of challenging times + positive changes observed.

16. An Overview of FRIENDS for LIFE F eelings R emember to Relax
I can do it! I can try my best!
E xplore Solutions and Coping Step Plans
N ow reward yourself! You’ve done your best!
D on’t forget to practice!
S mile! Stay calm for life!

17. Home Activities At the end of each session Practice the skills learnt
Opportunity to show family skills learnt
Transfer skills to different contexts
Fun and engaging
Reward system at the back of workbook
Home Activities
- Tends not to feel like homework – some activities are quite fun
- Don’t take very long to complete – 5-10 minutes. Just to reinforce these things at home with the family.
- Generally discussion based
- Fun e.g. Chocolate dilemma in FFL
- Reward system for completing homework activities (stickers) in FFL child
- There are a couple of home activities in the workbook at the end of each session. Tend to be family-based

18. Tips for parents/caregivers:
Discuss individual and family goals that can be achieved over the coming weeks.
Make goals specific and positive in nature (e.g. to keep my room tidy each day, to use friendly words when talking to my brothers and/or sisters, to complete my homework each night).
Catch your child being brave (e.g. doing something new for the first time). Positively reinforcing all brave behaviour.
Encourage your child to talk about the things that upset them including any fears or worries. Share some of your own childhood worries and fears. This will help to normalise the experience of anxiety and worry.

19. F = FEELINGS
The program helps our children learn to identify when they are feeling worried or nervous by recognising their own individual body clues, which prompt them to calm down and relax.
Learning to understand our own and other people’s feelings
Working on feeling happy, brave and confident.
How can you help your child tune into these body clues at home?

20. Feelings Tips for parents/caregivers:
Try to verbalise what you think your child is feeling.
Validate your child’s feelings before problem solving as a way of letting your child know that you understand how they are feeling.
Talking about feelings helps to communicate to children that all feelings are ok, however; it is what we choose to do with our feelings that count.
Identify and discuss the strengths of each family member. Becoming aware of strengths will enhance and boost individual and family esteem.
Use lots of descriptive praise to validate your child’s strengths. Share with your child (ren) some of your own strengths.
Try to verbalise what you think your child is feeling. For example, if you notice that your child looks happy, let them know this. You could say something like “you look very happy today. I can tell because you are smiling and have laughed lots, this shows me that you are happy”. Or, “I can see that you are angry as your face and fists are scrunched up and you are raising your voice, this shows me that you are angry”.
Validating your child’s feelings before problem solving is a way of letting your child know that you understand how they are feeling. For example, if your child is angry you could say something like “I can see that you are angry and don’t want to do your homework, however; you need to make a good choice now and find a way to manage your anger. It is ok to be angry, but it is not ok to hit people when you are angry”.
It is important that children be able to recognise and label their feelings and the feelings of others. This helps to build empathy for self and others. Discussing what emotions you see your child displaying will create understanding. Talking about feelings helps to communicate to children that all feelings are ok, however; it is what we choose to do with our feelings that count.
Identify and discuss the strengths of each family member. Becoming aware of strengths will enhance and boost individual and family esteem. Use lots of descriptive praise to validate your child’s strengths. For example, I really like it when you hug your sister when she is upset, being caring is one of your strengths.
Share with your child (ren) some of your own strengths. This will help children to understand their own and others strengths. This also helps to build children’s self-esteem.

21. R = REMEMBER TO RELAX
This step teaches children to learn and practise a variety of relaxation techniques. These are important as we cannot think straight if we are not calm. Breathing By taking slow, deep breaths we can relax our body, our heart beats slower, and we feel less tense and worried. Muscle Relaxation When we tense and relax our muscles our body releases chemicals called endorphins which make us feel relaxed. Visualisation Imagining a peaceful, happy relaxing place can help us to feel calm. Quiet Time Activities that make yourself feel happy and relaxed. How can you help your family (both children and parents) to practise relaxation exercises that will help them to feel better?

