1. Tests of Trust

2. Requesting information (can you understand and help me?) “Have you ever worked with anyone else who seems as mixed us as I am? Unhelpful –“Yes, all the time” / “No, not to often” – “Once in a while” / “Oh you’re not that mixes up? Helpful “Many people I work with often come in feeling confused and overwhelmed. I’m also wondering whether you want to know that I have the experience to help you.”

3. Telling a secret (can I be vulnerable with you?) I’ve never been able to tell anyone about this- not even my husband or my priest. But I did have an abortion several years ago. I just was not ready to be a good and loving mother.” Unhelpful –“Oh, an abortion – really?” –“You haven’t even told your husband even though it might be his child too Helpful –“What you’re sharing with me now is our secret, something between you and me”

4. Asking a favor (are you reliable?) “Could you bring this information (or book) in for me next week?” Unhelpful –Promises to do it but forgets altogether or does not do it when specified Helpful –Promises to do it and does it when promised

5. Putting oneself down (can you accept me?) “I just couldn’t take all the pressure from the constant travel, the competition, the need to always win and be number one. When they offered me the uppers, it seemed like the easiest thing to cope with all this. Now I need more and more of the stuff” Unhelpful –“Don’t you know you could hurt yourself if you keep doing on like this?” –“You’ll get hurt from this – is it really a smart thing to do?” Helpful –“The pressure has gotten so intense it’s hard to find a way out from under it”

6. Inconveniencing the counselor (do you have consistent limits?) “Can I use your phone again before we get started?" Unhelpful –“Of course, go ahead – feel free any time” –“Absolutely not” Helpful –“Marc, the last two times I’ve seen you, you have started the session by asking to use my phone. When this happens, you and I don’t have the full time to use for counseling. Would it be possible for you to make these calls before our session starts, or do we need to change out appointment time.”

7. Questioning the counselor’s motives (is your caring real?) “I don’t see how you have the energy to see me at the end of the day like this. You must be exhausted after seeing all the other people with problems, too.” Unhelpful – “Oh, no, I’m really not.” –“Yes, I’m pretty tired.” Helpful –“You’re probably feeling unsure about how much energy I have left for you after seeing other people first. One thing about you that helps me keep my energy up is…”

8. Tests of Trust Test of TrustClient StatementExamples of non- helpful responses Examples of helpful responses Requesting information (can you understand and help me?) “Have you ever worked with anyone else who seems as mixed us as I am? “Yes, all the time” “No, not to often” “Once in a while” “Oh you’re not that mixes up? “Many people I work with often come in feeling confused and overwhelmed. I’m also wondering whether you want to know that I have the experience to help you.”

9. Tests of Trust Test of TrustClient StatementExamples of non- helpful responses Examples of helpful responses Telling a secret (can I be vulnerable with you?) I’ve never been able to tell anyone about this- not even my husband or my priest. But I did have an abortion several years ago. I just was not ready to be a good and loving mother.” “Oh, an abortion – really?” “You haven’t even told your husband even though it might be his child too?” “What you’re sharing with me now is our secret, something between you and me”

10. Tests of Trust Test of TrustClient StatementExamples of non- helpful responses Examples of helpful responses Asking a favor (are you reliable?) “Could you bring this information (or book) in for me next week?” Promises to do it but forgets altogether or does not do it when specified Promises to do it and does it when promised

11. Tests of Trust Test of TrustClient StatementExamples of non- helpful responses Examples of helpful responses Putting oneself down (can you accept me?) “I just couldn’t take all the pressure from the constant travel, the competition, the need to always win and be number one. When they offered me the uppers, it seemed like the easiest thing to cope with all this. Now I need more and more of the stuff” “Don’t you know you could hurt yourself if you keep doing on like this?” “You’ll get hurt from this – is it really a smart thing t to do?” “The pressure has gotten so intense it’s hard to find a way out from under it”

12. Tests of Trust Test of TrustClient StatementExamples of non- helpful responses Examples of helpful responses Inconveniencing the counselor (do you have consistent limits?) “Can I use your phone again before we get started?" “Of course, go ahead – feel free any time” “Absolutely not” “Marc, the last two times I’ve seen you, you have started the session by asking to use my phone. When this happens, you and I don’t have the full time to use for counseling. Would it be possible for you to make these calls before our session starts, or do we need to change out appointment time.”

13. Tests of Trust Test of TrustClient StatementExamples of non- helpful responses Examples of helpful responses Questioning the counselor’s motives (is your caring real?) “I don’t see how you have the energy to see me at the end of the day like this. You must be exhausted after seeing all the other people with problems, too.” “Oh, no, I’m really not.” “Yes, I’m pretty tired.” “You’re probably feeling unsure about how much energy I have left for you after seeing other people first. One thing about you that helps me keep my energy up is…” From Cormier & Cormier (1991) Interviewing Strategies for Helpers (3 rd )Brooks/Cole, Pacific Grove CA pp56-57.