1. On Day One Why Self-Control, Rapport Building, and De-escalation Really Matters April 15, 2013 Anthony Clark, MSW, ACSW, LCSW

2. Objectives: Illustrate self-control practices that promote a healthy rapport when engaging at-risk students Learn essential skills to using positive verbal and non-verbal intervention techniques to manage aggressive incidents Discuss strategies & ways of responding to escalating behavior sequences

3. SELF CONTROL Sit DOWN!

4. T.A.C.O.S. If the goal is to keep control, DO NOT: Threaten the student Argue or contradict the student Challenge the student Order or command student Shame or disrespect the student

5. Maintaining Self-Control Probably the most important part of self-control is to KEEP CALM! Rationale: Children need role models of adults who are able to handle their own feelings. It gives the child a sense of security to know that even though he/she may be out of control, the adult can maintain his/her own self control.

6. Remember: Solid Object Relationship Model Calm Confident Centered / Non-reactive Focused Allow CONNECTION to take place

7. Making that CONNECTION  Listen – Allow to vent their thoughts and feelings  Accept- The validity of the feeling, if not the behavior.  Focus- On one issue at a time.  Encourage- Assertive rather than aggressive  Offer- Alternatives actions student can take including inappropriate actions and corresponding consequences.  Contract- agree on a course of action, don’t make promises you can’t keep!

8. Norman Vincent Peale “The cyclone derives its powers from a calm center. So does a person.”

9. Building Rapport It’s hard to like YOU!

10. 4 Tips To Establishing Rapport Be genuine (this means operating from the heart and not the brain) Like them unconditionally (you can't fake rapport; for rapport to be genuinely felt, you have to make your mind up to like the other person unconditionally). Pace them (means moving at the same speed and rhythm as the student). Find something in common (It can be anything from sharing a pastime to having a common experience, past or present).

11. Rapport Building Techniques Demonstrate empathy, warmth, respect, and genuineness. Be consistent and persistent and follow through. Meet a concrete need(s) of the student. Highlight strengths, no matter how small. Be flexible. Use interpersonal skills effectively (e.g., nonverbal skills, strategic use of questions, summarizations, etc.) Give the student a sense of control (e.g., involve the student in managing his/her homework) Acknowledge difficult feelings and encourage open and honest discussion of feelings (you or another). Ask for the student’s perspective of a problem.

12. Go AWAY! Verbal & Non-Verbal Techniques

13. Communication Facts 93% of communication is no-verbal You must hear something 3 times before remembering it. When hearing a contradictive message we have a tendency to believe the non-verbal hints we receive. Touch is the most direct form of communication. For this reason, it could also be seen as a threat. 65% of what we learn about another person when communicating is by observing non-verbal body language. 83% of adults learn visually 7% of communication is what you say (words), 38% is how you say it, and 55% is body movement

14. “YOU” Statements / Messages “You” Statements conveys judgment and more often than not sound like accusation and blame. Can close down communication lines. Example s: “Why don’t you ever listen? “You just don’t understand! “Why are you always late? “You must study or you won’t pass. “You are not trying!

15. Verbal Technique using Indirect Direction and “I” Statements Indirect Direction involves suggesting a course of action without directing the individual’s behavior. Example “Sometimes it’s hard to ignore negative behavior.” “I” statement s are used to voice your feelings and wishes from a personal position without expressing a judgment about the other person or blaming one's feelings on them. Example “For your safety and that of others, “I” would appreciate it if you remain in your seat and not react negatively to what you just heard.”

16. Verbal Technique Using “I Noticed” and “We” statements Use “I noticed” Statement to correct or address behavior of concern that could escalates into a major problem. Example “I noticed by your use of profanity that something is troubling you.” Use “We” Statement to focus on the group rather than singling out the individual. It projects a common goal, group interest and unity. Example “I need everyone to take a seat before WE can get going.”

17. Non - Verbal Communication Facial Expression Gestures Para-linguistics (i.e., tone, pitch, rate of speech) Body Language and Posture Proxemics (i.e., spacing) Eye Gaze Haptics (i.e., touch) Appearance

18. Non-Verbal Techniques & Strategies Clock stare: Stand still and stare at the clock and wait patiently and calmly until they stop talking (do not cross your arms). When there is silence, calmly say "You have just wasted 3,4,5, etc., minutes time. It is to be made up at ___”. The 5 second stare: When teaching and a student is talking, stop talking, even in mid-sentence, wait patiently staring at the student while counting to five (to yourself), and then continue teaching the lesson (stare at them, not through them - most effective). Hold up your hand to "STOP" students from talking

19. Non-Verbal Techniques & Strategies Put your index finger to your mouth (for "Shhh") to make student(s) quiet. Nod your head to indicate "NO", to stop them from doing something wrong and then smile and nod “YES" after they stop. Shrug your shoulders and hand gesture to ask "What are you doing?". Point in the direction you want a student to go to or look at. Circulate around the room as you teach (when applicable)- you're not glued to the front of the class - too hypnotizing.

20. Verbal De-escalation Techniques Don’t you yell at me!

21. Strategies & Techniques to Deflecting Verbal Abuse and Aggression Fogging Technique consists of finding some limited truth to agree with in what an antagonist is saying. More specifically one can agree in part or agree in principle. Tactical Agreement (What is it we both want?) Example Statement: “You want to return to class and I don’t want you removed again. Let’s agree on a course of action.” Broken Record Technique consists of simply repeating your requests every time you are met with illegitimate resistance.

22. Use HUMOR to defuse a difficult situation. Using a light approach can often deflect a power struggle that may deteriorate into aggression. (USE CAUTIOUSLY) A Boring Baroque Response involves providing an in- depth explanation (on self) in response to a verbally abusive question or comment. (USE CAUSTIOUSLY) Strip Word Strategy involve repeating a word to yourself many times until it loses its effect (operates on premise that repetition of a word strips away its meaning after time).

23. Go AWAY! Action Plan

24. Understanding how verbal & non-verbal techniques can help manage aggression is usually not enough to prevent it, therefore having a PLAN may prove vital. Try to avoid direct confrontation. Keep matters as simple as possible. Recognize when situation is escalating to aggression so that you can alter your approach, if necessary. The better you know the individual, the less likely problem situation will develop. When possible, allow the individual to verbally express anger and use calming techniques (e.g., empathy, reassurance).

25. 3 Simple Rules of Engagement Appeal to healthy component of student Avoid responding emotionally to provocation (Don’t let your ego get in the way, you’re the SOLID OBJECT). Find a positive in student before a crisis

26. Lastly…don’t forget your TOOL BOX praise selective ignoring time-out consequences motivators reminders negotiation withdrawing privileges humor

27. Questions/Comments