22. Relaxation Tips for parents/caregivers:
Encourage your child (ren) to verbalise what is happening inside of their bodies when they experience a variety of emotions. Let our child (ren) know that theses symptoms are your bodies way of telling you how you are feeling.
Once children are aware of their body clues they need to do something about this. Encourage child to practice relaxation strategies.
Practice / allocate quiet time each day.
Encourage and practice deep breathing .
Develop family relaxation menu of feel-good activities.
Encourage your child (ren) to verbalise what is happening inside of their bodies when they experience a variety of emotions. For example, when we are worried we can experience butterflies in our tummy or get a tight feeling in our throat, or we may need to go to the toilet often. Let our child (ren) know that theses symptoms are your bodies way of telling you how you are feeling.
It is important that as soon as children are aware of their body clues they need to do something about this. Engaging in relaxation strategies helps to reduce these feelings and to remain in control.
Practice having quiet time each day. Practice deep breathing from your tummy. Teach your child (ren) to breathe in through their nose and out through their mouth to help control their anxiety symptoms.
Relaxation techniques have an immediate impact on our physiology. Deep breathing is used to decrease our heart rate and release tension in our body. Being calm also helps us to think clearly in an anxiety provoking or difficult situation.
Try to see that your body language matches what you are saying to your child (ren). Child can often feel confused by the messages from those around them, and therefore they become confused as how to respond and act in different situations. Try to be clear, firm and fair in your approach. Remember that children look to you for how to respond in situations and will model your responses. When your body language matches your emotions it minimises the likelihood of any miscommunication occurring.

23. I = I CAN DO IT! I CAN TRY MY BEST!
This step teaches children to tune into their self-talk. This is an important skill as thoughts influence feelings and behaviour. Children learn how to think in helpful ways, so they can feel better about themselves, and cope more effectively with difficult situations. 3 Main Stages: Awareness of negative self-talk, Challenging negative thoughts, and Replacing with positive thoughts. Positive attention = another important part of this process.

24. CHANGING UNHELPFUL THOUGHTS INTO HELPFUL (POWERFUL) THOUGHTS
“I’m so hopeless, I’ll never be good at anything!” “I did really well for trying. If I keep practising I’ll get better.” “I must succeed in everything I do!” “I don’t have to be good at everything I do. Nobody is perfect!” “No one will accept me if I make a mistake.” “Even if I make a mistake, people are not going to think any differently about me.”

25. CHANGING UNHELPFUL THOUGHTS INTO HELPFUL (POWERFUL) THOUGHTS
“I’ll probably forget all my lines, then I’ll look like a total idiot!” “I’ve practised my lines, and I know them. I won’t forget them. Even if I do forget my lines it is not the end of the world.” “They are not going to like me”. “How do I know that they don’t like me. I’ve never met them before.” “I’m going to be so nervous tomorrow”. “I’m not going to be nervous tomorrow. I can do it!” “I don’t know what to say.” “I’ll just let them talk first and I can listen. Then I’ll ask them what games they like playing.”

26. CHALLENGING UNHELPFUL THOUGHTS
Another way you can help your child change unhelpful thoughts into helpful thoughts is to challenge them be asking certain questions, and looking for evidence against the unhelpful thoughts.
e.g. “I can’t do anything right.”
To find out how silly that thought is, ask some simple questions…
Is that really true?
Are you exaggerating?
Now try to make a helpful green thought by…
Naming 2 or 3 things that you can do well
(e.g. at school, home, or at a friend’s house).

27. Challenging Questions
Everyone feels miserable sometimes. When we feel this way we often say things to ourselves that aren’t true. E.g. “No-one likes me” or “I always mess everything up. I’m not good at anything.”
We can challenge these thoughts by looking for evidence
Are you exaggerating?
Are you sure this is really going to happen?
Is this really true?
How much does it matter what other people think?
Are you forgetting the positives?
Can you really expect to be perfect at everything you do?
What is the worst thing that could possibly happen?
Challenging Red Thoughts
In order to change our red thoughts to green thoughts, it can help to challenge our red thoughts with questions such as…
We can easily make ourselves believe that “I’m hopeless at everything”, “Nobody likes me” … etc. But by challenging these thoughts we come to realise they aren’t true, and can replace them with more helpful green thoughts 27

28. Positive Thinking Tips for parents/caregivers:
Encourage your child to focus on the positives of situations and not the negatives. Positive attention can be an essential first step in thinking positively.
Help your children to see life through a ‘positive’ lens, and to see the glass as ‘half-full’. This takes practice!
Help your child become aware of their self-talk and assist them in turning negative thoughts into positive and powerful thoughts.
Help your child practice bossing back unhelpful thoughts and replacing them with more positive thoughts.
Notice negative thinking in yourself or your child.
Children model what they see and hear around them. If you recognise that you are saying unhelpful words or feeling tense or nervous then let your child know that you are aware of this. Then demonstrate coming up with an alternative positive way of looking at your situation.

