1. High School Version HOW TO AVOID FALLING FOR A JERK

2. Session 1 A Bird’s Eye View Of Healthy Relationships

3. Session 1: A Bird’s Eye View of Healthy Relationships 1. Warning Signs of Difficult Partners  Does it matter WHO you choose to marry? Why?  What does it mean that “love is blind”? Why do you think that this love is blind phenomenon happens?  What are some characteristics of a partner who is difficult to be with in a relationship? What are some common patterns of problematic behavior? Think about what makes someone difficult to be with in a relationship.  Jerks come in both MALE & FEMALE.  There is a difference between ACTING like a Jerk(ette) and BEING a Jerk(ette).  What is the difference between acting like a Jerk(ette) and being a Jerk(ette).

4. Session 1: A Bird’s Eye View of Healthy Relationships 2. Two Major Parts of a Relationship  What does each marriage partner bring from their past that will influence how they think, relate, and act in the marriage they create? “RELATIONSHIP ACTIVITIES & DYNAMICS” S T R U C T U R E “INDIVIDUAL CHARACTERISTICS” F O U N D A T I O N

5. Session 1: A Bird’s Eye View of Healthy Relationships 2. Two Major Parts of a Relationship F amily background A ttitudes & actions of conscience C ompatibility areas E xamples of other relationships S kills of communication  What are some of the “relationship activities” that couples engage in…like talking or depending on each other?

6. Session 1: A Bird’s Eye View of Healthy Relationships 3. The RAM: A Picture of a Relationship  The five bonds of love :  Know  Trust  Rely  Commit  Touch

7. R.A.M. Relationship Attachment Model

12. Session 1: A Bird’s Eye View of Healthy Relationships 4. Staying in the Safe Zone The “SAFE ZONE” for RELATIONSHIPS Never Allow One Level To Exceed The Previous

13. Session 1: A Bird’s Eye View of Healthy Relationships 4. Staying in the Safe Zone  Head To learn about the most important areas of yourself & your partner  Heart To learn about the five bonding dynamics in a relationship

14. Session 1: A Bird’s Eye View of Healthy Relationships  Formula for getting to know someone:  Knowledge (or intimacy) = Talk + Togetherness + Time

15. Session 1: A Bird’s Eye View of Healthy Relationships 5. Four Ingredients Necessary for Effective Change  What does it take to change? In other words, if you wanted to change some problem area of your life, what is one thing you would need to do to effectively move in a positive direction?  Insight  New information  Deliberate Effort  Practice over Time

16. Session 2 Exploring Family Background

17. Session 2: Exploring Family Background 1. Families Marry Families  What are some was that your family experiences influence your attitudes toward marriage?  What do you believe your roles are in marriage?  What do you expect from a marriage partner?

18. Session 2: Exploring Family Background 2. What You Learned About How to Show Emotions and Love a. Expressing Love and Affection  Describe how your family/home setting expresses affection. How has this affected you? How has it affected the way you relate to others?  How do you want affection to be shown in your marriage and family? What kind of family background, in your partner, would help accomplish this? b. Expressing Your Temper  What is your temper like? How is anger expressed in your home setting?

19. Session 2: Exploring Family Background  3. What You Learned About Family Roles  Job Description Husband or wife Mother or father

20. Session 2: Exploring Family Background  4. Remaking Your Family Mold  What do you want to repeat from your family?  What do you want to change from your family?  What do you want to add to your future family?

21. Session 3 Exploring Your Conscience

22. Session 3: Exploring Your Conscience  1. Defining the Conscience

23. Session 3: Exploring Your Conscience  2. Managing Your Attitudes and Actions  Your Personal Code  Your Impulse Controls

24. Session 3: Exploring Your Conscience  3. Transporting to Other Perspectives

25. Session 3: Exploring Your Conscience  4. Figuring Out The Conscience

26. Session 4 Exploring Your Compatibility Potential

27. Session 4: Exploring Your Compatibility Potential  1. Discovering Your Similarities and Differences  Why do opposites attract?

28. Session 4: Exploring Your Compatibility Potential  2. How Do Our Personalities Fit Together  3 areas of personality that are important to check out and consider your compatibility Emotional temperament Thinking style Sense of humor

29. Session 4: Exploring Your Compatibility Potential  3. How Do Our Values Fit Together?  3 areas of values that are important to be compatible on Spiritual values Family values Material values

30. Session 4: Exploring Your Compatibility Potential  4. How Do Our Lifestyles Fit Together?  The 3 areas of lifestyle compatibility Work Interests Recreation

31. Session 5 Exploring the Examples from Other Relationships

32. Session 5: Exploring the Examples from other Relationships  1. What Other Relationships Can Tell Your Relationship  3 basic reasons why someone has a drastic shift in their behavior after marriage

33. Session 5: Exploring the Examples from other Relationships  2. Three Groupings of Other Relationships  Peripheral Relationships Strangers  Meaningful Relationships Friends & Family  Romantic Relationships “Ex” Marks the Spot

34. Session 5: Exploring the Examples from other Relationships  3. The Detective Technique 4 rules for being a detective in your relationships Postpone conclusions until all is known The more you know the better Look at the person from the perspective of others Test your theories Beware of casting new characters to the same old script.

