1. Communicating for Positive Results Presented by Peninsula Conflict Resolution Center April 4, 2014

2. Communication challenging? 2

3. Tips for managing emotions Effective listening and speaking techniques Skills for eliciting underlying needs and interests A five-step process for resolving conflict Getting support Agenda 3

4. When a new seedling emerges, the first thing that comes up is dirt, then the perfectly formed sprout The first stages of a difficult conversation can feel emotionally messy The “dirt” signals that something transformative may happen Try to be present with the emotion and see it through “Dirt Precedes the Sprout” 4

5. Conflict is a disagreement between two or more people or groups about something that is important to them. Conflict 5

6. Conflict can escalate when there is an increase in emotion (anger, frustration, shame, fear) Conflict can de-escalate when emotions are acknowledged and validated Emotions and Conflict 6

7. Step back and take three deep breaths Cool-off from the immediate emotional heat Reflect on what triggered you Re-engage when you are calmer and can see the big picture Work to de-escalate the situation Tips for Managing Emotions 7

8. Active Listening Techniques: Attend Summarize -Rephrase -Reflect Clarify Validate Listening So People Can Talk 8

9. Rephrase (facts): Restate the major ideas that have been expressed Reflect (feelings): Describe the emotions you hear from the other person Summarize 9

10. Positions are what we say we want, often in the form of demands Needs and interests are the why, or the underlying reasons behind what we want It’s important to uncover needs and interests, so that what matters most can be addressed Positions vs. Interests 10

11. Ask clarifying questions to understand needs and interests Use open-ended questions: –Tell me more about… –What would you like to do about… –In what ways are you concerned about… –How does that impact/affect you? –What about that is important to you? Clarify 11

12. Respectfully acknowledge the speaker’s participation in the problem-solving process Even if nothing is resolved, express appreciation: “Thank you for taking the time to talk with me and trying to work something out.” Validate 12

13. Practice 13

14. About Non-blaming language Using “I messages” Avoiding “poison” words Speaking So People Can Listen 14

15. 1. Cool off 2. Define the problem 3. Find needs 4. Brainstorm solutions 5. Make a plan and go for it Steps to Resolve a Conflict 15

16. Prevention Support Intervention Getting Assistance 16

17. We covered: Tips for managing emotions Effective listening and speaking techniques Skills for eliciting underlying needs and interests A five-step process for resolving conflict Getting support Review 17

18. Questions 18