1. Settling Sibling Squabbles Dawnita S. Nilles NDSU Extension Agent/Family Resource Coordinator NDSU Extension Service and Region IV, CSCC Serving families in the Counties of Grand Forks, Nelson, Pembina & Walsh

2. Why do Children Fight?  Space  Possessions  Achievements  Individual Identities  Parental Love  Attention

3. Settling Sibling Squabbles  Children will learn more.  If you step in, it usually means blaming someone-- most often the older child.  Forces kids to find a solution themselves. Difficult as it may be, it is best to intervene as little as possible. Here’s why:

4. Level I: Normal Bickering  Keep telling yourself the children are having an important experience in conflict resolution

5. Level II: Situation is heating up  Acknowledge their anger  Reflect each child’s point of view  Describe the problem with respect  Express confidence in the children’s ability to find a mutually agreeable solution  Leave the room

6. Level III: Possible danger  Inquire  Let them know  If the playing is too rough for you

7. Level IV: Definite Danger  Describe what’s going on  Separate the children

8. Reducing Sibling Rivalry  give attention to each child  set rules or limits  appreciate differences and avoid comparisons  treat each child uniquely  give children time to play apart  expect kids to share when appropriate  temper the amount of parent-initiated competition  be a positive role model  don’t always allow the younger child to “win”

9. Overall Tips for Dealing With Sibling Squabbles  set clearly defined rules for behavior  teach children how to settle disputes without quarreling  use humor  remember: it’s alright to be angry  establish privacy areas

10. Remember: Fair Does Not Mean Equal  focus on individual needs  show children they’re all loved uniquely  give time in terms of need  focus on feelings