1. IMPROVING INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

2. Communication Climate
The emotional feelings that are present when people interact with one another
Communication climates are metaphors for the feelings we have when interacting with others
Possible relational climates:
-stormy
-cold
-sunny
-warm

3. How is communication climate determined?
By how communicators speak and act toward one another
By how much communicators feel that they are valued by the other person
The way another person treats us is often an indicator for how they feel toward us
We interpret other’s behaviors in order to determine how important we are to them

4. Confirming responses
Messages that tell you that you are valued by the other person
Examples of confirming messages:
“you matter to me”
“you are special”
Confirming messages may be displayed verbally or nonverbally

5. Three types of confirming messages
Recognition- showing recognition of another person’s presence
Acknowledgment- to recognize and validate another’s ideas and feelings
Endorsement- recognizing another’s ideas and feelings and showing agreement for them.

6. Disconfirming responses
Messages that deny the values of another person
May take the form of disagreeing with or ignoring another person’s message

7. How Do Communication Climates Develop?
Climates begin as soon as two people begin to communicate
The type of messages sent will determine if the climate will be good or bad
Verbal and nonverbal messages contribute to the feel of the climate
They develop according to communicators responses to one another

8. Self-perpetuating Spirals
A spiral takes place when communicators reciprocate and build upon the messages that are sent to one another
Each person’s message reinforces the other’s message
Communicators build on one another’s messages
There are positive and negative spirals

9. Two types of conflict spirals
Escalatory conflict spirals- one attack leads to another attack, and continues to build
De-escalatory conflict spirals- when communicators decrease amount of involvement with communication by continued withdraw

10. The Gibb Categories for Defensive and Supportive Behaviors
list of six pairs of contrasting messages that may either lead to confirming or disconfirming messages
Using confirming messages and avoiding disconfirming messages encourages positive relationships

11. Gibb’s six pairs of Defensive and Supportive behaviors:
Defensive Supportive
Evaluation vs Description
Control vs Problem Orientation
Strategy vs Spontaneity
Neutrality vs Empathy
Superiority vs Equality
Certainty vs Provisionalism

12. Evaluation vs. Description

13. Evaluative Communication
statements that come across as judgmental
Often involve an accusatory tone
“you” statements
Put the other person on the defense

14. Descriptive communication
focuses on the thoughts and feelings of the speaker instead of judging the listener
Describe how the other person’s behavior has effected him or her, rather than just judging it
Often involve “I” statements

15. Control vs. Problem Orientation
Control- when sender tries to impose a solution on the receiver with little regard of how that person feels
Problem orientation- involves both communicators seeking a solution that is equally satisfying

16. Strategy vs. Spontaneity
Strategy- involves the use of manipulation in order to get someone to behave a certain way
Spontaneity- the use of honesty to get others to behave a certain way

17. Neutrality vs. Empathy
Neutrality- a neutral attitude shows a lack of concern for the other
Empathy- showing an understanding for what the other person is going through

18. Superiority vs. Equality
Superiority- when people act as is they are better than others
Equality- when people behave as though they are equal to everyone else

19. Certainty vs. Provisionalism
Certainty- messages that tell the receiver that the sender’s mind is already made up
-not open to suggestion
Provisionalism- willing to acknowledge other points of view even if they feel they have already made up their mind
- involves keeping an open mind

20. ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR
Enables an individual to act in his or her best interests without denying or infringing upon the rights of others
Allows people to speak their minds without hurting or threatening others
Allows people to express anger or disappointment without acting aggressively

21. Four characteristics of assertive communicators
1. They are open about their feelings
2. They are not anxious, they deal with stressful situations calmly
3. They are contentious, they stand up and argue for their rights, even if this might entail a certain disagreement or conflict
4. They are not intimidated and are not easily persuaded by others

22. PRINCIPLES FOR INCREASING ASSERTIVENESS
Analyze the assertive behavior of others
Analyze your own behaviors
Record your behaviors
Rehearse assertive behaviors
Act on it, respond assertively when given the chance

23. Five characteristics of an assertive message
1. Behavioral description
2. Your interpretation of the other’s behavior
3. A description of your feelings
4. A description of the consequences
5. A statement of your intentions

24. CONFLICT
“Expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce rewards, and interference from the other parties in achieving their goals.”

25. Expressed struggle…
Showing unhappiness or disappointment about a situation verbally or nonverbally
Both parties must be aware that a conflict exists in order to be in conflict

26. Perceived incompatible goals…
Conflicts usually appear to be win-lose.
Those in conflict often assume that only one person can win ( so he or she fights to be the winner)
Although conflicts may appear to be win-lose there is often a win-win solution available

27. Perceived scarce rewards…
Conflicts usually come about because partners believe there isn’t enough of something to go around. (i.e. money, food, love, jobs, time, etc.)

28. Interdependence
In one way or another those in conflict are dependent upon each other for something
If both parties did not need one another they would not be motivated to pursue the conflict

29. Three types of conflict
WIN-LOSE- one person wins the battle and one person looses (one party leaves satisfied, while the other leaves dissatisfied)
LOSE-LOSE- both parties lose (both parties leave with a feeling of dissatisfaction)
Compromise- a type of lose-lose conflict, both parties give in and leave dissatisfied
WIN-WIN-both parties win (both parties leave with a feeling of satisfaction)

30. STEPS IN CREATEING A WIN-WIN CONFLICT
1. Identify your problem and unmet needs
2. Set a specific time to deal with conflict (one that puts both parties in a positive climate)
3. Describe problem and needs
4. Check back with other, in order to ensure understanding
5. Ask other what his or her needs are
6. Paraphrase to make sure you understood
7. Negotiate a solution
8. Follow up on solution that was decided upon

31. NEGOTIATE A SOLUTION 1. Identify and define conflict
2. Generate a number of possible solutions together
3. Evaluate the alternative solutions together
4. Decide on the best solutions together

32. IN CONCLUSION
WE CAN ALL BE BETTER AT DEALING WITH CONFLICT WITH A LITTLE KNOWLEDGE AND A LOT OF PRACTICE