1. Managing Conflict in Marriages and Families
Chapter 13
Managing Conflict in Marriages and Families

2. Chapter Outline Family Cohesion Conflict and Love
Supportive Communication and Conflict Management
Bonding Fights - Nine Guidelines
Changing Conflict-Management Habits
The Myth of Conflict-free Conflict

3. Six Qualities of Family Cohesion
Communicate appreciation for one another.
Arrange personal schedules so they can do things together.
Have a high degree of commitment to promoting one another's happiness and welfare.

4. Six Qualities of Family Cohesion
Have some spiritual orientation.
Are able to deal with crises.
Have positive communication patterns.

5. Conflict and Love All couples experience conflict.
How conflicts are addressed and resolved depends on how secure mates feel in their relationship.

6. 10 Rules for a Successful Relationship
Express love verbally.
Be physically affectionate.
Express appreciation and admiration.

7. 10 Rules for a Successful Relationship
Share more about yourself with your partner than with any other person.
Offer each other emotional support.
Express your love materially.

8. 10 Rules for a Successful Relationship
Accept partner’s demands and put up with partner’s shortcomings.
Make time to be alone together.
Do not take the relationship for granted.
Do unto each other as you would have the other do unto you.

9. Side Affects of Avoiding Conflict
Anger “insteads” - substitute for dealing with emotions: overeating, depression, illness, etc.
Passive-aggression - express indirectly to avoid direct conflict: nagging, criticism, sarcasm.
Devitalized marriages

10. Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Research identified predictors of divorce:
Contempt
Criticism
Defensiveness
Stonewalling
Belligerence

11. Managing Conflict Be more gentle when raising complaints.
Help soothe spouse by communicating care and affection.
Learn self-soothing techniques.
Be willing to accept influence from spouse.
Do best to de-escalate arguments.

12. Tactics Used by Fight Evaders
Leaving the house or the scene when the fight threatens.
Turing sullen and refusing to argue or talk.
Derailing arguments “I can’t take it when you yell at me.”

13. Tactics Used by Fight Evaders
Stating “I can’t take you seriously when you act this way.”
Using the hit and run tactic of filing a complaint and leaving no time for a resolution.
Saying “okay, you win” without meaning it.

14. Bonding Fights - Nine Guidelines
Level with each other.
To avoid attacks, use I -statements when possible.
Avoid mixed, or double messages.
Choose the time and place carefully.

15. Bonding Fights - Nine Guidelines
Focus anger only on specific issues.
Ask for a specific change, but be open to compromise.
Be willing to change yourself.
Don’t try to win.
Remember to end the fight.

16. Quick Quiz

17. 1. The emotional bonding of family members is referred to as family
strength.
construction.
cohesion.
justice.

18. Answer: c
The emotional bonding of family members is referred to as family cohesion.

19. 2. When a person expresses anger at someone but does so indirectly rather than directly, that behavior is called.
authoritarianism.
displacement.
sabotage.
passive-aggression.

20. Answer: d
When a person expresses anger at someone but does so indirectly rather than directly, that behavior is called passive-aggression.

21. 3. Which of the following is NOT one of the “rules for a successful relationship,” as discussed in the text?
Be willing to challenge your partner’s demands and question his/her shortcomings.
Share more about yourself with your partner than you do with any other person.
Express your love materially.
Do not take your relationship for granted.

22. Answer: a
“Be willing to challenge your partner’s demands and question his/her shortcomings” is NOT one of the “rules for a successful relationship,” as discussed in the text.

23. 4. Contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling are all examples of what social psychologist John Gottman referred to as the
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
major threats to communication breakdown.
Four Riders of the Communication Barrier.
primary ingredients of impending divorce.

24. Answer: a
Contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling are all examples of what social psychologist John Gottman referred to as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.