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CHAPTER 12 Communication in Families and at Work Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Section 1 COMMUNICATION IN FAMILIES Interplay Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc..
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What is a family? Family (Galvin): System with two or more interdependent people who have a common history and a present reality, and who expect to influence each other in the future. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Section 2 TYPES OF FAMILY COMMUNICATION Interplay Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Avoidance (Lose-Lose) Avoidance: When people nonassertively ignore or stay away from conflict. Pessimistic attitude about conflict. Avoiders put up with the status quo. Leads to unsatisfying relationships. Avoidance can help when: risk of speaking up is too great when the conflict isn’t worth the effort when the issue is temporary Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Spouses/Partners Three couple types (Fitzpatrick) Independents Physically close; psychologically distant. Don’t avoid conflict Low marital satisfaction/affection Separates Individual freedom Conflict-avoidant Low marital satisfaction/affection Traditionals Interdependence Avoid conflict High marital satisfaction, affection Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Spouses/Partners 20% traditionals 18% separates 22% independents 40% mixed Traditional partners: Highest marital satisfaction; greater fulfillment of expression Mixed couples similar. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Spouses/Partners Gender role Feminine communication High expressiveness, low instrumentality Masculine communication Instrumental, task-related topic; low in emotional content Androgynous communication High in emotional and instrumental messages Undifferentiated communication Low instrumentality/ expressiveness Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Spouses/Partners Research Study of 200 couples Gender-typed pairs: Lower level of satisfaction than androgynous pairs Lowest level of love and satisfaction: stereotypical feminine and masculine relationships Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Parent/Child Daily tasks in the household jump from 6 to 36 after child’s birth. Patterns of interaction Communication becomes more complicated with arrival of the first child. Three different dyads occur Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Parent/Child Managing the connection-autonomy dialect “Hold me tight.” “Put me down.” “Leave me alone.” Vacillates at different stages of growth. After children are “launched,” couples have to re-negotiate their “couple-ness.” Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Siblings Communication strategies Confirmation Humor Social support Escape Three dimensions of interaction explain sibling communication Affection Hostility Rivalry Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Siblings Siblings offer vital support through life. Sharing tasks Expressing positivity Offering assurances Talking about family, reminiscing about childhood Sharing stories … all help clarify family events and validate feelings and life choices Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Section 3 ELEMENTS OF FAMILY COMMUNICATION Interplay Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Families as Communication Systems Family members are interdependent A family is more than the sum of its parts Families have systems within the larger system Family systems are affected by their environment Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Roles Role are based on kinship. Kinship role is culturally- based Functional roles: who doe what within the family Social roles: harmonizer, problem solver, tension reliever, etc. Role expectations are conveyed through communication Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Family Narratives Narratives Reaffirm family’s identity by reinforcing shared goals Teach moral values Stress family concerns Reflect how members feel about each other Reflect how to operate in the world Dysfunctional families can be united by a shared narrative. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Models for Other Relationships Experiences in our family of origin share the way we communicate throughout life. Research: Levels of hostility and positive engagement at 14 linked with same 17 years later Culturally-based North America: Emotional support and loyalty comes from a limited number of people; children more self-reliant Mexico, Latin America, Africa, Asia Support and loyalty extend beyond immediate family. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Communication Rules Families have many rules governing communication among members and with outsiders. Who may speak or to whom How one speaks Topic of conversation Maintaining openness- closeness dialect difficult in stepfamilies Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Communication Rules Fitzpatrick & Koerner: Conversation orientation Degree to which families favor an open climate of discussion of a wide array of topics High: Frequent, free interaction, spontaneous, without limitations. Low: Less exchange of private thoughts. Conformity orientation Degree to which family communication stresses uniformity of attitudes, values, beliefs. High: Seek harmony, conflict avoidance, interdependence, obedience; hierarchical; conflict is avoiding and obliging. Low: Individuality, interdependence, equality; individual growth encouraged. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Communication Rules Families high in conversation orientation/conformity orientation families: consensual Communication reflects tension between pressure to agree and preserve the hierarchy and interest in open communication and exploration. Families high in conversation orientation and low in conformity: pluralistic Open, unrestrained communication; contributions evaluated on own merits. Families low in conversation orientation/high in conformity orientation: Protective Communication reflects obedience to authority; reluctance to share thoughts, feelings. Families low in conversation orientation and conformity orientation: laissez-faire Lack of involvement, emotionally divorced, decision-making is individual. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Section 4 EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION IN FAMILIES Interplay Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Strive for Closeness While Respecting Boundaries Too much cohesion can be a problem Enmeshed: Too much consensus, too little independence Disengaged Disconnected, limited attachment/ commitment Creating boundaries Physical Conversational Emotions Handling of topics Define boundaries Requires open negotiation; happen through trial and error Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Strive for a Moderate Level of Adaptability Adaptability too high: Chaotic family Adaptability too low: Rigid family Avoidance of extremes dictates functionality Families function best with moderate levels Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Encourage Confirming Messages Confirming behaviors of mothers Telling children they are unique and valuable as human beings Genuinely listening to children when told something of importance Disconfirming behaviors Belittling children Making statements that communicate their ideas don’t count Adolescents who receive confirmation are more open communicators. Gottman: Couples should have an appropriate ratio of positive- to-negative messages (5:1). Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Deal Constructively with Conflict Beware of destructive conflict: Physical or verbal aggression Family conflict should be dealt with Unresolved conflict creates tensions Key is how the conflict is dealt with: Don’t sweat the small stuff Focus on manageable issues Share appreciations and gripes Seek win-win solutions Research: Positive conflict standards are good predictors of family satisfaction. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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END OF SECTION CHAPTER CONTINUES WITH PART TWO Interplay Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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