1. Communication Family Life Certification Module #7

2. Communication The woman at the well (John 4:4-26) The rich young ruler (Luke 18:18-25) 3.Zacchaeus (Luke 19:1-9) Nicodemus at night (John 3:1-15)

3. Communication Level One Cliché No depth Meaningless greetings Have you eaten? How are you? No processing or analyzing Just for courtesy when meeting others No intimacy

4. Communication Level Two Reporting Sharing facts News Topics of interest

5. Communication Level Three My opinions and point of view That was such an uplifting testimony! I consider that a lame excuse. You made an excellent point during the discussion. Your essay was the best in the whole class. Watch the way you spoil your baby! If you continue in this way, you will soon be the top engineer of my company.

6. Communication Level Four My Feelings I’m disappointed because you failed the exam I’m so happy that I could burst. I’m absolutely satisfied with your work. More revealing of self First level of a more intimate conversation Shared between close friends, married couples, parents and children, employer-employee

7. Communication Level Five Deep, Intimate Communication Possible between spouses Between parents & children Bares the feelings in an attempt to understand the other person Deeper communication that is possible because of shared relationships, memories and experiences

8. Communication Good Communication means: Sharing thoughts and feelings Expressing your love Clearly stating your intentions Listening and responding correctly

9. Communication Communication Tips Avoid Never Always Avoid indirect and non-specific conversation Be direct (esp women) Say what you mean Take turns talking and listening in order to have an enjoyable conversation; don’t interrupt Don’t use the silent treatment

10. Communication Communication Tips Avoid criticism and negative talk Focus on encouraging talk Parents need to learn this #1 skill in building confidence of children Maintain good eye contact Shifty eyes denote lack of interest/dishonesty Anger/broken relationship If you don’t understand or think the other person does not understand you, clarify and paraphrase Set aside time for communication and work on it— it’s worth it!

11. Communication Communication Principles Lag Time Congruence Interpersonal Gap

12. Communication Principles to Understand and Use Information 4. Body Language  Openness  Defensiveness  Evaluation  Suspicion  Insecurity  Cooperation  Confidence  Nervousness  Frustration

13. Communication 5. The Cry for Help 6. Listening Techniques  ASK the right questions  DO NOT pry  DO NOT be afraid of silence

14. CommunicationWAYS OF RESPONDING  Evaluating -- deciding whether right or wrong  Eh, there’s nothing wrong with you!  No need to cry; remember, you are a man and men don’t cry!

15. CommunicationWAYS OF RESPONDING  Evaluating -- deciding whether right or wrong  So, what are you going to do about it?  Let me tell you what the real problem is.  This is what you should do.

16. CommunicationWAYS OF RESPONDING  Evaluating -- deciding whether right or wrong  A lot of people go through this same thing.  Never mind, just forget all about it.  This is God’s will.

17. Communication WAYS OF RESPONDING  Hollow listening: listening WITHOUT responding  No evaluation  Pay attention  Indicate involvement by nodding head or saying “uh-huh”, “yes”

18. Communication WAYS OF RESPONDING  Hollow listening: listening WITHOUT responding  Sometimes say “I understand” or “I think I understand”

19. Communication Ways of Responding Evaluating (deciding whether right or wrong) Hollow listening (listening without responding)

20. Communication WAYS OF RESPONDING  Responding with understanding  Listen to the total communication  words  non-verbal (body language)  tone and other cues

21. Communication WAYS OF RESPONDING  Responding with understanding  Try to understand  The personality  The background  The current mood or needs of the person  Try to identify the feelings of the person

22. Communication CHECK FEELINGS Happy Sad

23. Communication Angry Contented

24. Communication WAYS OF RESPONDING  Responding with understanding  Express understanding of the feelings  Respond by showing understanding from that person’s point of view and NOT by evaluating

25. Communication Formula for Responding with Understanding You feel ___________ (insert a “feeling” word) because __________ (insert the person’s experience)

26. Communication Ways of Responding Evaluating (deciding whether right or wrong) Hollow Listening (listening without responding) Responding with Understanding

27. Communication REVIEW  Responding with understanding involves Listening to the total communication Trying to understand the personality, background and needs of the person Identifying feelings behind what the person is saying Expressing understanding of the feelings Responding by showing understanding from that person’s point of view and NOT by evaluating

28. Communication At the heart of a good marriage is its communication system