1. Helping children to manage anger Sara Hitchens www.sarahitchens.counselling.co.uk

2. What are emotions? No definitive list but… Paul Eckman (1972) listed 6 basic emotions that he thought were hard-wired and universal: -Anger- Disgust -Fear- Surprise -Sadness -Joy

3. ANGER a misunderstood emotion It is a normal, healthy emotion It can mobilize us to make changes

4. Physiological response Anger gears up the body into fight mode

5. What is happening in the brain? Pre-frontal cortex – strategy/THINKING Limbic system – emotions/INSTINCTS Amygdala - receives incoming data, decides whether to send data to the limbic or cortex area Amygdala hijacking – physical and emotional alarm system activated, flood of hormones released leading to a surge of energy Thinking part of brain not engaged Some Amygdalas are more sensitive than others – some people have a short fuse !

6. It will often take over 20 minutes for hormonal releases to decrease in intensity – and cortex (thinking part of the brain) to re-engage!

7. So what can you do? o Be aware of your own anger triggers o Be aware what you are MODELLING o Give young people STRATEGIES for managing their anger.

8. What makes you angry? Feeling taken advantage of? Feeling as if your opinion or efforts aren't appreciated? Feeling that others should behave better? Injustice? Memories of enraging events?

9. Did you know? o We are rarely ever angry for the reasons we think. o Underneath many current angers are old disappointments, traumas, and triggers. o We are often angry when we didn't get what we needed as a child.

10. Did you know? o We become more angry when we are stressed and body resources are down o We often become angry when we see a trait in others we can't stand in ourselves.

11. How do you handle anger? EXPRESSION – CONVEYING YOUR ANGER? o Angry outbursts? o Violence – towards people or things? o Rational discussion?

12. SUPPRESSION – HOLDING ANGER IN? o Hurtful humour or sarcasm? o Gossip? o Refusing to comply? o Illness? o Chronic lateness? o Depression?

13. Calming down o Managing your outward behaviour o Letting your strong feelings subside o THINKING

14. Strategies for calming down TAKE A BREAK

15. Focus on your body Take some deep breaths Slowly count to ten Relax – try listening to music Stretch or massage areas of tension Exercise – releases pent-up energy

16. Constructive expression Stating concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them

17. TEACHING Constructive expression LISTEN attentively NAME the feelings CONNECT feeling with reasons PRAISE efforts to verbalize feelings

18. Only then… Offer alternative perspectives Teach problem solving skills

19. Practice makes perfect… TALK about anger TEACH importance of taking a break & ways to cool down TEACH constructive expression

20. Agree on what is not allowed Ensure consequences when they break rules

21. Conscious, reflective regulation of emotions develops kids who can handle the many feelings that a rich life brings…