29. E = EXPLORE SOLUTIONS AND COPING STEP PLANS
This step teaches children to find ways to solve problems in difficult or worrying times.
COPING STEP PLANS
The steps plan involves breaking down a challenging situation into small, achievable, easy steps.
The steps gradually become more difficult until the fear is overcome.
Children should use the FRIENDS plan (deep breaths, thinking helpful thoughts) as they climb each step.
The child should not climb the next step until they feel calm and relaxed on the current step.
What challenging situations could you
help your child to overcome?

30. Coping Step Plans
Approaching difficult situations and fears in a gradual manner (graded exposure)
Breaking down a problem situation into smaller, more manageable steps; focusing on one step at a time.
Setting realistic goals. Can be short- or long-term. Could relate to:
Overcoming a fear e.g. speaking in front of others, not being afraid of dogs
Solving a problem e.g. facing a bully, getting along with a sibling, resolving a friendship issue, confronting somebody
Preparing for an upcoming event e.g. going on school camp, a sporting match or carnival
Learning a new skill e.g. learning to rollerblade, learning an instrument, playing a sport
Completing a task e.g. finishing homework, submitting an assignment, presenting a speech, playing a piece of music
Achieving something e.g. getting a role in a performance, getting into a sporting team

31. COPING STEP PLAN
Here is an example of how to break down a fear of spiders into small steps.
7. Read a book that contains pictures of spiders.
6. Watch a documentary about spiders.
5. Hold a plastic spider in your hand.
4. Have a spider enclosed in a glass jar in another room.
3. Have a spider enclosed in a glass jar in the same room.
2. Hold the glass jar with the spider enclosed inside it.
Go close to a spider in its web outside.
*It is important to negotiate rewards when
each step has been achieved.

32. Role Models & Support Teams
Tips for parents/caregivers:
Identify the people whom you look up to in your life both now or in the past. Identify their strengths discuss with your child (ren) the ways in which these people have impacted your life.
Have a family discussion as to the sources of supports available to you. For example, family, friends, community leaders, teachers, family GP, dance teacher etc.
Try to focus on the solution to problems and not the problem itself.
Identify the people whom you look up to in your life both now or in the past. Identify the strengths of these people and discuss with your child (ren) the ways in which these people have impacted your life.
Have a family discussion as to the sources of supports available to you. For example, family, friends, community leaders, teachers, family GP, dance teacher etc. Help your child to recognise when to seek help and the people they can talk to when they go through good and bad times. Knowing that there are people available to who care is a protective factor in children lives.
Try to focus on the solution to problems and not the problem itself. The more you can take the emphasis off the problem and redirect the focus on the outcome, the more confident you will become in knowing you can come through the other side and learn to manage situations.

33. 6-BLOCK PROBLEM SOLVING PLAN
The steps involved:
Define the problem (What is the problem?)
List the possible solutions (What could I do?)
List what might happen (consequences) for each possible solution.
Pick the best solution based on the consequences.
Put your plan into action (do it!)
Did it work? (Evaluate the strengths and weaknesses).
In what situations would this be a useful strategy for your child?

34. 6-BLOCK PROBLEM SOLVING PLAN
There are always many different solutions to any problem we face.
It is easier to choose a solution when you consider the consequences.
It is often useful to solve problems with the help of other people.
It is important to look at the good points and the bad points of the solution we choose, so we can decide whether the solution really was the best way of handling the problem.
If the solution we choose had more bad points than good points, we can simply try another solution! That is, we don’t give up!

