1. A Few Tips for Diffusing Disputes Presented by Judith Stilz Ogden, J.D., LL.M. MST College of Business http://faculty.clayton.edu/jogdenhttp://faculty.clayton.edu/jogden judithogden@clayton.edu.judithogden@clayton.edu

2. What kind of disputes are college students likely to experience?

3. What kind of disputes are students likely to experience? Roommates Clubs and organizations Friends and significant others Classmates Professors University departments Family

4. Is there something different about college disputes? What causes them?

5. 1. Competitive Environment 2. Diversity 3. Non-Academic 4. Academic Discourse

6. “Conflict is inevitable in higher education, where academic freedom is revered and free thinking is encouraged. It is vital that we understand the conflicts that occur in higher education, and that we learn to deal effectively with them. Lack of understanding of conflict leads to inability to cope with it.” [Susan A. Holden]

7. Other causes We like to be right. We feel threatened by differences We think our way is the best

8. 12 TIPS FOR DIFFUSING DISPUTES Identify the root of the conflict Address the conflict quickly and effectively Listen. Listen. Listen. Respect their perspective. Suspend judgment Avoid blame Criticize the issue or the behavior, not the person.

9. 12 TIPS FOR DIFFUSING DISPUTES Avoid absolutes: right/wrong, good/bad, you always, you never... Paraphrase Reframe (change the view of) the conflict Use "I" Messages Be willing to be wrong. Take responsibility for your actions Model respectful behavior. Treat People in an adult manner even if their behavior is childish.

10. A Typical Problem

11. Identify the root of the conflict Its important to consider the impact of your conduct on others Sometimes the issue is about something other than that which makes you angry Ask clarifying and open-ended questions.

12. What is this dispute about? How would you make this determination?

13. Address the conflict quickly and effectively Don’t ignore the problem. It won’t go away. Prompt action demonstrates to the other side that you take the matter seriously.

14. Listen. Listen. Listen. Important to understand the other side’s story Good listening is helpful in and of itself Builds trust and rapport Deescalates/calms Creates clarity Listening is a precursor to problem- solving Feels like a “gift”--everyone wants to be heard

15. What might happen if Robin and Morgan actually listen to each other?

16. Respect their perspective. Suspend judgment We see things differently. We have different information. It’s not just about us.

17. Avoid blame Avoid blame Backward looking During the argument Robin tells Morgan, “The problem is that you didn’t submit your part on time.”

18. Criticize the issue or the behavior, not the person. Don’t dredge up ancient history Don’t make this a personal attack

19. Avoid absolutes: right/wrong, good/bad, you always, you never... Impedes communication. Polarizes. Focus is not on solving the problem.

20. Robin and Morgan have always had trouble working together. Robin tells Morgan, “You always do this. You never do your share of the work.” Does this help? What if it is true?

21. Paraphrase Restate the concerns of the other side ◦Lets speaker know s/he has been heard and understood ◦Receiver makes sure s/he gets it right ◦Gives the speaker an opportunity to assess the message and to modify it

22. Morgan has to work to get through school, and help support his/her disabled mother. S/he is frequently called into work at the last minute. This is something Robin should understand, and to demonstrate that s/he does, Robin should paraphrase while listening to Morgan’s story.

23. Reframe (change the view of) the conflict Redirecting, limiting, or shaping the perception of a message so that it is more constructive Choosing a positive interpretation

24. Reframing position to interest Reframing a problem to an opportunity Reframing a weakness as a strength Reframing a blame to a need Reframing a past to a future Reframing an individual problem to a shared problem REFRAMING

25. Example of Reframing “You are not telling the truth.” Reframe: “I am confused by what you are saying because I am hearing one thing from you and another from the other party.”

26. How could this dispute be reframed?

27. Use "I" Messages Send I messages instead of You. Do not make unnecessary accusatory remarks that will only add more fuel to the fire. Avoid using "you" while trying to express personal feelings. For example: Instead of saying, “You don’t know what you are talking about,” say instead, ”I don't understand.” What kind of “I” messages could Robin send?

28. Be willing to be wrong. Take responsibility for your actions. People become annoyed if you cannot own up to your actions. Is there anything for which Robin could take responsibility?

29. Model respectful behavior. Treat people in an adult manner even if their behavior is childish. Don’t humiliate. Acknowledge their feelings. Keep your voice calm. Manage your own reactions.

30. What solutions would you recommend?

31. CAMPUS MEDIATION Mediation is often referred to as being assisted negotiation. It is a voluntary process in which parties attempt to resolve a dispute with the help of a neutral 3 rd party called a mediator. The mediator is not a judge and does not decide who is right.

32. MEDIATION TRAINING Tentative Schedule September 6-all day September 7-morning Location TBD Can contact me or Office of Community Standards, Phone: (678) 466-5444 StudentConduct@mail.clayton.edu if you are interested in attending. StudentConduct@mail.clayton.edu

33. PEER MEDIATION The Office of Student Conduct has established a peer mediation program for students interested in helping their peers overcome conflict. The Student Peer Mediator is trained and certified to serve as a mediator at Clayton State University. The Peer Mediator assists both parties in expressing their feelings and developing solutions in order to reach a mutual agreement.

34. PEER MEDIATION If you are interested in serving the Clayton State University community as a Peer Mediator, contact the Office of Student Conduct by phone or email. Office of Community Standards University Center 250 Phone: (678) 466-5444 StudentConduct@mail.clayton.edu StudentConduct@mail.clayton.edu Peer Mediators are provided with a certificate of training and are para-professional members of the Office of Student Conduct.

35. MEDIATION TOURNAMENTS INTERNATIONAL ACADEMY of DISPUTE RESOLUTION INTERNATIONAL ACADEMY of DISPUTE RESOLUTION

36. MEDIATION TOURNAMENTS Brenau Regional Mock Mediation Tournament October 4 & 5, 2013

37. FIRST PLACE MEDIATOR

38. A TOP ADVOCACY TEAM

39. SECOND PLACE PEACEMAKER AWARD- Georgia State Tournament

40. Organizational Meeting for Mock Mediation Tournaments: ◦August 20, 2013 at 5:00 pm in UC 424