35. Session 5: Exploring the Examples from other Relationships  4. Cleaning Up Your Relationships  Identify a current relationship where you have conflict or tension  Identify one change (either attitude or action) you can make to improve this relationship  Set a specific goal to work on toward practicing this change

36. Session 6 Exploring Your Relationship Skills

37. Session 6: Exploring Your Relationship Skills  1. Communication  Two tasks involved in healthy communication Speaker skills Listener skills

38. Session 6: Exploring Your Relationship Skills  2. Four Tips for Communication  In a new relationship, beware of opening up too fast  Keep a balance between the amount of talking and listening you & your partner bring to the relationship  Put yourself in your partner’s perspective  Make sure your body language shows that you are listening

39. Session 6: Exploring Your Relationship Skills  3. Conflict Resolution: Having the Right Attitude  5 attitudes essential to conflict resolution Mutual Assertiveness: let each other know what you think (avoid fishing) Mutual Respect: “you have a point that I should consider” Humility: know when to admit you are at fault (are they really listening or just waiting to jump in and make their point?) Willing to Forgive: a partner who is quick to let go Resiliency to Bounce Back: their emotions reset fairly quickly so that conflicts do not pile up

40. Session 6: Exploring Your Relationship Skills  4. Types of Conflict Resolvers Affirmers Avoiders Attackers

41. Session 7 Why is it that “Expectations Lead to Disappointment?”

42. Session 7: Why is it that “Expectations Lead to Disappointment?”  1. What is “Trust”

43. Session 7: Why is it that “Expectations Lead to Disappointment?”  F.A.C.E.S:  F amily background  A ttitudes & actions of conscience  C ompatibility areas  E xamples of other relationships  S kills of communication

44. Session 7: Why is it that “Expectations Lead to Disappointment?”  2. Filling in the Gaps

45. Session 7: Why is it that “Expectations Lead to Disappointment?”  3. Trust is Earned  Three files you pull from when forming an opinion of someone

46. Session 7: Why is it that “Expectations Lead to Disappointment?” Developing Trust: Sculpting an Opinion of your Partner

47. Session 7: Why is it that “Expectations Lead to Disappointment?”  4. Characteristics of a Trustworthy Person  M ature  A daptable  R elationship skills  R esponsible  I nner confidence  A nger management  G racious  E motionally stable

48. Session 7: Why is it that “Expectations Lead to Disappointment?”  5. Four Steps for How to PACE Trust  P articipate  A nticipate  C ooperate  E valuate

49. Session 8 Meeting Each Others’ Needs

50. Session 8: Meeting Each Others’ Needs  1. The Challenge of Differences

51. Session 8: Meeting Each Others’ Needs  2. The Give and Take of Love  The Golden Rule for how to treat each other in a marriage “Treat each other as THE OTHER would like to be treated”

52. Session 8: Meeting Each Others’ Needs  3. Growing Through Giving  Marriage is designed to make both partners better than what they would be on their own

53. Session 8: Meeting Each Others’ Needs  4. Why You Keep Making Mistakes in Relationships  Believers and deceivers  Takers and caretakers

54. Session 8: Meeting Each Others’ Needs  5. Healthy People Choose Healthy Partners

55. Session 9 Developing a Commitment

56. Session 9: Developing a Commitment  1. Defining Commitment

57. Session 9: Developing a Commitment

60.  2. The HEART of Commitment

61. Session 9: Developing a Commitment  3. Enduring or Entrapping

62. Session 9: Developing a Commitment  4. The STRUCTURE of Commitment

63. Session 9: Developing a Commitment  5. Believing in Marriage

64. Session 10 Putting the Horse Before the Cart

65. Session 10: Putting the Horse Before the Cart  1. Two Common Sexual Trends  Relational Sex: typically involves two people who are attracted to each other, build a relationship, and become sexually involved within that relationship  Recreational Sex: or “hooking up” this trend is based on the belief that sex does not have to only occur in relationships – it can also be a fun and pleasurable activity of simply being single This requires no commitment beyond the sexual encounter This practice is based on the belief that sex can take place without any emotional involvement

66. Session 10: Putting the Horse Before the Cart STDs are Common  HIV: 900,000 Americans (NIAID, quarter are unaware)  AIDS: 900,000 Americans (NIAID, quarter are unaware)  Genital herpes: 67 million people (NIAID)  Human Papillomavirus: 20 million Americans currently infected (NIAID; CDC 2001)  Cytomegalovirus: 50% approximately; almost half of young adults (NIAID)  Bacterial vaginosis: 16% of pregnant women (DSTD)  Hepatitis B: estimated 1.5 million HBV carriers in the U.S. (NWHIC); 417,000 people currently infected (CDC 2001)

67. Session 10: Putting the Horse Before the Cart  2. Sex is Bonding  Sex causes an emotional bond  Sex causes a relationship bond  Sex causes a physical bond

68. Session 10: Putting the Horse Before the Cart  3. Do You Do As You Believe (or believe as you do)?  “The things I do in my relationship today will affect my future marriage” 83% of people on a national survey agreed However, when interviewed, their actions contradicted this belief  When you don’t practice what you believe, you end up resolving the tension by changing those very beliefs, clouding them with rationalizations

69. Session 10: Putting the Horse Before the Cart  4. Waiting in Dating Can Improve Your Present Judgment  The values you use influence the partner you choose

70. Session 10: Putting the Horse Before the Cart  5. Waiting in Dating Can Improve Your Relationship in Marriage