35. Problem-solving Skills
Tips for parents/caregivers:
Encourage your child to identify specific tasks, fears, difficult upcoming events.
Provide your child with praise every time they attempt something difficult, try something new, or are working towards their goals.
Help your child to practise saying GREEN thoughts when faced with new situations of challenges.
Share your own experiences in learning new tasks, overcoming fears, etc.
Break skills and activities into small steps. Don’t expect your child to progress to the next level until they have mastered the level below and feel confident with this.
It has been demonstrated that from an early age children can learn to choose how they think, feel and act. However, it is one thing to know this but another to be able to put this skill into practice.
For children to develop the ability to see life through a ‘positive’ lens, and to see the glass as ‘half-full’ they need to practice bossing back unhelpful thoughts on a daily basis until this skill becomes a natural part of their thinking. Changing your thinking processes can be uncomfortable to being with but it can make a huge difference in our ability to cope if we can learn to look for the positives in a situation and to not focus on the negatives.
Children model what they see and hear around them. If you recognise that you are saying unhelpful words or feeling tense or nervous then let your child know that you are aware of this. From there demonstrate coming up with an alternative positive way of looking at your situation. For example, if you are getting stressed about being late for work instead of saying “Now I am late for work, traffic will be bad and I bet I will get all the red lights!” you could say “It is going to be ok, maybe the traffic won’t be as bad as I am thinking, and at least I get to listen to the radio as I drive to work”.
The more you and your child (ren) practice the skill of recognising your feelings, and challenging unhelpful thoughts, the more control you and your child (ren) will have over your behaviour and choices. This will boost everyone’s confidence in being able to face the ups and downs of life.
Continue to share your thoughts and feelings with your child (ren) and acknowledge their emotions. Let them know the things you struggled with when you were their age. Help them see that things can be turned around and that we can all learn to overcome our difficulties by CHOOSING to think positively.

36. N = NOW REWARD YOURSELF! YOU’VE DONE YOUR BEST
This step teaches children that it’s important to reward themselves when they cope with a difficult or worrying situation.
REWARDS
Rewards that are administered immediately and consistently positively reinforce childrens’ trying hard.
What rewards could you give children for trying hard?

37. REWARDS EXAMPLES OF REWARDS
Spending time engaging in their favourite activity
Spending quality time with friends and family members
Being allowed to stay up for an extra half an hour on the weekend
Using star charts which work as tokens towards earning a grand reward (ideal for the coping step plan)
Using a picture of a toy/game that the child really desires, cut into pieces like a jigsaw. Each time the child tries hard they pick a piece of jigsaw out of a hat. Once children have earned all the pieces and rebuilt the jigsaw they are rewarded with that toy/game.

38. Rewards Tips for parents/caregivers:
Try to help your child focus on their effort in giving things a go and not necessarily the outcome of their efforts.
Help you child to focus on what they can do well. This is likely to increase their willingness to give new things a go or to continue facing things they find difficult.
Discuss with your child ways that they can feel good about themselves when they have done their best, despite things not going the way they planned.
The more ideas and solutions generated and the more practice of these skills, the better skilled you and your children will become in dealing with problems/conflicts and managing life situations.

39. Skill Practice Sessions
Tips for parents/caregivers:
Try to incorporate the FRIENDS language into everyday life.
Continue to challenge unhelpful thoughts (RED thoughts) and turn them into helpful thoughts (GREEN thoughts).
Discuss situations where a coping step plan or the 6-block problem solving plan may be useful (e.g., going on school camp, sitting an exam, not being invited to a party, fighting over computer time at home).
Continue to help your child generate personal ways to reward themselves for their efforts.
Try to incorporate the FRIENDS language into everyday life. For example continue to discuss feelings and our body clues when feeling nervous, happy, excited or sad.
Continue to challenge unhelpful thoughts (RED thoughts) and turn them into helpful thoughts (GREEN thoughts).
Discuss situations where a coping step plan or the 6-block problem solving plan may be useful (e.g., going on school camp, sitting an exam, not being invited to a party, fighting over computer time at home).
Continue to help your child generate personal ways to reward themselves for their efforts.

40. Skill Practice Sessions
Tips for parents/caregivers:
Help you child to identify future challenges (e.g., beginning a new school) and to set realistic goals for now and the future (e.g., learning to swim or attend school camp).
Keep practising the FRIENDS skills each day to help your child (ren) manage current and future challenges.
Daily practice of the FRIENDS skills will help maintain positive changes. However, setbacks may occur from time-to-time, this is to be expected. Don’t despair! The FRIENDS skills are skills to be used in real-life situations both now and for the rest of your lives.

41. General Principles
Self-Awareness: getting to know yourself, your patterns, your sensitivities, will help in regulation.
Changing Habits: it takes time to change psychological and physical habits – usually 2-3 months.
Reciprocal Skills: all skills need to be practiced by all family members (top down + bottom up through the system).
Modelling Skills: teachers model to participants, children model each other, children model their parents.

42. Pathways Health and Research Centre
THANK YOU!
Pathways Health and Research Centre